KieranMc Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Ok... before we start, this may take a fair few lines to explain. So please read and comment. Met a girl, been seeing eachother for about 3 months. We slept together within a few weeks (not unusual, but a shame I suppose) and things are going really well... sort of. I took her to italy for New years and it was great, we really enjoyed ourselves, not had a holiday in ten years. Although it's only three months in, this is the first relationship I have allowed myself to get into in three years. Mainly due to focusing on career etc. I am earning that which I aimed to earn at this time in my life and things are very comfortable. She is financially sufficient and independent, so is in no need of assistance (makes a change... from girls I have mistakenly chosen in the past). Anyway... onto the problem. We have been very happy together and spent a lot of time together... Yesterday I had a few days off from work to rest etc and stayed at her place. I have stayed there many times aswell as when she isn't there. I tend to just tidy up, do the dishes etc, then go home. Before I left I had mentioned that I would take the holiday photographs to show to family... I picked up what I THOUGHT were the photos but when I looked inside they were pictures of her posing (naked). They were in a draw she has labelled PHOTOS which I have seen a thousand times. She has pulled out what I thought was every photo she had but obviously not.. At first she failed to see the logic behind getting our photos from the photo drawer... although I can understand NOW how she can feel violated.. as I was being a typical inconsiderate moron by just taking before double checking. Now.. I'm secure enough in my own ego to know that they are not recent pictures.. plus the date on them and her hair colour kind of gives the date away.. The issues I have are as follows.. 1. Why does she still have them? 2. How do I get past seeing that when we are together? (Please any suggestions are welcome yet naivety is not my forte thereforeeee I am aware there will be no quick fix.. if any) 3. Why on earth do Men handle things like this so badly? Rather than being sensible and thinking to myself - "It's none of my business and it was a past relationship.. get over it." I create the whole scenario in my head and then feel ill. I've had difficulty getting aroused around her since (well.. one day) and worry that it will get worse rather than better. Suggestions?](*,) Link to comment
Vanilla Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 you said it yourself- it was the past. her past has NOTHING to do with you!!! Maybe she kept the pictures because she thought she looked good in them. Its not like she kept pictures of her naked ex, or her having sex with someone. Theyre just her, and maybe she really likes them. I don't see anything wrong with it. I dont think you have anything to worry about. Do you look at porn? (I dont condone pornography AT ALL) but if you do, then you shouldnt really be asking this. relax, it was probably really old as you said. Forget about the pictures and enjoy the great woman you are with. I think you are making a huge deal out of something very insignificant. Best of luck! Link to comment
KieranMc Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 All of which I already knew however thankyou for your opinion. As I said... if you read.. I'm aware of how irrational I am being.. I want to know why? Perhaps this will turn out to be a male dominated thread as so far the female denomination has proved to be predictable in their response. Sorry but had to be said. You made an interesting point however.. maybe she just likes the way she looks on the photos? Hadn;t thought of that. As to pornography, it is irrelevant.. as to why you brought it up I'm unsure. Pornography serves a purpose and generates income for a large part of society. Problem is? Thanks again Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Maybe she kept the pictures for artistic reasons. Maybe she liked how her body or hair looked back then, and that's why she has them. It probably has nothing to do with her past relationship at all. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Maybe she has kept them because she really liked how she looked in them? Sometimes when we are having a 'fat day' it is nice to look and see that what is in our head..is not the reality! I have artistic nudes of myself too, or in other undress, that I like to keep for myself, I suffered body image issues in the past though (anorexia) so it is nice to look at them and realize that I am fit, in shape, and beautiful...you can see it more objectively in pictures then just looking in the mirror. They also sound like before your time, so the issue is not they were taken recently either! I also am not surprised she did not just pull them out and show you, they are a little more private and maybe just for her.... They are not pictures of naked ex's, or her with others, I don't know, it's her body, her private pictures, they are not online, so I really think maybe you are reading more into it then the reality is. Link to comment
KieranMc Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 They aren't artistic in the least.. they are provocative in the sense that a romantic session was imminent. She looks happy on them which in a strange way feels good.. as she hasn't had the best of times in recent years and seeing her smile is always great. The guy she was with was a bit cruel to her.. kind of guy I would enjoy going to jail for. So maybe that's it... I have a problem with him not the pictures? Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Plus, how can you be sure that an ex took them? Perhaps a friend who is a photography student took them of her, or maybe it was for an assignment. Link to comment
KieranMc Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 In response to RayKay... Hmm... I'm tempted to agree but they were taken as part of a sex session.. Comments? Link to comment
Itsok Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 I've kept pictures from past relationships for that same reason: I loved the way I looked, not because they reminded me of a past relationship at all. I've also kept some because I liked the location, etc. not because I was thinking of the past relationship by any means. Don't be offended. You've been with other women, she's been with other men. Life is like that. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 They aren't artistic in the least.. they are provocative in the sense that a romantic session was imminent. She looks happy on them which in a strange way feels good.. as she hasn't had the best of times in recent years and seeing her smile is always great. The guy she was with was a bit cruel to her.. kind of guy I would enjoy going to jail for. So maybe that's it... I have a problem with him not the pictures? That may be, but that does not mean she keeps them for the meaning attached to HIM. Even if they were taken before an encounter, it does not mean she ties their relevance to that session...it does not sound like he is any of them? Maybe it's to also remind her of a younger, more naive and less jaded her. Link to comment
KieranMc Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 Annie, it was her ex who took them and it was during sex.. which is fairly evident from the photos.. yet no graphic detail appears on the ones I saw.. I looked at two and placed the rest back in the drawer.. firstly because they are not mine to look at.. and secondly I felt ill. Link to comment
jl301 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 I agree with Vanilla and that her past has nothing to do with you. I know you are just in shock about the whole thing. Don't try to over analyzed about this because it will drive you nuts. I really think she was a little embrassed about it. If she wants to tell you about it, she will and don't keep on asking her about it. Do you know what? I think you should use this as your advantage. Maybe this another side of her that you get to know and she is shy about telling you about it. Maybe this will lead to an more exciting things in the bedroom. I think you are just too stress out about things and just try to relax. Everything should come back to normal, hang in there! jl301 Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Yeah, it's probably the ex you don't like, not necessarily the photos. I know that you were hoping for more male responses, but we're just trying to tell you what may be going through her head. I too have kept photos from previous relationships, but not necessarily because the photo reminded me of the relationship. One photo had a very nice sunset in san francisco in the background. Another reminded me of a very fun night my ex and I and our friends had at a bar. Maybe she was particularly happy that day because something good happened earlier (like a promotion at work or something) and looking at the photo reminds her of how happy she was. I too keep such photos so I can remember the emotions I felt at the time the picture was taken, not because of some attachment to the photo-taker. Link to comment
KieranMc Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 True... my Mind says "Don't be a fool, you have done similar things with partners".. I've had girlfriends before.. and upon seeing a past partner she felt slighltly upset... thinking that she wasn't as good looking. Hey, she's had better looking boyfriends than myself, yes I don't like it.. but I don't mention it. This is all ridiculous I know, I KNOW! Yet I'm interested as to why the male mind does this... or is it not male specific? Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 True... my Mind says "Don't be a fool, you have done similar things with partners".. I've had girlfriends before.. and upon seeing a past partner she felt slighltly upset... thinking that she wasn't as good looking. Hey, she's had better looking boyfriends than myself, yes I don't like it.. but I don't mention it. This is all ridiculous I know, I KNOW! Yet I'm interested as to why the male mind does this... or is it not male specific? I don't think it is male specific, if I found pictures like that too I would probably feel the same twinges of jealousy and wonderment. But perhaps I would not automatically link them to the photo taker...though I can see why you WOULD if he was that horrible to her. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Yeah, if I had a horrible ex who took naked photos of me, I would most likely destroy the photos.... unless I really liked how I looked in them. If I thought I looked particularly skinny in those photos, I would keep them... despite the ex... Link to comment
KieranMc Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 Have dealt with the irrational crap I was worried about yesterday... invited her round to my place with candles... Apple Pie and custard (her favourite) and apologised for my ridiculous behaviour. We had a lovely night, cuddles etc.. was great. She is so understanding and I just don't deserve her. She makes me really happy and she also comforted me with a page from her diary.. It was about a year ago she was in this relationship and without going into too much detail the diary page she showed me told of her frustration at how she had never orgasmed before through sex nor stimulation by a partner. This is great for me as not only does she orgasm (up to now) every time we have sex... she also ejaculates... Ok.. sorry for putting you all off your food.. it's simple things that quell simple minds. Feel great about things now and know I was being a fool... None of my business what she does with the photos AND.. I even stopped her from binning the pics.. telling her to do it in her own time for her own reasons. Enough of my self appreciation... and thanks to ya'll. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Sounds like you handled things well Kieran, it's great what some good old communication can do! I think letting her decide if she wants to, and when, is the best idea. I would bet you she will indeed end up binning them sooner rather then later...and asking if you want to take new ones She, and you, will feel much better when she does it on her own, and hey, making new ones will be even more fun for you both. Link to comment
Derek Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Sounds like it's all good now. Seems to me you two could talk about perhaps making some new versions of the photos just for you... "embrace the competition and extend beyond them" - the Microsoft way to monopoly. Link to comment
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