best friends being torn apart...please help

[musicfreak411]

ok I'll try not to make this as long as it really is. I have been friends with this girl for 4 years. 2 years ago i was dating her friend and she was dating mine. we would go out all the time double dating and it was cool. then i broke up with my gf and few months later she broke up with her bf and i was always there for her when she was having problems with her bf. we became really close best friends. we told eachother everything. there wasnt 1 secret kept from one another. and then i started loving her in a way more than best friends. and then 1 of my "friends" had the same feelings and she chose him. they went out for a week but she broke up with him cuz it wasnt where she wanted to be. she kept coming back to me about 7-9 times and everytime we almost went out but we never did. then on the 9th time of almost going out she went away to hawaii...i trusted that everything would be awesome and great despite everyones remarks of get out while i still could b4 i would get hurt. but i ignored it. and she was calling me from hawaii the first week. then the second week there was nothing. she came back and didnt say nething to me...no phone call or nething. i kept calling but she wouldnt answer. she ended up somehow liking my "friend" again while she was in hawaii. i blew him off as a friend for going behind my back. they went out for a few months and now her and i are in college together we have had some major fights but despite everything i still have these feelings for her. and its coming down to it again where it seemed like there might be something but she went on a retreat this past weekend and came back and talked to me last night...who really likes to hear when ur in love with that person.:

it kept going back in forth so it starts with her:

"oh my life is just so awesome"

"y is it awesome all of a sudden"

"oh ya know.......i met a guy over the weekend"

*my attitude drops from pretty happy talking to her to heartbreak* "o ic"

"yea his name is kurtis"

and yea it goes on from there of her telling me about this guy and me barely talking and she starts asking whats wrong and its like everytime we go through this our friendship gets drawn farther and farther apart. please what should i do? is there a way i can prevent this....her dating this other guy i mean? would it help if the next night...which is thursday night...we hang out if i just kiss her? please help me!!! thanks

[AwdreeHpburn]

You are in a very difficult predicament. We see it in the movies all the time and tend to romanticize the situation. Your gut tells you to tell her and kiss her and she will melt into your arms and you'll be fulfilled.

 

Maybe.

 

I see it going a few possible ways.

 

Tell her how you feel and she'll freak because she thought you were just friends and now she'll feel uncomfotable around you because she'll feel like your thinking about that. She won't want to talk about guys in front of you anymore cuz she won't want YOU to feel uncomfortable so a different friend will become that ear...it will destroy what friendship you did have.

 

OR

 

Tell her and she'll be surprised because she felt that way about you a long time ago but when nothing happened, she thought you just liked HER as a friend so she resolved herself to that. Now, she realizes what a good friend you are and doesn't want that to be ruined by a relationship.

 

OR

 

You don't tell her because you don't want all the chaos telling would cause. But then she'll never know how her talking about or being with other guys bothers you. Then you won't want to be around her as often. Or she'll start dating someone and won't be around you as much because her new boyfriend won't like that she's really good friends with a guy.

 

My point is, telling her or not telling her is going to have similar disasterous results. So you may as well tell her. If you don't tell her, you don't give her the opportunity to make a decision.

 

You may never know how she feels about you or a romantic relationship with you until you go for it. I just think that either way you should be prepared for a serious shift in the way things currently are. Whether you tell her or not. You won't be able to keep it to yourself and have things stay the way they are. It doesn't work that way. Your feelings have crossed and there's no going back.

 

Tell her how you feel and deal with the results. But don't kiss her. Tell her how you feel and maybe she'll kiss you, like in the movies.

[CarnelianButterfly]

If you don't tell her you really have no right to be angry with her for dating or at the men she dates. Just because you have feelings for her doesn't mean you own her. You're her friend and your actions caused by your feelings are most likely confusing her. I had a guy friend that I used to tell everything to then he started acting strange, I didn't find out he really liked me until he was very drunk one night. I've distanced myself from him now because I wanted a friend not a serious relationship. If your friend is hounded by guys and dates alot you may just be her safe guy. I hope everything goes well, I'm sorry its a very difficult situation to be in.

[ratherbesailing]

Music Freak -

 

Tough spot you're in. Another option might be to wait until this thing with Kurtis blows over and then make your move when she might be a little more receptive. I agree with Ta Ree that this is either headed to you two dating or you two no longer being close friends. Being stuck in the current situation isn't something good for you anyhow.

 

I hope it works out for you.

[musicfreak411]

we have known eachother ofr sooo long..as i said we've been best friends for 2 years...known eachother for 4. she knows when i like her. and 2 days ago we had a lil spat and that was when she told me about kurtis. right away she knew it was about him and that was the first thing out of her mouth. "Whats wrong? Is this about kurtis?" course i said idk no but she saw through that. she knows me better than i know me and its the same vice versa. we were suppose to be together last night...as i wrote up there i was planning on kissing her...but she didnt want to meet...she wanted to talk online please i still need advice on what to do. she knows its about him, i told her that was some of it. she knows i like her.

[ratherbesailing]

Music -

 

It sounds like it is time to come clean and just lay the cards on the table. Just tell her straight out that you have feelings for her, then just listen to what she says. You may have to give her some time to let it sink in and take affect.

 

I wouldn't ask her yet if she has feelings for you and I wouldn't even mention Kurtis' name, don't go negative. Unless you are getting some major signals that she wants the kiss, I'd give that a rest for a bit until you can tell she's receptive. The whole idea being that she may not be thinking of you that way, but if you just let her know you are and back off a little, she just might get the idea working in her head to the point that she does start thinking that way.

 

I hope it works out and Kurtis has to just fade away into the sunset.