Hunny1607307342 Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Hey, I have realised that my EX just wasn't the ONE. I have accepted that it just won't happen again... BUT regardless of this, I STILL CARE. I can't help it. E.g. I am dying to know what his new girlfriend is like. Whatever I do that is successful, I want him to know about it. Each time I look good, I want him to see me. It really bugs me that the slime rat has a better life than me because he HAS A GIRLFRIEND. They say the best revenge is living well, and I'm doing that far as it can go. But there will always be the fact that I don't have a boyfriend. Problem: I am SO FUSSY: Out of a 6th form of 400 guys, he was the only one I fancied madly. I will be single for at least a year - I know it. I hate this chunk of my life which is missing. I want to feel that WAY again, not about him because he's a jerk, but I miss feeling AMAZING about someone! And then I wont care about him anymore 100%. Until then, HE is the only one I want to please all the time, even if I dont want to get back with him. I can't help it. *Sigh*... what do you think? Link to comment
daredevil Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 Seems like when something in your life is going good on certain areas we always miss something on another. I got a gf and feel great but in other aspects of life it sucks, if you follow. Does that give meaning? Link to comment
Hunny1607307342 Posted February 18, 2006 Author Share Posted February 18, 2006 True...but when you're with someone doesn't that make other things that are going well not matter? Like, when my college reports are AWFUL, and I had HIM, I was like "oh whatever! but in the opposite situation, ie. having good college reports and the absense of a boyfriend, doesn't really make me feel like saying 'whatever' about not having a boyfriend. lol. Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 What do I think? I think you are attaching waaaaay too much happiness to having a girl/boyfriend. Why don't you focus on being happy with yourself and your life instead of holding onto the notion of needing a partner to make you happy? Just because someone has "a" boy/girlfriend doesn't mean they are happy...there are so many bad relationships out there where it would be way better off being single... Link to comment
daredevil Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 True...but when you're with someone doesn't that make other things that are going well not matter? Like, when my college reports are AWFUL, and I had HIM, I was like "oh whatever! but in the opposite situation, ie. having good college reports and the absense of a boyfriend, doesn't really make me feel like saying 'whatever' about not having a boyfriend. lol. Lol I see what youre meaning. Hehe, well I felt the same way after my breakup in the past, hated seen her progressing with another person while I was single! but then eventually I just thought "ok I won't be hunting love nor will I think about her, each time u think about her then slap ur self (lol) or just change ur thoughts, and eventually by not thinking about love etc, then suddenly "wow" a new person arrives in your love life focus on other subjects of life like friends and family, then u will not think so much about it I think Link to comment
Hunny1607307342 Posted February 18, 2006 Author Share Posted February 18, 2006 lol your right thats what it is! I attach happiness to a bf WAY to much! But I can't help it. Maybe that's because my ex boyfriend was my first boyfriend. I was happy as a singleton before him! But then I realised how amazing life can be with a bf and the fact that he gave me the rush of my first kiss etc. and then when I lost him... Basically, its like giving a blind child sight for a few hours! Link to comment
Hunny1607307342 Posted February 18, 2006 Author Share Posted February 18, 2006 hehe ok thanx dare devil I'll try to slap myself when I think about him...but I see the slime rat everyday at college. Link to comment
daredevil Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 I can show u how blind a person can be, if I linked some of my previous and first threads in here from 1 year ago. I was like "Omg she did that and I did that, and now I think I might be getting her back", lol... but then as the months passed by I realised that she never was good enough for me, and that she had another person just mean't he was facing a bad girl bc of her acts, lol so I thought "jeez happy me, I'm not going to experience that again, so now I can focus on new chances, friends and having the fun I deserve" hehe like giving a child sight for a few hours is the right word... now u just need to operate this child so the sight of his will make him realise new opportunities lie ahead... Link to comment
daredevil Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 hehe ok thanx dare devil I'll try to slap myself when I think about him...but I see the slime rat everyday at college. U know what a good idea would be? Everytime u see him then focus on the bad things about him and what went wrong and think "I deserve better, and lol look at him? is he good enough for me? no, and jeez turning him on? no way! it's me who needs to find a nice guy to turn me on!" Slapping is just a last way to do so, hehe I did it when I was lying in my bed just thinking no way I lost her, and it actually made me think about something else. Slapping = not hard of c, lol Link to comment
Hunny1607307342 Posted February 18, 2006 Author Share Posted February 18, 2006 LOL thanks a lot for the advice, yes, I force myself to look at him in disgust! Link to comment
daredevil Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 or just make the eyes rolling Link to comment
Sugarcube Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 I must agree with you about the feeling of having a boyfriend and feeling the rush of the first kiss. I am on the same boat as you. I had a bf for three years and that ended a few months ago and I know he isn't the one. I am craving having another bf but I don't think its the best thing right now. Maybe it isn't for you either? How over him are you? Personally, I think that before I can have another bf I have to be happy with myself as an individual and as a single person. Only then, can you be in a successful, healthy and fun relationship. How ready are you to move on? If you are thinking about his girlfriend, maybe you aren't completley over him? Link to comment
daredevil Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 I must agree with you about the feeling of having a boyfriend and feeling the rush of the first kiss. I am on the same boat as you. I had a bf for three years and that ended a few months ago and I know he isn't the one. I am craving having another bf but I don't think its the best thing right now. Maybe it isn't for you either? How over him are you? Personally, I think that before I can have another bf I have to be happy with myself as an individual and as a single person. Only then, can you be in a successful, healthy and fun relationship. How ready are you to move on? If you are thinking about his girlfriend, maybe you aren't completley over him? I'm glad to see that u want to succed and get happier as a person, because if u went into a rleationship not 100% commited u would not only hurt urself, but the other person in the relationship, I admire your point of view. Link to comment
Juha Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 What's worse is having the person you want to be with and being stupid and losing them... She is the person I want to be with but the timing is not right, unfortunately...We went out for 2 years and were very.very close... We have been broken up for 8 months now and still keep in a little touch... She has already moved on to her 2nd boyfriend since our break up... I have dated a few girls, nothing serious... Just living and trying to be happy with what I can control... The crappy part is just about every one of my friends have wives/ husbands or girl/boy friends... So there I am at their house or out to dinner ar at anything with them and I am the only single person most of the time, it gets me really down.. Alot of the times I just tell them I am busy with other plans because I really don't want to be around that... I have grown distant with other girls who are my friends because they have boyfriends now and their boyfriends are not comfortable with me... It just pisses me off that she is just moving on like that... Like I meant nothing to her after everything she said and did for 2 years....To me it seems she is just trying to get over us with someone else..I mean to move on with 2 boyfriends in less than 8 months... Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 It just pisses me off that she is just moving on like that... Like I meant nothing to her after everything she said and did for 2 years....To me it seems she is just trying to get over us with someone else..I mean to move on with 2 boyfriends in less than 8 months... Forget her man, go strict NC. Knowing all this isn't helping you at all... Link to comment
healinginnyc81 Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 I think part of this need for a new partner may be coming from jealousy. I'm in a similar situation where my ex goes to college with me and has a new bf. I've thought about trying to get a new gf to help me feel better, but I know that I wouldn't be truly healing or learning from this relationship. I realized though that a lot of times when I thought about having a new gf, I also thought of how I could make my ex jealous. Maybe it's just that I hate the fact that she doesn't have to go through what I'm going through and I'm jealous of her for moving on and I'm jealous of her new guy because he gets to be with her. Just my self analysis - it might not apply to you. Link to comment
healinginnyc81 Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 Also, I think it's good to try to hang out with single friends as much as you can and have fun. It helps to remember that you can enjoy life being single and free. Link to comment
Hunny1607307342 Posted February 19, 2006 Author Share Posted February 19, 2006 Thanks everyone for advice. I can TOTALLY relate to you guys, especially sugarcube and bkjsun!!! Totally. That's exactly how I feel. And the thing about am I TOTALLY over my ex? No I can't be because like I said I still care about what he's doing who he's with etc., and I think the only way to stop that is to have a new bf! Then I can and will devote myself to him 100% and appreciate him so much! But there's no one I feel that way about. But oh well, I guess I have no choice other than to just make the most of my life as it is really...and be patient. Link to comment
deejay74 Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 Maybe it's just that I hate the fact that she doesn't have to go through what I'm going through and I'm jealous of her for moving on and I'm jealous of her new guy because he gets to be with her. Just my self analysis - it might not apply to you. i think that's how a lot of us feels. having someone else would be a good distraction. the thing for me is i keep comparing everyone single female i meet to my ex, even if i'm not interested in the romantically. i know this is self defeating thinking, i just don't know how to stop it. same goes for thinking about what she's doing, thinking, feeling, seeing. and i am also jealous that she's gotten over it already. i've done just about everything people have suggested: going out, hanging out w/friends, doing something i like - i've even signed up for drum lessons. today i had my first session and it's in an area of brooklyn that is relatively near my ex and i haven't been through that part of town since i was with her. i got distracted from the lesson for a minute cuz she popped into my head. i'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me and why haven't i gotten over it yet. i have made progress but the slowness is killing me. i am getting tired of feeling this way. Link to comment
healinginnyc81 Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 iwantherback, talking about comparing other women to your ex, I've found myself doing that a lot too. I think I'm reaching to find someone but at the same time I still have the memories of all the good times with the ex and I can't see it being possible to have that with someone else. I've been starting to fantasize about other girls though and I'm trying very hard to keep reminding myself of any faults my ex had as well as times where she upset me, and I try to imagine a girl who doesn't have those faults or do the things that upset me. I gotta say it's been real tough though. Hopefully, as we get more used to be with ourselves and enjoying our lives we'll slowly put the ex further back in our memories. Link to comment
Juha Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 8 months and still love her as much as ever... Have LC with her now and again usually initiated by her.. comparing new girls to the ex is just natural.. Unfortunately, I have no feelings for girls I have met and gone out with since the break and just have/want sex with them... SHe has moved onto her 2nd b/f since the split...SHe used at least the first to get over me, now I have no idea... I realized that I don't want to be serious with anyone and dating just for sex is not the best thing... Allowing myself to fall into this and not feeling anything makes me feel better and I am having fun hanging out with them but it is so superficial. You will feel better. How much time it will take I have no idea, here I am 8 months later and I am better but still miss her like hell... I don't know why I am like this. I have never been bothered by a breakup ever before and now I can't shake it.. Slowly it has gone away but I feel so empty inside... Link to comment
Hunny1607307342 Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 The best worst news... is that a break up is the best thing that ever happened to us. xXx Link to comment
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