Love=Hate?

[confused_soul04]

I am just really confused right now. Why do we often treat the people we love the worst? I mean I do it myself whenever I can, I find things to hurt the people I love and care about. Like when they make me mad I do stuff that I know will hurt them. Even if I don't have a reason I do sometimes. It's not all the time, I'm not cruel...lol but why do I do this? I mean is it immature of me or am I just mental? I dunno, I think that I am hurting the relationships I have with people now and I want to stop it. I know this is common because I hear about it a lot and I just wanted to know of any solutions! NEED HELP!

[kdreger]

It's a cry for help.

 

It's like screaming "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M IN PAIN! DON'T YOU CARE?" You want them to react - you want them to prove that they love you by showing what you said hurt them.

 

It doesn't work though - all it does is create greater problems. What you lack when you do such things is the security in yourself and the relationship. These are things that you have to learn (unfortunately, usually the hard way).

[segagirl]

well I went ahead and did my homework first. I have read all you're posts. From looking at them, I think that you tend to let your emotions get the best of you...you get upset...and you feel a little out of control.

I also think that you have a few self-esteem issues, which we all do!

But it affects the way we react nonetheless. I think that when you are looking to be hurtful, you are trying to protect yourself. You have taken a few "hits" yourself, and it's like your way of fighting back even when you don't need too.

It is not a good idea to lash out at other or make them feel bad...even though people are making you feel bad all of the time...

It would be best if you continue to look at yourself, tell yourself you are a beautiful, loving and strong woman...and decide what type of person you want to be. Do you want to be hurtful? or known as kind? I think you know the answer. It takes a lot of work to gain control over our emotions. ..but it's well worth the effort.

[secret_agent_man]

I agree with both. It's a cry for help, and you don't need them to listen, you need to figure out how to stop the reasons you cry out. People in your life are there because they care about you. They do care, although they don't always show it.

 

I personally have a different approach to showing I care...

I am more of a provider, "do you have everything you need?", "what do you want to do". I do this rather that just showing affection, but it's my own way. It took a while for her to get used to, because she thought I was cold. She thought I either didn't care, or didn't want to show it. She now knows that I just have a different way of showing it.

 

Just keep in mind that your friends/partners are not out to get ya, they do care, and they won't leave you hanging when it all boils down to it. Don't lash out at them, think of what it does to their emotions...

 

Best of luck,

 

S.A.M.