Ever since the break up...

[Memi]

...I've been feeling extremely irritable. I get mad at every little thing that goes wrong....I get upset at people more quickly. I blame my ex for everything and even went as far as writing him several letters telling him how I hate him, and what's wrong with him, and just hurling insults at him. At first he tried dishing them back, but then he just told me he'd never read anything from me ever again. Which is for the best I guess.

 

I'm just so angry...I feel like a fool for going back to him so many times only to find out more lies...

 

How do I get over this and move on? How can I go back to my normal sweet self? Why am I so angry ALL the time?

 

 

[evy38]

It is so hard when you are just beginning a breakup. The emotions run so high. I would start by, not emailing, contacting him anymore. You can't start letting go until you stop all contact. If you are in a serious depression, you may want to try counselling.

Next, I think you need to be kinder to yourself. You weren't a fool, you were a woman in love. You invested alot, emotionally, in the man. You wanted it to work out and you tried your best. That is all you can do. Now you realized that it can't work and he is the wrong man for you. Congrats to you on that. Now it's time to move on.

Start concentrating on yourself, both inside and out. Eat well, start excersizing, if you are not already. Remember exercise releases endorfins, feel good chemicals, into your brain which enhances mood. Pamper yourself, when you can afford it. Try to spend some time figuring out what you really want, and equally important what you don't want, in your next relationship. What are your future goals? Marriage, children, career, all of it? Sometimes it's easier to weed out the wrong men, if we know what we want out of life. We don't get involved with men who don't share our goals.

[Dako]

There's every reason to be emotional these days. Some people get depressed, some dive into bad affairs, and some get angry. I went into nambypamby caring mode, worrying more about my ex than myself. This did me no good at all and increased my depression.

Ironically, I sat up nights trying to be angry to let off steam, making lists of past grievances and calling her names. When anger came I felt so much relief, but was careful to throw my tantrum in safe solitude.

[valenski]

Other than the fact he made you feel so foolish, there might be something else at the root of your anger. When I broke up with my ex the first time, it was the same thing, I was angry to the point I wanted her to hurt like I did, I even put together a devious, elaborate scheme to get my revenge but my anger instantly evaporated when I ask myself, why was I so angry? what was fueling this rage? the answer, it was my love, whole hearted unconditional love. It was a real eye opener, so I didnt need revenge anymore.

 

Better days will come once you've learnt whats really behind your anger.

[Memi]

Maybe it's just scratching the surface, but I really do feel angry because I don't understand how anyone can betray me like that? Why did he lie about the stupid things and think that he could get away with away with just awful things. Why doesn't he care about anyone but himself? Why were his words never backed up with action? Why did I stay with him when EVERYONE told me that he was no good? (Well, I guess for that one, I should just be angry with myself...which I am). I'm angry because I don't have answers...unfortunately I might never get them. I hate him because he always gives me hope and then lets me down. And now he's abandoned me and I have no idea what he's doing anymore. I hate him because he never stood up for me. I hate him because his sister was trying to get him to go back to his ex, and he never told her to stop....and in the end, they were back in communication (and may or may not have slept together).

 

I just hate him....and maybe that's good...maybe without the anger I'd just be the stupid ex that keeps going back.

 

Even after my first post, I couldn't stop writing the angry emails. I did it up until yesterday. I decided I needed to stop because I was starting to feel like a LOUSY person, and that's not who I am! Throughout the relationship he has definitely brought out the worst in me! And I don't want to be that person....so I let go.

 

I went out with my friends...had a blast...and I just feel better today. Maybe I was too dependent upon him for friendship? And I felt abandoned....