Where do we go from here?

[MyEyesHurt]

A posted a little while ago in a different part of the forum (How much of this is my fault? What now?) about my situation, and a few things happened since and I need a little advice. Here's a brief rundown.

I've known this girl for almost four years, we're best friends. We've been together since September 2004, we broke up in January 2005 and have been on-again off-again from then until a little after Christmas of this year when we decided to give a serious relationship another go. About a week ago she found out I had sex with a girl who she has since became close with. I want to clarify we were not together at the time and they were only acquaintances. Since then she's been distort, saying that I've betrayed her trust and everything. She's been with other guys when we weren't together, how is this any different? We had a huge fight about everything that's ever happened, and that went nowhere. We had a very long phone conversation last night about this and she couldn't stop crying. She's highly prone to depression and I'm really worried about her. Where do we go from here? We're going to keep fighting, we're going to do the on-again off-again thing, and I'm going to drink myself stupid while she's depressed. I just don't know what to do.

[Itsok]

Honestly, it sounds like you need to give her some space to sort all this out. She really needs to go through everything on her own a bit, unless she has specifically said otherwise.

 

I could see how she would become upset as she is now closer to this girl. I couldn't imagine being close friends with someone who had been with my guy as well; just wouldn't work.

 

Let her blow off some steam, but in all actuality, it doesn't sound like this relationship is on stable enough ground to tolerate this sort of stress. You've been on again/off again for some time now, which there must be a reason for.

 

Really think if this is going to go anywhere.

[MyEyesHurt]

Honestly, it sounds like you need to give her some space to sort all this out. She really needs to go through everything on her own a bit, unless she has specifically said otherwise.

 

I could see how she would become upset as she is now closer to this girl. I couldn't imagine being close friends with someone who had been with my guy as well; just wouldn't work.

 

Let her blow off some steam, but in all actuality, it doesn't sound like this relationship is on stable enough ground to tolerate this sort of stress. You've been on again/off again for some time now, which there must be a reason for.

 

Really think if this is going to go anywhere.

 

Normaly I wouldn't give a situation like this another thought, but I'm in love with her...

[pos69sum]

unless you're leaving something out, she doesn't have any basis for being upset with you in this situation.

[Itsok]

I know you are, or else you wouldn't give this another thought.

 

If you really love her, there's not much you can do but let her make the moves about this. It sounds like she is really upset and at the moment there's not much you can do to comfort her. She feels betrayed and like she 'should have known' I assume.

 

You had said she 'found out,' so maybe she feels like you were concealing this from her? Have you two sorted things out from the last break up? Make sure you do. Sit her down and tell her everything, try to sort things out so she doesn't feel like you have been lying to her.

 

It will be ok. All things pass with time and effort

[MyEyesHurt]

I know you are, or else you wouldn't give this another thought.

 

If you really love her, there's not much you can do but let her make the moves about this. It sounds like she is really upset and at the moment there's not much you can do to comfort her. She feels betrayed and like she 'should have known' I assume.

 

You had said she 'found out,' so maybe she feels like you were concealing this from her? Have you two sorted things out from the last break up? Make sure you do. Sit her down and tell her everything, try to sort things out so she doesn't feel like you have been lying to her.

 

It will be ok. All things pass with time and effort

She "found out" when she brought the friend to my house unexpectedly. The friend told her, then asked for a threesome, she flipped out.

[Itsok]

Well no wonder she's freaking out! I would too! Not only does she feel betrayed by you, she feels betrayed by someone who was supposed to be her friend, and I assume she feels sort of 'ganged up on' if you'll pardon that expression.

 

Wow what an akward situation for you both! I would try to contact her again and explain you are sorry, but that she also slept with others while you were broken up right?...she didn't tell you their names did she? Just because you haven't said "I slept with ____" doesn't mean you have done anything wrong.

 

Just because you all ran into one another doesn't mean you were concealing anything from her. The same could happen on your part, and although it would be akward, you'd just have to get past it. The same goes for her. She will just have to let it go if she wants the relationship to continue.

[MyEyesHurt]

Thanks. She knew I was hooking up with people when we weren't together, she asked a couple of times but in a joking manner, besides, what am i supposed to do give her a list? She never told me who she hooked up with. What she's saying is I hooked up with her "Best Friend" behind her back, which is simply not true.