I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees

[GuiltyAsCharged]

Everyone always says that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but I think it's more like a permanent solution to permanent problems. The easy part of my life is over, last time I remember I was happy was when I was under 13. After that it has mostly been 95% chronic unhappiness.

 

There are tons of reasons why it would be better for me to die, and only two reasons to keep living which aren't really positive at all. First off, I don't want to hurt my family. Second, I wish to have dignity, but by killing myself I would bring satisfaction and ego boost to those who try their best to push me down and hurt me. Hence rewarding their behaviour.

 

But then again I just can't go on either. One of my biggest permanent problems is that it is IMPOSSIBLE for a girl to be attracted to me. I have read dozens of guides that are said to be totally fantastic and loaded with facts by millions of guys, but only thing these guides did to me was make me seriously depressed. It isn't fun to try and look for all the things that are wrong with you and then fail even with the fool proof social skill sets designed by psychology gurus after having changed your behaviour and personality to fit their ideals.

 

I don't know what I am doing wrong/is wrong with me but the possibilities are too painful for me.

The cold statistics of being rejected over and over and over again and my failure to ever get anywhere physically with my very short term girlfriends tell that I am probably 1) a submissive loser beta male nice guy 2) immature and dumb 3) an asexual ugly small feminine sub-male 4) a coward for not being myself 5) a weak self-esteemed pathetic whiner 6) a self-absorbed egotistical narcist 7) EVOLUTIONS WEAKEST LINK THAT IS NOT ALLOWED TO SPREAD HIS WEAKLING DNA.

 

Really, like being sexually permanently frustrated and never having a person to care for wasn't enough I now have be ashamed of myself every day of my lowly life. I mean how much more clearly can nature tell you that you are a failure than by keeping you in life long celibacy ensuring your inferior dna is removed from the gene pool? And the thing gets ironic here in the way that in almost every guide they say a males attractiveness is the same as his status and respect within his peers and society. The authority he has over lower people. This is where ideas of equality and socialism fail. This is why every attempt at communism in human history has failed. Men always have to compete with each other in all sorts pissing contests to form a hierarchy. I am tired of these games and having everyone try to dominate and hurt everyone else in guy "friend groups". So the point is that:

 

Social status=how much you have sex and are desired by the opposite sex

Males sexiness=social status

 

This means if you are not respected by people for being liked by the opposite sex then you won't be liked by the opposite sex because people don't respect you.

 

Now people will say it's not like that and some girls are content in having a guy they themselves like and who is a kind companion. But if that is it then it means that instead of being submasculine I am just 8) a plain old chauvinistic selfish evil bitter loser. That would not be too nice an identity either so it will be better for me to kill myself so I don't have to live my life as a failure. There are too many people on this polluted planet anyway. Worst thing about being depressed is being so pathetically down that you start to write about your sorry life on the internet to unknown people instead of actually DOING THE DEED. Depression medication didn't work with me, but alcohol thankfully does so I hope that someday it will lower my inhibitions and give me enough energy to solve my problems.

[coppergold]

everything will turn out fine

 

 

(ps is that better???)

[miserableme]

It won't solve your problems. Most teenagers go through a period of helplessness. Some longer than others. You are only 17. You have so much life and so many relationships ahead of you. You also need to think about the people who care about you. Family and friends would be devastated.

 

It always seems nice to want to go back to being a child again. It is so carefree, you don;t have to worry about anything. Soon you will see that there is so much to live for.

 

I have no idea what you look like but my guess is that it's not your appearance that's letting you down, it's your confidence. You can never be truly happy with yourself until you learn to love yourself. Girls will pick up on that. I know plenty of unnattractive people in happy relationships. Give it some time.

 

I would reccommend going and seeing a therapist to help you through your difficult time.

[RIPDIME]

You see the part you dont understand is that a lot of the times looks dont have anything to do with it. I know that girls think im cute but then to give you an example the girl I like is into someone that is not good looking at all and even she realizes it. At our age girls are more into personality more than anything and if you can get a conversation going, then thats all that you need to do, to get girls. To me it seems the only reason that you are depressed is because you believe your not the best looking guy but most teenagers are like that. Lets see, are you good at anything, if you are than dont worry about your looks because in the end what you are good at in life is a lot more important and valuable than something as trivial as looks.

[Bethany]

. Worst thing about being depressed is being so pathetically down that you start to write about your sorry life on the internet to unknown people instead of actually DOING THE DEED.

 

I have to disagree with that. The worse thing about depression is being so pathetically down that the negative thoughts and feelings you have actually make you think, feel and BELIEVE all that stuff is true, when in fact there IS always a way out of your problems and it does not include choosing suicide. Believe me, I know.

[snowgirl]

The worse thing about depression is being so pathetically down that the negative thoughts and feelings you have actually make you think, feel and BELIEVE all that stuff is true, when in fact there IS always a way out of your problems and it does not include choosing suicide. Believe me, I know.

Bethany, that is inspired and it rings so true that I am writing it down. You speak from the heart. Thanks for that.

[leyton05]

Alot of good looking males commit suicide while thinking along the same lines as you. Its all in our heads. but i know this doesnt make us feel much better.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Oh dude..

 

Its not about having a significant other, Ive had over 12 in the last year or two, and Im still in treatment for suicidal urges.

 

Look elsewhere for the source of your unhappiness.

[GuiltyAsCharged]

I was a bit unclear in my first message. It's not like I necessarily think that my looks are to blame. I have learned to be content in the way I look and with the right clothes I could even consider myself kinda good looking. It's just that the message that I get from the surrounding environment is that there is something wrong in me either mentally or physically, likely both, because otherwise I wouldn't get rejected all the time now would I? Everyone can think in their own minds that they are super cool, but the tough collision with reality is inevitable.

 

I used to think that I was okay, but then my first short time girlfriend left me for a bass guitarist that was more exciting and attractive to her. My second girlfriend in turn, went for guitarist.She was deceiving herself by hanging out with me because she only felt affection to me, but was repulsed by the thought of being physically with me. The guitarist was tall, handsome, extroverted and most importantly, had social status and sex appeal. Last week I got rejected without even trying when a countryman I met on a ship tried to get me some company in the ship's night club. He ended up making out with both the girls he was trying to hook up with me. That's when I wanted to jump overboard to the freezing water and end all this. The reality is showing me that even though I might be able to get friendships, I am unable to get relationships because girls aren't ATTRACTED TO ME. As David DeAngelo has said, attraction isn't a choice, it's a gut feeling. And gosh is it frustrating to listen to everyones take on why I fail and what is the aspect wrong in me that is superb in them and how they themselves have dozens of girls. I have just had enough of this condition.

 

Now some will say being alone forever without ever having hope of experiencing a core element of life and feeling like a loser as a result isn't enough to be suicidal. However, to me it is. Unfortunately I have other worries too - my future is hopeless (as well as is the future of the whole mankind link removed )

 

I doubt I'll get to study in the university I want, forcing me to take some you-want-fries-with-that job and live alone in a small apartment struggling to pay the bills with no feeling of meaning in my life, still contributing to polluting the world with my western way of life.

[Mrocza]

Not every woman is attracted to Brad Pitt.

 

My point, we all have our preferences.Just because your last two girlfriends went for guitarists, doesn't make you any less of a man becasue they didn't chose you. Come on now. It's their own taste and preference and if it isn't you, someone else will find you attractive.

 

Sure, society does have some sort of set ideals on beauty and appeal, but what is normal? Is not beauty in the eye of the beholder? Back to preferences, there may be the world's most coveted supermodel who is actully, in truth, very plain looking.

 

Perfection tends to be plain. Symmetry, Balance, flow...Do we really want ourselves to be clones of what is considered beautiful or normal, or stand out in our own way?

 

As I like to say, we are our worst critics.

 

And, as much as you might hate to hear it, change starts within you. You can change your outlook, your attitude, your vibe and you'll find the world will tune itself accordingly.

 

If you want to be a loser, be a loser. What is a loser to you , anyways? And why are you the loser? Because not having a date doesn't qualify...you can't be happy with anyone unless you're happy with yourself first.