Jelousy?

[LMA]

jelousy is gettin the best of me and my relationship. i'm new here and i read some of the other posts and i coulnd't even relate to other peope's jelousy problems. you could say i'm supah jelouse.. the biggest greenest monster around. well it's ruin my relationship. my boyfriend has been pretty tollerant so far, but i donno when he's just gonna quit, so i have to get help. now it's not linked to depression, i have been depressed a long time ago and i'm great now. i don't think bad of myself, and everyting isn't negative anymore.. accept this. i have dreams that my boyfriend runs off with another chick all the time. when he so much as talks to another female in front of me.. i want to blow up. we live together and i can't let him go out by himself cuz i'd prolly freek out thinking what he's doing.. "heaven forbid" he talks to another girl. I'ts REDICULOUS!! and i know that! he tells me all the time how much he loves me and how beautiful i am, how we're gonna be together forever.. so i have no idea what's up.. it's not lack of self esteem or anything cuz i think i'm very pretty and the opposite of worthless too.

now, this is the only problem that me and my bf have... life would be perfect if i wasn't soooo ...jelous? ...worrysome? you help me out here....

[foreverurz23]

i think the prob here is trust, what if you put your self in his shoes and had alot of guy friends like i do? i mean it would be one thing if another girl was hanging on my guy but if hes just talking to him, you really need to share this with him and maybe your not ready for a relationship yet! you need to put your self in his place first before acting!

goodluck

~foreverurz23~

[secret_agent_man]

Hi LMA,

Growing past jealousy is very hard. If he doesn't give you a reason not to trust him, then it is very unfair. I'm glad you already realize that it is a bad thing for your relationship. That is the first step.

 

You need to do a lot of what has been mentioned already, put yourself in his shoes. If you have been and indeed are faithfully devoted to him, then you would never "run off" with someone else would you? Trust, if you can, that he feels the same way. You have to loosen your grip. There's no other way than forcing yourself to. It will become easier and easier the more you force it. It does take time, but talk it over and make a serious effort. Tell him that he can't let you walk all over him. It's not healthy for either of you in this situation.

 

The really important part is taking a pro-active approach. Things won't change unless you change them.

 

Good luck, we're here if you need us!

 

S.A.M.

[crookster_man]

I agree with Secret_Agent_Man. you need to take a pro-active approach to this problem. I'm glad you realise it's a problem, however do you understand the source? You cannot treat a wound until you address the cause.

 

What are the reasons for your jealousy? You said you were depressed when you were younger? Did you suffer feelings of abandonment? You say that you know that you are smart, beautiful and worthy. However being jealous would state otherwise. You may say that you are confident and secure in yourself. Though deep down I bet you still have some very strong insecurities.

 

If your BF has given you no reason to be jealous then you should trust him. Everyone has bouts of jealousy, but what you are doing is controlling and stifling. You are right; he will run eventually, you are smothering him.

 

Jealously has very little to do with the other person and everything to do with the person feeling it. You need to look inside yourself and work out your insecurities. Maybe your BF or a trusted friend can sit down with you and help you through this. Maybe you should talk to a counsellor? You don't need to feel this way anymore. You control how you feel and think. You are not a slave to your mind. You are its master.

 

Take control of your life, face your insecurities and show yourself and your BF the respect you both deserve.

[netman]

You don't need to feel this way anymore. You control how you feel and think. You are not a slave to your mind. You are its master.

 

Well said. This kind of cognitive thinking is very helpful.