Need advice after ex came back!

[rndy]

My ex came back after no contact for about 11 months (we are married and currently separated). About 4 months ago she began to contact me and we started talking...then she was visiting me in he new city i live in and we started talking about the future and salvaging our marriage and began sleeping together. She was telling me how much she missed me and how she loves me "so much". Things were going fabulous and then right out of the blue she sends me an email and says she doesnt want to do this anymore. A week after this she starts online chatting and now i believe she is seeing a new person. Why would she do this when i asked her not to unless she was 100% sure?

She has set me back big time when I was doing completely fine for the previous 11 months. Any opinions would be greatly appriciated. Shes 28 and im 33 by the way. its just very confusing how someone could do that to another person. I am vey hurt by her actions and sometimes it feels like i am going through the seperation all over again. I feel used and like a backup plan but i find it hard to hate her because i am still so much in love with her. Its just not fair. Thanks all.

[healinginnyc81]

man, I'm so sorry that you've been hurt again. At least you know that you were doing fine without her and you can go back to that again. I think you realize that the only thing you can do now is to move on (again).

 

Why would she do this? It might be that she was lonely and remembered you. Maybe she thought she wanted you back but it didn't feel right. Maybe she was seeing someone and he took a break from her and so she came back to you until the other guy came back. It's really hard to figure out why people do hurtful things like that. But I think at least this tells you that you should not let her back in your life anymore. I hope you feel better.

[GreatGuy]

This Sucks!!!!!!!!!! MAN this si awefull!!! Why do girls do this to us?? No wonder many bad guys treat women like they're dirt. Man this I do not understand and I really feel you dude. I hope never to end up like this...very messed up and trully not nice.

We give them all they need, and they throw it back in our face. Maybe they just like challenges...and when things are too easy they leave. How are you supposed to be hard toward your woman and love her at the same time? My Rapper friend trully treat they ladies like crap and they come back for more??? we treat them like queens and they hurt us.

Maybe we've been doing this wrong....Maybe its time to show 'em our mean streak and play their butts.

 

Well maybe we should be ourselves and respect who we are.

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi r@ndy,

 

I was hoping that your post would actually be a success story like we all want to read about. I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this again.

 

I wish I knew what she was thinking and why she did this to you, but I don't. She knows however that she has hurt you. Does she care? It doesn't sound like it. I think that you should take action and go to NC. Don't giver her the chance to use you as the doormat. Don't be her back up plan. Visit an attorney as it seems the marriage is not salvageable.

 

Keep this thought in mind; We remember history so we don't repeat the past.

 

Hang in there.

bcuzitwasfun

[gratefulpain]

bummer.... you acted probably as any of us would.... who wouldnt want their wife back and hopes of a renewed marriage starting fresh ... it would be like the first date again..... I'm sorry she was so self centered..but who knows perhaps It was good for both of you to rekindle then move on for good.....

 

no marriage expert... but Im on your side....

[rndy]

Bcuz, thanks for the input its great! I have done no contact for prob a month! i always do! I dont want to but if she says that she wants no contact ill give it to her. It doesnt stop my heart for wondering how could she do this.....why.....and i dont shed tears like i used to but...im sick of hearing itll be ok, .....time will heal...of course that will happen!! What im concerned about is right now instead of the genaric answers. (aka work out , concentrate on yourself...) I am very confident , good looking, and earn great money...doesnt stop the hurt from what someone the day before says "I love you sooo much" and then dont contact me ever again the next day! I have no alternative and right..i guess to ask for answers. By the way i take great care of myself...my heart is just killing me like ive never expeirienced. Thanks for comments.....need more advice

 

Randall

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi Randall,

 

Sometimes we don't know why and we don't know how. I try not to ask these questions during a breakup. I still wonder about the why's and how's but I don't think about them much. I find these two questions tend to keep me subconsciously holding on, holding on to something that is broken and I don't have any control over.

 

It sounds like you have a lot of good things going for you and that you know everything is going to work its way out. Big step in the right direction I think. As far as the pain in the heart, our minds have a huge part in healing that. It is tough to let go of something, somebody when we have to. I wish I could snap my fingers and erase the memories (yes good and bad) of my most recent relationship. Then there would be no pain, but I would not be able to learn from my mistakes. No pain, no gain. Double edged sword.

 

My friend, I know you don't want to hear this, you stated so, but I'm afraid all we have is time to heal. It is however up to you by your actions during the break on how much pain you have to endure, and how much time you need to get over this.

 

Thanks

bcuzitwasfun