Dako Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 This probably sounds like the babbling of a moron but I just wonder if anyone else has had this happen. Many of the posts here seem to describe the start of a relationship as wildly powerful emotional boost, tapering off into a routine. I was deeply in love when I got married. Completely gone! About four years after we met, some sort of warp speed kicked in and made my feelings so intense it was frightening. I was so totally engulfed in her I couldn't believe it possible. That lasted for many years. Anyone had this happen? Link to comment
yelloemail Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 really, that actually happened. i would like to know more about how you met your wife and your relationship. i am really happy for you! Link to comment
Dako Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 Wish I understood it more myself. Unfortunately she dumped me last September. I was just wondering. Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I wish! When you say "engulfed", what do you mean by that? You know ... types of behaviour that your feelings would have shown in, etc. Sorry, it's just not every day that you hear someone say this. I'm just curious to know how one so infatuated would act. Must be a tough time, no doubt about it. What happened? Link to comment
Dako Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 Oh, I'm not sure I can describe it much better. We were happy young newlyweds and after a while we just kind of fell in love even more in a big way beyond what what it was like when we met four years before. We would stay up all night talking and fooling around as if we'd just met, but it was effortless. We each had two jobs to make house payments (15% interest back then) but were playing like crazed weasels. I was looking at some old pix and it got me wondering if others had that experience. I have to admit some embarrassment for bringing it up. Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Meh, don't be embarrassed. There is no need. After this kind of disappointment, I'd think that you wouldn't be sweating the small stuff. My boyfriend and I have been together for ... oh ... going on three years now (to make a long story short). I never really put much thought into it, but we really do prefer to spend free time (which is almost none at the moment) together, and can sit around for hours just playing video games, talking, cuddling, play-fighting, etc. ... and it hasn't gotten old yet. This is a huge step for me, since I'm usually bored of a relationship after a year. I find ANY type of routine extremely boring and tedious, and people tend to naturally do the same things over and over again, which is true of relationships also. The thing is, I might still be one of those people who can't commit long-term. It has nothing to do with him, but I've just witnessed so much turmoil within relationships in my life, and seen what a dope my dad has been for the past 15 years, that I'm just plain SCARED that I'll turn into my mother, or another woman in my family. It's both scary and depressing to imagine my life in 10 years, living the way they do. You didn't really say what happened ... Link to comment
LiquidCherry Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I read something once years ago that made a great amount of sense to me. This isn't a quote but it's the gist: It is impossible to find someone you will be in love with for the rest of your life so find someone you can fall in love over and over again. If people fell in love and that intense feeling you get for the first few months just kept on going I think the world would stop going. Also, I kind of like my routine and there isn't much I would want to change about it. Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Also, I kind of like my routine and there isn't much I would want to change about it. You see, I envy this. I WISH that I could get myself into a mindset that would accept and appreciate routine. What's your secret? lol Link to comment
suprema99 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Hey dako. I'm thinking your getting older now, and you had this woman in your life for a long time and she dumped you. Your probably scared now, having serious thoughts of your future. I think the reason lies why she dumped you? like another poster was asking. If you get dumped your the problem obviosly to the other person. So then you have to question yourself first, put the facts together and decide what happened and why and who's fault it or if it's both faults, and if it could workout. I think you got to constantly somewhat be up to date on things. I don't think you can be stagnent and get into too much routine. Routine is good but too much routine, I can see that as being a bad thing. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 ??? I'm past getting dumped by her and have done my homework, grieving, yada yada. I'm considering dating and all that involves. Still best of friends with the ex, talk to her often. I was just wondering about the phenomena I was describing. It seems counter to many of the descriptions of relationships here. I guess I was hoping someone would chime in with, "Yeah, me too!" Guess not. It's just somethig that's been on my mind for a lonnnnnnnnnnng time. Link to comment
suprema99 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I was just chiming in cause I was thinking you might still like her by writing that. that's all. I wasn't out to attack you. You kinda sounded like you were asking a question about this old relationship. If it's yada yada then, no problem. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 suprema99, No offense meant or taken. I still love her a lot, but it's over and done. I've found out that even couples who love each other can get divorced, strange as it sounds. I admit this post looks pretty puzzling, even to me. It's sincere, though. Link to comment
suprema99 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Hey dako, no offense taken. It's hard to read words sometimes. No offense to you either. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 I guess I'm trying to sort out something from the 80s. Maybe a touch of oldtimer's disease. Link to comment
suprema99 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 nah, but it's 2006 now, and get out there and start dating, if that's helps anything. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 Just as soon as those mailorder dentures arrive. Link to comment
suprema99 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Well hell then, your out the game then, lol jk Your as old as you feel. Link to comment
ocrob Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I think it is so cool that you had so much passion for her. I am starting to wonder, if relatioships can last after a certain point. My parents have been married for over thirty years. It is not perfect, but I am glad they still get along. I guess we all want what we can't have. Too many people are looking for infactuation and not love. Being with someone that you love is very hard, but worth it. I am sorry your relationship did not work out, but I bet you will have some good times in the coming years. I truly wonder if we can all be with just one person. Monogomy is great, but I truly wonder. It seems we are all looking for that excitement of meeting someone new. I am scared to lower my guard and be with just one person, but I do know that it is amazing. Link to comment
Dako Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 I'm hoping to irritate another poor lady someday. I guess LTRs aren't that common on the forum, but there's a lot to be said for them. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 You shared the same soul Dako, you walked in each others shoes and understood even what was not said. Breathing her air was like breathing your own and imagining life without her could only be justified by death. You were a team that needed no game plan and shared your victories briefly before looking ahead to the next accomplishment. You were equals to a point although you found yourself being in her shadow but the shade suited your weathered spirit. Something like that Dako? RC Link to comment
Dako Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 Rc, You could write ad copy for BMW. Yeah, exactly like that... I guess I'm in a reverie about some things. I feel odd for starting this sort of thread. I surprise myself. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Funny Dako, very funny. We often reflect on the past as we prepare to move forward in to the future. Dako, I think you've met someone of interest. I can see the twinkle in your i's. RC Link to comment
Dako Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 I wish. Maybe I'm just getting well. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I hope this doesn't mean your humor and cynicism fall by the way side, we've grown fond of them, LOL! Link to comment
Dako Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 It's genetic. You should hear my mom's monologues at the rest home. All the sentient people just crack up! Link to comment
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