Question for dumpers ;)

[SilverCloud]

Hi,

I know i have probably read the answer to this somewhere on here but i am going to still ask again.

 

As anyone here been in a relationship for more then six month and also been the dumper and later realised that you made a mistake big time. Did you go back to them or not? Why? Did it work? If you did not go back how long before you stopped thinking about them? Did you ever in that relationship tell the other party that you loved them?

[loveandlive]

Yes I have, and in one case I did try going back to them, and in other cases I didn't. But the person I went back to, it didn't work. And I always have a theory now, never go back to the past. Basically meaning never return to an ex, you break up for a reason, and I always believe moving on to something new is always best. It usually takes a couple months to get over someone, but it also depends on how serious you were about them. Always give yourself a couple months though to heal and enjoy time to yourself.

[whatif]

Silvercloud, you are hoping for your dumper to come back to you, but don't count on it. You start focusing on yourself and get ready to move on. Stop dwelling on your past relationship.

[Tex1907]

I dont know. Personally, Im usually the one who gets canned. This is mainly because I dont understand why you should dump anyone after you were with them for at least a couple years. It just makes no sense to me. Why? Idunnnno.....I got dumped after a relationship of over 4 years a few years ago. Damn...that sucked... Anyway I got dumped because my X had met someone else who was 8 years older. I seriously believe that the number one reason why someone dumps someone is because they have found someone "better." What is really messed up though is that if you found someone better you were actually looking all along....and thats just messed up. Similarly, if your in love with someone you shouldnt think that there is anyone better. So this is a little mind boggling to me....

 

Anyway, Hey I have dumped someone before though, I was seeing them for a month. However, from day one the only thing I wanted was sex so I guess thats not really the same thing.... I have never dumped anyone who I got into a serious relationship with though if thats what you are asking. Very interesting topic btw. Hope this info is useful.

[SilverCloud]

Silvercloud, you are hoping for your dumper to come back to you, but don't count on it. You start focusing on yourself and get ready to move on. Stop dwelling on your past relationship.

 

lol yes i guess i am . I have moved past it a bit, but it only has been 2 months since the NC. I miss him terribly, we were planning to get married.

 

I wish i could move on faster but he was my first love and for a very long time i believed to be the only one as well. I know he has moved on, maybe because he has dealt with breakups before (major break up was his divorce), i dont know.

 

Just gets hard sometimes...

[friscodj]

OK, the only "mistake" you should consider is an honest-to-goodness mistake. For example, you swear you see your ex making out with someone else at a club. You later break up with him/her because of it. Sometime later, you find out that it was certianly not him/her. Yes, this is a "mistake"...something that you think happened but didn't...

 

Most of the time, the break-up happens for a good reason, whether you realize it consciously or not. Many times it is that little voice and those barely noticeable feelings that are the strongest when it comes to this...and also the truest... It can also happen when there is/are clear issue/s which cause the split. Perhaps someone drinks too much, for example, it causes other problems within the relationship, and that person refuses to see this...

 

Now, if a reconciliation is considered in the latter, it should only happen after: a) the specific relationship issues which are believed to have caused the break-up are addressed and a definite plan is made to work on them, like recognizing and getting therapy for an addiction which hurts the relationship, and b) both people still have definite deep and real feelings for each other and want and believe the relationship will work.

 

I believe these are the only reasons to consider getting back together and having the resulting relationship last long-term.