What Gives?

[cinderella jones]

ok so lately I have been feeling down and for those of you who follow any of my posts...well you know that I obviously sound confused. I guess lately I have been trying my best to move on after a bad and hurtful relationship...anyway, I spent the weekend with the new man in my life and again I tried my best to get him to intimate with me. I flirted with him, I kissed him..was really affectionate..and although this was a busy weekend for me...being that I just moved into my new place and all....I figured in my mind that this weekend I wanted to show him my sexual side and really show him how attractive I find him....I was hoping that by showing him this side of me..it would liven things up and allow him to be comfortable with me enough to be confident and be sexual as well....anyway...he and I were in the bathroom fixing my tub and he fixed it..so I felt relieved and just became really affectionate with him and told him that I wanted him. Now at this point he smiled..replied with the same thoughts and lets just say he physically seemed excited. That night..we went to bed and became really effectionate with one another...but then...after he got excited ...he just decided to stop and went to sleep...now I know it was a long day..but after day of me telling him I wanted him and pretty much showing him my truest desire for him...he was selfish and didn't even care that I was satisfied per say...now once and a blue I know that sometimes one can be tired and not perform their best..but I don't like the fact that he could go to bed without even trying for me....especially since we only get to see one another but so much because he lives an hour away.....and also since this seems to be a pattern with us...I am always pleasing him..and he doesn't please me....I don' t get it...I know he is loyal..I trust him..so why doesn't he miss me physically to the point that he shows me how much he wants me??? Is he just lazy?..He claims he is really attracted to me..so what gives then?...He even said that he thinks I am great physically...so wouldn't he just want me and have as much desire? He claims he masturbates so I know he has a sexual side.... i don't know what to think...can someone tell me their thoughts on this?..oh yeah ..and he left today and has yet to call me...I know he is home but yet he doesn't even call me to say he misses me?..now for a new relationship..isn't this not the way to act towards a new woman in one's life..shouldn't he be trying to impree me?

[Itsok]

It doesn't sound like he is too interested to be honest, either that or you are being too forward with him.

 

Why don't you let him make the moves, and by the way, refuse to please him until you're pleased first. Don't be such a giving lover to someone who is selfish in bed!

[cinderella jones]

see that is just it..I have confronted him about this..I have mentioned that I think he lacks intimacy with me...in a physical and "new relationship kind of way".....if you know what I mean....after we discussed this, he makes it seem that I am just a complainer..and that nothing makes me happy...in my response to him I tried explaining that I am just trying to understand how he feels towards me because it feels at times that he is not "that into me"....I do admit that he can be sweet by nature ....for example he will think of me if he goes to a store and will pick up something for me that he remembers I may need...but is that enough?...perhaps I am too passionate of a person for him..I even stated that perhaps I am not the kind of woman he is ga ga over...but his response is always the same..all he ever says is ..."well I don't know what else I can do"...it's almost as if he doesn't care"...but his sweet side that comes out every once and a while...makes me think that he shouldn't be capable of these things....he mentioned once a while ago that he battled depression..and that he can be very moody at times...so is there reallly anything I can do about that????

[Shadows Light]

Depression certainly plays a role in libido for both sexes. But... you are a NEW couple.. and unchartered terratrories... I can't see him losing interest that quickly. Intimacy in a relationship is important... if you don't have intimacy all u really have is friendship.

[cinderella jones]

Thanks for the advice...I am starting to think that either he is too into his own world....or is he someone that is just not that sexual of a person....I mean I can try and work it out with him if he is just accustomed to having that much time alone....just by simply talking to him about it..but if he can't talk about sex some more with me and continues with this depressive side....I may have to break up with him ... how doI approach this?

[ocrob]

Wow, I can not imagine not being sexual. I seem not to be able to keep it down. lol I think some of the other posts were very good. I would not pleasure him at all. Do not initiate anything and see what happens. He may just want to cuddle in front of the tv. Some of us guys have dealt with that and had to accept it. I guess the roles are reversed, but it seems odd accepting that you would dump him for not being sexual. It's weird because when I started writing this I totally saw your side. But, now I am thinking about a guy that would be upset with a woman for not performing sex with him. I guess it is kind of a double standard. I would just back off a bit and see what happens.