today is a tough day.

[deejay74]

first of all, sorry to post here once again, i am beginning to feel like a pest.

 

today is exactly 2 weeks since my ex dumped me and 11 days since last contact. some of you may have read my previous post about me calling my ex but hanging up before i heard it ring.

 

i am very sad today. i keep thinking about her and about her reasons why she broke up with me and about 1 significant event that happened on dec. 2nd to which she cited that was a defining moment in our relationship when she started to feel different. even though she had started to feel different, i had no idea she was going to break up with me. i am sure her original reason to break up with me is true, but i also know there are somethings about me that probably influenced her decision as well.

 

anyway, i can't seem to hold on to a thought. i keep wishing we could get back together and work things out. then i think that's never going to happen. i also wonder is she's hurting and missing me. sometimes i think that perhaps she is already messing around with someone else. i then wonder how much she really was into me. i am trying very hard to work on me but that's tough too. other thoughts are: how long should i wait before i try and contact her? should i try? why hasn't she contacted me? did she really mean it when she said i could call her and email her anytime and that she wants to be friends? does she regret her decision (she said it was a very difficult one, did she mean that too)? why doesn't she want to work things out?

 

she's not flawless either and i always knew that. no one is. i accepted her flaws and i loved just about everything about her. i miss her smell, the way she felt when we hugged, kissed, and made love. we had so many things in common. she did make me feel special in the beginning of our relationship during the summer, when she wasn't so busy and it was wonderful. she did make an effort to our relationship when things got super busy for her and i blame myself for being needy when she couldn't devote as much time/effort to our relationship. i regret a lot of decisions and reactions i made during that time and wished i hadn't.

 

i feel so low at times b/c it seems like i, and the relationship, was just not worth it enough to her. sometimes i feel like she may have fallen out of love with me after dec. 2nd and was trying to get her feelings back for me but couldn't. why did she say she didn't know what was wrong when i tried to talk to her on xmas?

 

sorry everyone, i am so confused, hurt, and lonely today and i miss her dearly. i hope tomorrow will be a little better. i have a 3 day weekend and it sucks cuz i know that if we were together, we would be spending the weekend with each other and i hate being alone right now.

 

thanks for reading this to whomever does.

[NR498E]

First and foremost dont ever aplogize for posting here.Thats what its for and everyone here is more thatn happy to help.

I know how hard it is to not call her but it is imperative that you dont.Since your breakup is still pretty fresh the best thing you can do is give her time to miss you.And even more important than that give yourself time to get your head toghether.The fact that she says she wants to be your friend is irrelevant,thats what they all say.

I truly do feel for you and I wish you the very best,but the best thing you can do is stay away from her.You are your own worst enemy right now and remember "self control is a virtue." So far youve been doing very well alls you can really do is take what youve learned from all this and use it to better yourself.Goodluck your friend Andy

P.S. Youve barely scratched the surface of the lessons your about to learn.

[healinginnyc81]

yea, iwantherback, DON'T call her no matter what. I have called my ex about 5 times in the 5 weeks since we broke up and every time it just made things worse for me b/c she was just reaching for anything to say to get me to see that it was over. The longest I went NC was 2 weeks. It wasn't until a couple days ago that I found that she left me to go out with another guy. Of course, that made me more angry but wanting to call and ask her more questions but I'm resolved now not to call her for at least three months. Everytime I called it left me more messed up and even though she answered my questions and I'd be satisfied for a couple hours; I would then come up with twice as many questions based on what she said and I'd be more confused than ever and wanting to call her even more.

 

Whenever you get the urge to call, just come here and read and post until the urge goes away. I hope you feel better and stronger as the days pass.

[pos69sum]

my ex has been sending me emails and im messages. i haven't responded to her. i have the urge to call really badly lately - i have not called since we broke up. i have to keep reading these threads because i miss her so bad, and i know if i call all i'll do is just make the situation worse and mess up any of the progress i've made in the past couple weeks.

[friscodj]

I've found that after the break-up, you go through a time where NC is REALLY hard, you beat yourself up, you miss your ex so much, but if you keep doing NC, keep telling yourself, "one more day, one more day", keep yourself busy with other things, meet other people, keep your mind occupied, eventually you turn a corner and it gets easier and easier until it all becomes distant with your ex.

 

So stay the course my man, stay the course, as hard it may be, it WILL get easier if you just keep doing it. Maybe not right away but sooner or later you'll start sleeping soundly again and will be able to enjoy small things in life like sunshine, fresh air, and laughter. Let time do its thing. Stay away as hard as it may be now, it will get easier with time.

[Need1ozHope]

I feel EXACTLY how you feel brother. Mixed emotions too confusing to understand. Its tough but I suggest listening to others with with experience. Thats what I do. It helps

[deejay74]

so i go out last night with some friends to hear a DJ. i thought it was going to help, it didn't. First of all, the DJ is one of her favorites (Derrick Carter for those of you who know). all i could think about was how much fun she would've had if she came out and i kept thinking about her and how much i want to dance with HER!

 

i get home at 4am and here it is 10am and i can't sleep anymore. Why? Because I miss her so much it hurts!!

 

This NC is making ME miss her more and more. It's not supposed to do that, right? Isn't it supposed to make me stronger? It's not. I can bet it's probably making her miss me LESS and LESS!!

 

i have a couple of her things and i was actually thinking about dropping by where she works to give it to her. she is working today. i know for a fact she doesn't hate me and i know she might even be pleasantly surprised i came by, but i won't do it. what i wouldn't give for one last embrace with her.

 

today is day 15 since the break up and day 12 since last contact. she called me on new years to wish me a happy new year (2 days after she broke up with me) but that was the last time she reached out. this isn't getting any easier!](*,)

[healinginnyc81]

I promise you doing NC will not make her miss you less and less; if you are still around contacting her, how can she miss you at all?

Keep hanging in there. I had trouble enjoying anything for about a month after the breakup and I broke NC about 5 times in the 5 weeks we've been broken up. I'm determined now to never contact again until I've moved on and I'm enjoying my life. Think about it: Do you want her to see you as weak and helpless without her? Do you think that's going to be attractive to her? And for you, contacting her will only keep you holding on to her memory and wishing she would throw you a hint that she misses you. But do you really want to torture yourself like that? If she says she doesn't miss you, you will be really hurt and think she's lying. If she says she misses you then you will think it means that she wants to get back with you when that's not what it means at all.

 

It will get harder as you break free from her because your body, mind, and heart are feeling the loss. But once you get past that, it will get easier.

 

I'm not sure what point I'm at right now but I have found that I really don't want to talk to her anymore and I'm slowly starting to enjoy some things I used to enjoy like going out, and I'm starting to at least think about dating other women. It's been 5 weeks of hell for me and I'm sure I'll have relapses for months but we will get through this and be more independent and confident than before.

[friscodj]

This NC is making ME miss her more and more. It's not supposed to do that, right? Isn't it supposed to make me stronger? It's not. I can bet it's probably making her miss me LESS and LESS!!

 

I assure you at SOME point, you WILL turn a corner and start missing her less and less with each passing day. Stay the course.

 

It won't be easy but when it does start happening, you'll experience new definitions of happiness.

 

And yeah, you don't want her to see you as a pathetic sap, her sympathy is not what you want or need at this point.

[NJRon]

Think of it like an addiction you are trying to overcome. In a sense it is. Everytime you get your 'hit' of her, you'll feel good while you're doing it, but, right after, you will be back where you were and starting all over again.

 

You need to wait until all of the urges are over. When you no longer feel like contacting her, then you can contact her. Wanting to contact her is a warning not to.

 

Just take it one day at a time.

[friscodj]

Think of it like an addiction you are trying to overcome. In a sense it is. Everytime you get your 'hit' of her, you'll feel good while you're doing it, but, right after, you will be back where you were and starting all over again.

 

That's a really good way to think about it! And so true...

[healinginnyc81]

Oh yea, NJRon, I've experienced that all too much.

 

Five times I talked to the ex (basically once a week after we broke up), and every time I felt really good talking to her but a couple hours later, I was even worse off, wondering what happened to the connection we had and wondering if the talking was a sign that there was hope. It really set me back in the healing process and I'm committed now to moving on with NC