Set Me Straight 2

[ocrob]

Hi all,

 

I am pretty much just venting right now. I wrote a post called Set Me Straight and got some great advice. The last time I initiated contact with this woman was on monday and I asked for plans on either friday night or saturday after noon. She never answered my e-mail and has not brought it up and either have I. I do not get this woman. She is so into IM. She IM's me everyday at work. She appears offline so people don't know she is on, but always writes me. We talked several times on the phone, but have not in about a week. It seems that since I have stopped initiating contact, she only communicates through IM and never mentions plans. Obviously she is not into me, but why the F is she even bothering contacting me? I now turn off my IM at home so she can't even write me. I do communicate at work because I am bored. It really pisses me off that she did not respond to my e-mail asking to see her. After this weekend it over, I really think I will have to give her a piece of my mind. I F'n hate playing games and I am not iniating contact with her at all, but I like to be straightforward and really want to call her out. I have nothing to lose. I really don't need an IM buddy in my life.

[smittenkitten]

Oooh, no, don't call her out on it if you can at all help it!!!

 

I'll give you the same advice I wish I could take.

 

Move on so fast she won't know what happened.

 

She's plain old being rude at this point. I don't know why she keeps IMing you. Maybe she's bored, too. Maybe she enjoys knowing that she's got you in reserve, b/c she knows you dig her, so she'll give you just enough attention to keep you nearby. That way, if she ever needs a date for anything, she can call you & enlist you.

 

So, OK. The thing about calling someone out on their behavior is that it accomplishes nothing. Telling a person what you think of his/her behavior won't enlighten them (they already know they're being jerks), won't change them, and certainly won't make you feel better. OK, you might feel better... for about 5 seconds. Then you'll realize that you still have to WORK with this lady... not to mention that she might go around saying, "Oh yeah, I went out with him a couple of times. He seemed nice. Too bad he turned into a big baby just 'cuz I wouldn't go out with him!" (No, I don't think you're being a big baby!!! But who knows what she might say about you!)

 

Umm. Nope. You don't need that.

 

Completely delete her. Ignore all her IM's, calls, any attempt to contact you. When you run into her, smile and be polite. You can even go so far as to be super friendly- "Oh hey, X, how are you doing?" Big smile, "Have a great day! See you around!", walk away.

 

Keep your dignity. Rant about it on here all you want, but don't let her know she got to you. What's the point? She'll just feel justified in her behavior, & you'll wind up feeling worse about yourself.

 

Rude. She's just being plain old RUDE, and that's unacceptable behavior from anyone, in my book.

[sbrew21]

Not to make any excuses......but have you emailed her before? There is a possibility that she didn't read her email or it was sent to a Spam folder. Especially if you send it through work I know my email blocks a lot of emails. I don't think its a big deal if you ask her if she got your email. Even if its through IM. If she says..."yes" then just ask if she's free. If she says no, then I would ask her what you said in the email. If after that she doesn't answer you (through the IM) then I would delete her IMs and email, phone number and all that. Since she contacts you all the time, she might not have read it yet. I know you want to be a hard$$ and not get hurt but I would just straight up ask her. Don't mention your feelings or anything like that. Just ask her straight up. You obviously want to see her

[ocrob]

Great advice. Smitten, I do not work with her. We talked on IM today and I decided to mess with her a bit. I know I can just walk away and it really is no big deal, but I just like to be straight up. In case she did not get my e-mail I asked her out friday. I said: " Any interest in going out friday or am I officially dedicated to being your IM buddy'? She answered: "nah" " I want to be more than IM buddies" and she used the little devil face. Of course, she did not answer my question about going out. I mentioned in the IM that I hate being ignored and why can't she just answer a question. We IM at work so she gets interrupted a lot. I mentioned that she never answers my questions and she proceeded to change the subject. Later in the day I asked her to type in " NO ". She typed it in and I said thanks. She asked " no what " I said I just wanted my question answered. She asked what question. I said the question that you ignored in my e-mail on monday and the one earlier. The one that I mentioned you never answer, which you ignored when I brought it up. She responded by saying: " oh that question ". She still did not address it. I realize that I should just blow her off, but I like dialogue or confrontation. lol I know I would recommend others just bail, but I am going to bring it up next time we talk on the phone. I hate IM for communication. She can say whatever she wants, but I do want her to say something.

[smittenkitten]

She asked what question. I said the question that you ignored in my e-mail on monday and the one earlier. The one that I mentioned you never answer, which you ignored when I brought it up. She responded by saying: " oh that question ". She still did not address it.

 

Aaagh!!! This is almost getting funny!!! What the ...?!?!

 

If she's playing a game, she's the only one who knows the rules!

 

'K- cool. I thought you worked with her. Nothing to lose then- have fun! Keep me posted!

[patience]

how old is this woman???

 

she's yanking your chain, I wouldn't even bother with her anymore...she doesn't seem to care at all about your needs or your feelings

 

she is hiding behind her computer screen, putting on this act...it's so immature...play along if you choose to, but after everything you've been through, I don't think this will do you any good in the long run

[sbrew21]

what a loser she is!

[finneganswake]

She talks to you over IM because you make her feel good. But she isn't attracted to you, so thats why she never bothers to step into the real world with phone/person-to-person contact. She's playing with you because she has nothing else worthwhile to do. In the words of Rick James, "She's a superfreak!" And not in a good way!

[ocrob]

I called her on the phone today and was completely straightforward. I told her that it pissed me off that she ignored me. I gave examples of things that she has said and done and then asked what she wanted. I told her that I don't play games and I am totally fine if she is not into me. We had a great conversation and she was really sweet. She just wants to keep things real casual. She is only looking to date for fun basically. She does want to see me and she said that she does like me. After this talk, it sounds like we are both on the same page. I will try to talk on the phone with her more because things get lost on IM and e-mail. My main problem with her was that she was ignoring me and sending mixed signals. I will keep you posted, but I think things will be cool now. Neither one of us are looking to get into a relationship and will just hang out and see what happens. That is what dating is all about.

[finneganswake]

I hope you don't get upset when you find you're one of many guys she is having fun with. I fully support keeping things casual and light, but judging by the way she ignores certain questions and only talks to you on IM, you may be one of many backburner guys. I personally question the way she has handled you, but if you are happy with things then that is all that matters!

[Iceman26]

Hi all,

 

but why the F is she even bothering contacting me? I now turn off my IM at home so she can't even write me. I do communicate at work because I am bored.

 

Because she is bored too dude.

 

I told you before man, quit wasting your time with this girl. I know exactly the type of girl you are talking about, and believe me, telling her off isn't going to do any good.

 

You know what you should do when she IMS you and plays these little baby games? Write her back and nicely say that you aren't interested in talking to her over instant messenger. If she wants to talk to you, she can pick up a phone.

[Iceman26]

I hope you don't get upset when you find you're one of many guys she is having fun with. I fully support keeping things casual and light, but judging by the way she ignores certain questions and only talks to you on IM, you may be one of many backburner guys. I personally question the way she has handled you, but if you are happy with things then that is all that matters!

 

I completely agree.

 

Rob, if she wanted to see you, she would return the attention. She would reply to the emails, and she would make definite plans with you. If you like dating nutjobs, then you have found yourself a winner.

[Iceman26]

I will try to talk on the phone with her more because things get lost on IM and e-mail.

 

One last thing. There is nothing getting lost here. You know she receives your emails and IM's, she just ignores them. Don't make excuses for her.

[finneganswake]

Exactly. How could she misinterpret "do you want to see me?" (or some other really simple question) on IM/email? I know it is hard to decipher tone and sarcasm and blah, blah, blah on IM, but there are no nuances to a straight-forward question.

[ocrob]

Ok, this is to the last few guys who gave me advice. I said from the beginning that I am not emotionally attached to this woman. I like her as a person, have fun talking to her and have fun with her. I am totally cool just being friends with her. Also, I am not looking for a serious relationship. She is very attractive and is not looking for a serious relationship either. If she and I can have fun together, then what is the problem? My only problem was with her ignoring me and playing games and we addressed that today. If she no longer ignores me and wants to hang out from time to time or have sex, then I am all for it.

[Iceman26]

Ok, this is to the last few guys who gave me advice. I said from the beginning that I am not emotionally attached to this woman.

 

With all due respect, if you weren't emotionally attached to her, then you wouldn't have gotten pissed off and called her.

 

But hey, whatever makes you happy man. Good luck with that.

[ocrob]

If someone on the street disrespects you, are you not going to be annoyed. I like this girl a lot as a person. I don't know her enough to be emotionally attached. Do you go on dates a couple of times and get attached? I hope not. This woman is someone that I am interested in and want to get to know. If I stopped talking to her tomorrow, I would be totally fine. If you dated a woman a couple of times and she gave you mixed signals, I would hope you would call her on it. That is what I did and if she continues to act the same way, then I am out of there. I do appreciate your comments and thanks for caring.

[patience]

I wouldn't be surprised if this is just how she is. Time will tell. If she disrespects you again, I hope you will let go, for your own sake.

 

Even though you aren't ready for a relationship, you still deserve to be treated right. I'm pretty sure you already know that though.

 

If the situation starts to hurt you, cut your losses. You've been through enough already. Dating, especially in the early stages, is supposed to be fun. If this starts to cause you grief, what's the point?

 

Don't let yourself get played. Even if you aren't emotionally attached to her, you still have to guard your own psyche...you just went through a break up not long ago...so on a certain level, you're still vulnerable.

 

Does this woman remind you of your ex at all? If so, pay attention to that.

 

People are giving you tough love because they really do care. (I'm sure you know that too!)

 

Get out there this weekend and have some fun!!!

 

 

[ocrob]

Thank you. This woman is nothing like my ex and I am totally cool just being friends. I did get out there this weekend and I think I had a little too much fun. lol

[ocrob]

Hi Patience,

 

This is an old thread so you probably won't read this, but I did go out with her last night. It was absolutely awesome. We had a great dinner, great conversation, lots of affection and a great time. She IM'ed me today saying she missed me. She is a sweetheart, but I will still never understand why it is so hard to get her to see me. After last night, I would guess she will want to see me a lot more. lol

[PocoDiablo]

My take on it?

 

The last time I initiated contact with this woman was on monday and I asked for plans on either friday night or saturday after noon.

For a first date? Those are VERY heavy date nights, and she may have thought you just wanted sex. I recommend weekday nights for 1st and 2nd dates. Maybe you came on too strong for her.

 

She never answered my e-mail and has not brought it up and either have I.

Okay, so you have your answer - it's "No!" This is no mystery, if she wanted to date you, she would have said yes!

 

I do not get this woman. She is so into IM. She IM's me everyday at work. She appears offline so people don't know she is on, but always writes me. We talked several times on the phone, but have not in about a week. It seems that since I have stopped initiating contact, she only communicates through IM and never mentions plans. Obviously she is not into me, but why the F is she even bothering contacting me?

Because she friendzoned you - she is treating you like a girlfriend because she sees you as sexually nuetered - a boy and not a man or potential partner. Bad for you, good for her. She's getting all this attention and you're getting jerked around.

 

I really think I will have to give her a piece of my mind.

Not unless you want her to think you're a big jerk. Be polite, be a gentleman, be the best you can be. Me, I'd just ignore her.

 

I have nothing to lose.

Just your reputation and self-respect. Stand up straight and be the better person.

 

And ignore her. Block her. Whatever.