feel like i am breaking down - need advice

[deejay74]

so where do i begin?

 

i've been overwhelmed with the stresses in my life lately and the break up doesn't help. i've been battling a pretty serious sinus problem for almost 3 years and my ex obviously knew about it when we were going out. she was always very supportive and eased my tension when i started to worry about it. i saw my ear, nose, and throat doctor yesterday and the problem has gotten worse. i am gonna have to get a biopsy and a CAT scan cuz he doesn't really know what is causing the problem at this point.

 

in addition, i have a stressful job so going to work doesn't really help my situation at all. in fact, i had to leave work today because i felt as if i was breaking down. luckily, my co-workers were sympathetic and they sent me home.

 

right now, i feel like i have no where to turn for relief. if i was still seeing my ex, all i would need is to be in her arms and to hear her voice to make me feel better, but i don't have that anymore. i do see a therapist and i see her every tuesday but i am increasing my sessions to twice a week, so i won't be able to see her until tomorrow.

 

last night, the stresses of everything got to be too much and i almost broke my 18 day streak of NC. i called her cell phone from my cell phone, it rang a couple of times but i chickened out and hung up. if her phone was on, i know my number would've showed up on the caller ID. i called around 12:30am. i really wasn't expecting her to call me back and she hasn't.

 

i don't know if it is a good idea to call her or not, what do you think? i wouldn't bring up the relationship or the breakup but it would be comforting to hear her. she said i could call her anytime i needed to when she broke up with me, so i would be taking her up on her offer. i don't want to seem needy and weak though, but at the same time, i am in situation where i could use some support from her.

 

i am also wondering why she hasn't contacted me since 1/1. i posted a similar question here before about that and someone said she is being respectful of me by not playing mind games or confusing me with mixed messages. i want to believe that but i am not sure if that's the case. i started a blog on friendster and i posted something yesterday with regards to my sinus problem. i am reaching out to my friends to see if they can recommend a really experienced ENT. i saw my ex logged into friendster today when i was, so i am pretty sure my ex has seen it but she hasn't sent me an email or anything with regards to that. it's making me think that she doesn't care about me anymore. i am also thinking that her lack of contact means she's moved on and put me behind her - if that's the case, it really hurts.

 

anyway, i am doing my best to be strong but it's very difficult right now. i am also not sure what to feel, think, or do regarding my ex. i just wish i could be with her right now. i don't know what to do anymore. today is exactly 3 weeks since the break up and while the pain isn't as bad, i feel i have just gotten used to it. kind of like when you get a an injury, it hurts at first but you get used to the pain but it really doesn't go away.

 

thanks again for reading another one of my posts.

[Orlander]

First, I am sorry to hear about your continued sinus problems. I know what those are like. Now...

 

NC is still the way to go for you. Contacting an ex when you are strong, with good feelings of independence and confidence is ok, but you're not feeling that way and although your ex has expressed that it is alright for you to contact her if you are feeling low or stressed, I do NOT think it is a good idea. At this point, you CANNOT use your ex as a support. You have to wait.

 

Also, I would seriously consider taking her off your friendster list if that is an option you have. I have a myspace blog and I know you can delete friends on that. Why hasnt she contacted you? She is probably being respectful to you and complying with your request and she could also be taking the appropriate steps in helping herself heal and move on.

 

These are tough times, but they are the times that mean the most in our lives. You and I are pretty much in the same spot in our lives right now, but we must be strong. You have to get to a point where you are content with life and have feelings of being grateful for everything you have, including that relationship with your ex you no longer have. Once you get to this point though, you can find your true love.

 

 

 

Orlander

[cinderella jones]

I feel for you. I know what it is like to think of an Ex especially when you are down and want that familiar person to be there for you. I know I have fallen many times and made attempts to call...but when they don't call back it leaves you feeling screwed up...and then you kick yourself for calling... I know it's tough...life is not easy when changes are happening...hang in there...all of this turmoil is happening for a reason...it will only make you stronger....well at least this is what I think about when I am feeling lost. People always tell me that when you are at your strongest and feeling confident that is when positive things begin to happen in your life....including your love life.

[healinginnyc81]

hey man, I'm really sorry to hear that you're sick. I hope you get that taken care of. I also hope you will not seek comfort by calling your ex, it will only prolong the need for her and it will keep you attached to her. I know right now there's no replacement for the ex but we'll do our best here to support you.

 

I can guarantee your ex still cares about you. From what you've said of her she seems to be a decent person and there's no way she could just forget you like that. I really think the only reason she doesn't call you is that she is still getting over you. She may also be afraid that it will make her feel guilty. But either way I'm sure she cares about you but she is probably trying hard to move on with her life. She may even be doing NC herself to get over the relationship, who knows.

 

I have to agree with Orlander that this is not a good time to contact her. She probably won't offer the comfort you're looking for, but if she does then it will only bring back your desire to be back with her and keep you needing her emotional support.

[healinginnyc81]

PS. I had a relapse today and cried for a little while. I was in one of those ruts, feeling like I'm worthless and that I'll never be able to let her go and that I was never going to recover my self esteem. (I had an interview for grad school the other day and it didn't go too well because I just didn't have much confidence.) Then I saw an old friend who didn't know about the breakup and he was talking about how he has a philosophy class with her and what a great class it was. her and I shared a love of philosophy and I was going to be in that class but I dropped after we broke up because I didn't think I could handle it. Well, I went back to my room after that and cried for a little while and really wanted to call her or see her. But I can't and I'm going to try hard not to. There's just no other way to get over this.

[lonelyfish]

Sorry for all of your troubles!

 

The best advice that I can give you is to not contact your ex at this time! I know that kills to hear but when and if you do contact her you can't be at this state of mind that you are in. Take it from someone who was there and is still going through a rough time, the last thing your ex needs to hear is all of your problems. Even if you talk to her and don't mention them, 3 weeks is too much of a short time frame after your breakup to contact her. At this time you need to get support from friends and family and if they can't be of help post all you want here, there is always someone to lend you good advice and support! Just know we all feel for you and have experienced the same so we understand. I kind of got a bit of relapse of the hurt feelings last week from my ex after finding out he was dating someone else. The other parts of my life like my job are not going so well, even though it's a good one I'm not happy so having that to deal with on top of hearing about my ex didn't make for such a good week so I totally feel for you right now!

 

You have to believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel and just take things day by day! All the best!