why do exes lie when it comes to dating someone else?

[deejay74]

i asked my ex if she left me for someone else, or if she is dating someone, or seeing someone now, at the time of break up and even when i broke NC last week. at the time, i did believe her as her reasons made sense, but all the while i've had this gut feeling that she is with someone else already. i cannot prove that she is, but that feeling won't go away.

 

my previous ex broke up with me, not necessarly FOR someone else, but was having sexual relations right before we broke up and even immediately afterward. she denied it up and down but then i caught her with the guy, almost in the act.

 

my question is, if we the dumper, keep pressing the issue and asking over and over again why don't they just admit it? i think it is worse if they lie about it and we find out later anyway.

 

and why won't this gut feeling that my current ex is with someone go away? i have absolutely no proof - in fact, i am basing this situation on my previous ex - i have the exact same gut feeling. i almost don't even care anymore but it bothers me.

 

sorry, just ranting again.

[Lady Bugg]

Probably because your gut never lies. It's USUALLY right. Now I don't know you OR your ex..but I have had that 'gut" feeling a few times. It's a pretty sickening feeling. I can say it's one of the worst feelings in the world.

 

Don't ignore your gut....nine time out of ten..it's right.

[ratherbesailing]

My experience tells me that gut feelings are usually right and that even though there isn't a specific act that you have for proof, that somehow you've picked up on some emotional clues from your past experiences. Then again, you could be wrong. Either way it is over with her and that's hard and it takes time to recover.

 

It is natural to try and figure out what went wrong but try not to focus too much on whether she was physical with someone else. I think by the time someone decides to break up with someone they've probably gone over it and over it in their head until the reasons they give you may have nothing to do with the actual problem. Why do you think you broke up? Those are the things worth examining. Trust your insight, not hers, unless she's got a specific criticism that you think is worth addressing in yourself.

 

Why don't they fess up? Cheating is selfish and dishonest. Selfish and dishonest people don't like to be held accountable for their actions. They are committed to the lie and short of a photograph of the act, they are going to stick to the lie. If they were honest, they never would have cheated to begin with.

 

It is hard to trust after being hurt but it is worth trying.

[novaseeker]

People lie about cheating because they know its wrong and they dont want to admit it. It's simply covering their tracks.

[chai714]

REGARDING YOUR EX HAVING A BOYFRIEND - I think in this case, your ex lied because she knew it would hurt you. Most people don't want to intentionally or unintentionally injure someone else's emotions and she knew it would tear you apart, because she knew you still wanted her. Does that make it right to lie? Certainly not, but she probably thought she was "protecting you" even though she wasn't.

 

As far as her having sexual relations BEFORE she broke up with you - this makes her deceiving, untrustworthy, and insert whatever negative label you want to here. As far as asking her about what happened when - you don't really need to know much more. She slept with someone else BEFORE she broke up with you - her actions tell you what kind of person she is. I'd cut off all communication with her, period.

[deejay74]

well i can understand why they won't tell you that they've cheated on you, it makes sense.

 

but i think i mean more specifically - if they break up with you (not for someone else), then in a very short period of time (say in a week to a month) they start having a sexual relationship with someone else or perhaps they're even dating that person, they'll still deny it and lie. i don't understand this at all. at this point, what does it really matter? and why are they still trying to hide it? chances are, the dumpee is going to find out anyway, and then how does the dumper look?