What is this?

[Bon Voyage]

I want to make a long story short. My ex and I went out for four years and I dumped him twice. The reason why I dumped him is because I feel like I was trapped in the relationship and didnt get a chance to breath. He follows and emails me everyday. It did drive me nut, but I know I was hurting him too. I think I have made him feel insecure after those two breakups. I can understand why he is being resistant and keeping his guards up. Right now, I'm trying to give him the space he needs and hopefully it builds up some security again. I'm working on myself with a therapist every week on Friday morning. I have bought six different books on relationship, emotional, and self matter. I want to change my behavior for better.

 

I do want him back but I m not sure what about him? I know I have a long way to earn his trust back or maybe I never will get it back. I'm willing to work on a long road. He seems to play a game with me. He asked me to go to his house two times and we slept together. We didn't have intercourse, but we both did oral sex. He knows I don't sleep with other people. I realized that I'm disrespecting myself so I will quit doing it now. If he asks me again to go to his house, what I m going to do is go over and hang out a little while. Then I will go home soon as I say I'm tried, it was nice to see you. If he emails me again, thats great. If he didn't, my guess is that he only wants to use me.

 

What does it sound like to you guys? Is he playing a game with me or he is interested? He and I do talk once in a while. We talk about our families and other things.

 

I don't have a problem with dating new guys, but I don't have the same chemistry as my ex. After one date with a new guy, I only see him as a friend. I'm not sure if its because I'm still not really over my ex. Or I was being "needy" because he's not around me. Please be honest with your feedback. I can take in criticism or anything.

[MaxPayne19]

Its good that your dedicated to making the relationship work out. You obviously want to keep him in your life for all the work you are doing to keep things strong. He must do his own work as well by eliminating the insecurites he has on guard and put the past behind him. If he is only calling you over because of his sexual desires, then he is using you. Don't jump to conclusions just yet, give it a little time.

 

As far as thinking about dating new guys, you have to realize that every is different and is unique in his own way and style. You have to get away from modeling a person after your ex because you will be doomed to repeat some of the same mistakes.

[stolenshadow]

Hello, assuming your ex is a good guy then I believe he could be just trying to keep things VERY casual so you don't feel trapped again.

He can't know how much is too committed or what is too informal for you, you have to tell him.

 

But you have to know what's exactly that you want before talking to him, maybe time away can also help.

 

You cannot find the same things that he gives you in another relationship, each person is different, and if you don't move on from your ex you'll never really see other's value, they are only going to fail at being like your ex.

 

Also, not being able to find a person "like him" shouldn't affect your decision to want to try things with the ex again, if you think there's somebody else out there for you then staying with this guy won't help you find that special person.

 

So, basically I think you just have to not talk to your ex for a while, don't run to him if you miss him, just allow days to pass and each day evaluate how much you want to be with this person and under what circumstances.

 

I'm sure you will make the right decision, you sound quite aware and mature.

 

Good Luck.