What is wrong with me?

[Boricua7]

So today I was checking my facebook. For those of you who don't know what it is: facebook is a website for college students to keep track of their friends. You can comment on eachother's profiles and even on eachother's photo albums. If you are in a picture that someone else has they can tag you and the picture will show up on your profile too.

 

I was looking at my ex's profile and noticed that he had three new pictures. All of them were of him with other girls. I know both of these girls. One of the girl's name is Mallory. The other is Amanda. Amanda has always liked him and I don't think he is interested in her but in the picture she is sitting on his lap and he is holding her close to him. He is in her room, I can tell. I swear my heart broke just looking at it. He is a super huge flirt and has told me that he hasn't been seeing or doing anything with any other girls but this picture makes me wonder. He has never lied to me so I shouldn't be worried. My heart is beating so fast right now though. I am so jealous and upset. I don't know what to do; I hate this feeling that I'm feeling. I want to cry.

[ElektraHere]

Boricua,

 

Dont look at his facebook anymore. You are torturing yourself with the what ifs. This will not help you move on and start focusing on you. You need to take the time you are worrying about his activities and worry about youur own. I am trying to do that now too. I focus on everyone except me.

If you feel like crying then cry, if you feel like screaming scream, just quit looking at the profile you are only hurting yourself. Obviously he isnt suffering or feeling the way you are. He has moved on as should you.

Good Luck,

[Boricua7]

I am just so confused. He is coming over tomorrow to come visit so that we can "talk". He has been planning this talk for more than a week now and the picture was recent; it was taken today actually. Anyway, we have been broken up for about a month now and I know that he loves me. I have always felt like he's the one. I know there is probably nothing going on with him or ANYONE but I just can't shake the fear that maybe he doesn't love me. I mean, his actions, the way he treats me, and the fact that he says he will never stop loving me all proove me wrong but I am so insecure. I always think the worst and let those thoughts get the best of me. This is the main reason we broke up, because I couldn't really trust him even though I wanted to. I just can't let myself trust anyone because when I do they hurt me. I have been lied to in the past and am so afraid that I am stupid and believing him because I love him and my love for him is "blinding" me. Like I said before, he has never lied to me but I'm still so scared! I don't want to have another friendship or relationship go to sh!t.

[buckley]

hey,

 

again, as has been said, the best thing is for you to stay away frm facebook, it only causes you to over analyse everything.

 

the thing is just cos shes sittin his lap doesnt mean anythin, i sit on alot my guy friends laps, u dont know what lead up to that, maybe she was pushed onto him and then they were like ok take pic, or maybe someone asked them to do it for photo maybe it wa sjust harmless flirting, who knows, thing is u shouldnt even bring it up with him, atleast not in a jealous cant trust u way.........if u do need to ask him about it just say hey i saw ur new pic son facebook, is she still into u? or somehtin like that but DONT attack him about it when he comes to talk, as u said u have trust issues n this is part the reason u have broken up.

 

do u want him back? if so i htink u just need to start talkin to him about how u cant trust ppl, n that even seein pics of him hurts u, DONT attack him bout it tho cos he has done nothing wrong.........

 

i too have been hurt in past n i find it hard to believe ppl, esp after i was with a guy who was my best friend n my bf n ended up he had been cheatin on me n began to get violent with me, needless to say i was SOOOOOO shocked at how u think u know someone n u dont, but there will always be reasons to feel like u shouldnt trust ppl, n its so easy to keep ppl away so u dont get hurt, but it aint fun, nor intrestin n u miss out on so much, i promised myself after my bad ex that i wouldnt also let him take away my happiness in future rships by not trusting, things cana lways go worng, u just gotta trust until they prove u wrong..........

 

you will b ok, it makes u stronger anyways

[NR498E]

I can understand how you feel right now and I would find those pictures difficult to look at if I was you.However,you two are broken up so he has every legal right to be a flirt and do what he is doing.This doesnt mean that he love's you any less.I think the absoulute best thing for you to do when he comes over is to just be cool and have fun.If you wear your emotions on your sleeve thats going to make him happy that your jealous and let him think that he can manipulate your relationship.I know that you wrote in your last post that he isnt this type of guy.But all the guys I know would look at it that way.

When I was 18 or so I had a girlfriend that I had been with for quite awhile.(she looked alot like you by the way)I moved about an hour away and our relationship ended up alot like yours.I screwed around alot behind her back during that time.Even though we were technicaly "not together" I didnt want her to know anything that I was up to.I still loved her with all my heart but at that time and at that age I felt that I had to "play the field".It always seemed that when I was ready to fully break all contact with her she would just pop up and real me back in.She did it every time by simply being who she was.She never sat me down for a talk or anything.She would just be flirty and be her self and by the end of the night I would be totaly head over heels for her again.In the end because of my own retardation she let me go and I was heartbroken for quite awhile.

Today we are very good friends and a few months ago I did in fact ask her how she managed to hook me everytime I really started do drift away.She said "Andy your easy,I knew that you loved me I could see it in your eyes when you looked at me.I knew I just had to keep being the person that you fell in love with and I'd get you everytime."She was exactly right.

So for Saturday my advice to you is to just relax,don't worry about what he's been up to and just be the person that he fell in love with.If you do that and he does in fact love you things will work themselves out.Please don't make it a point to have a disscussion about your relationship status or anything like that.Let that conversation come up on it's own.And finally if things are weird or he doesnt seem all that into you anymore than thats ok too.That really just tells you that you never had anythig anyway and that there is someone out there that can really appreciate your love.

Goodluck and let us know what happens.Your friend Andy Stone

[Boricua7]

Thanks everyone for your advice. He told me that he was not involved with anyone before and I wanted to believe him but that picture I saw hit me hard. What bothered me most is that the picture was up on his profile and when I went to check it again he had been untagged, which made me feel like one of them really didn't want me to see the picture. I never mentioned it to him that I saw that picture but I did ask him again whether he was involved with anyone. He told me that the reason we broke up still stands (he didn't want to be in a relationship because he couldn't really give me the time I should get since he is so busy with his fraternity and school) and that when he's ready to be in one he hopes that I'm still available because I'm the only one who he thinks is worth it because he loves me.

 

I plan on taking a picture just like the one that he's in with Amanda and see his reaction. He is coming to visit and I can tell if he's lying to me (he's really bad at it when you're face-to-face and I know this not because he has lied to me but because I have seen him lie to others). I will ask him straight up IF the mood arises and hope for an honest response. I'm sure I'm just being paranoid. I always am and I hate it because I worry myself crazy over nothing. ](*,)

 

Thanks again everyone for your advice!

[ElektraHere]

Why is it so important to play these games? You are only giving him more power then he deserves. Tell me if your girlfriend was doing the same thing you were what would you tell her? I doubt you would tell her to act as you are. You would tell her to be strong, respect herself, and have no further contact with him.

I don't know why you need to have talks with him. If he wanted to be back with you he wouldnt schedule time to talk with you. He would just say it and do it. I think he is stringing you along.

You are 18 and I can tell you this when you look back at this when your 25-26 you will think "what was I thinking?" We are always growing but if you stay in this mode you will stunt that growth and be held back by your own fears.

[Boricua7]

I don't think my growth is being stunted. Quite the contrary, these experiences are helping me to grow. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

 

No game was played. No picture was taken. We just had fun, enjoyed eachother's company, and yes we did talk. The talk was a good one. It was worth it and so is he. I know he's not stringing me along because I know him and he would never do that. I know he loves me and that's all that matters. If things work out then great and if not then he will be the best friend I have ever had.

 

I know that from the outside looking in it may seem like I'm being foolish. This weekend he gave me more than one reason to believe that his feelings for me are real and that there is no bull sh!t in what he says. I needed to talk to him face-to-face and know that he was telling me the truth. That's what I needed and that's what I got.

[rebel_star89]

Have you ever thought of therapy for compulsivity??? Or how about a cold shower, why not?? I heard that works, one time I think I was like that and the cold shower, LOL, really help out!!!!!!!!!!!! What's really the worrying, he's your ex, thereforeeee, no relationship anymore.