Too Soon? Please Help..

[littleone22]

I met a guy about 1.5 months ago at a college church retreat. He really showed some interest in me, but I didn't pay too much attention. It may have been due to the fact that I had just ended things with my boyfriend of 2 years, who had been very verbally abusive, and our relationship was so hurtful to both of us right before it ended.

 

I went on this college retreat with an open and broken heart, and just wanting to get my life back. Then I met him...

 

Anyways, to sum it up we have been seeing each other ever since. Going to dinner, and doing many other fun activities together. He has his imperfections, but he is SO nice and respectable, something my ex didn't posess all the time.

 

See, I haven't known this new man for longer than 2 months, but he seems to love and respect women, and he took me out to a nice restaurant on my bday, and it was very romantic.

 

My question is my ex still calls me sometimes, and I still do have feelings for my ex. This guy Im seeing now has been there when my ex has called a couple times, and I was very honest with him, and he appreciated it and didn't get bothered by it.

 

Im so torn as to what to do. I know its not fair to still have feelings for my ex and date this new man, but he is so very sweet and just what I am looking for in a man.

 

Would it be best if I just stopped dating him right now, or would that be a mistake because he is such a nice guy. I don't want to lose this new man, but I don't know if I am doing the right thing by seeing him at this time.

[blueangel]

I think what you are doing now is fine as long as you keep being honest to both parties... as with yourself. You want to be with this new person and even if you have the feelings for the other, the fact that he was abusive initially hints that you really should get over him. ANd you will. In time.

[Boricua7]

Right now the fact that you are still emotionally attached to your ex is a hinderance to your new relationship. It is not fair to this amazingly sweet and understanding guy that you be with him because you are not in it whole-heartidly. If he really is as caring and respectful of women as you say he is, he will understand that you need time and be there for you. I don't think you should be in a relationship yet. Then again, you know best. To me it just seems you still need time to heal.

 

Kudos for being honest to both parties, I admire you for that.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

hi,

 

If you think that you and your ex can get together again without problems, then leave this man before he get hurt...and try to make things better with your ex..

 

If still like your ex but you cant be with him again in a good and respectful relationship, then be with this man you like and forget your ex..

[Ms Omaniac]

to me...that's a toughie.

 

personally...anyone who treats me badly...i start to not like. and if someone was reallllllly nice to me...i'd want to be around them more.

 

if i wasnt completely healed but met a great guy...id be honest and tell him im not ready for a full blown relationship. BUT that i enjoyed his company and would like to know where this goes but it would have to be at a slow pace.

 

i would also DEFINITELY do NC with ex. i dont care if i did like him. no one treats me like crap. you have to respect yourself. people only respect you as much as you respect yourself and as much as you let them. i dont care who it is...no one has the right to do that to me. if they do..it's because i let them and i gave them the control to. and i just dont.

[Boricua7]

i would also DEFINITELY do NC with ex. i dont care if i did like him. no one treats me like crap. you have to respect yourself. people only respect you as much as you respect yourself and as much as you let them. i dont care who it is...no one has the right to do that to me. if they do..it's because i let them and i gave them the control to. and i just dont.

 

Go girl! She is soooo right! People only walk all over you when you let them. Cutting ties with this abusive ex does sound like the best thing to do. Like I said before, I think being in a relationship right now is unfair to the other party because your heart isn't in it all of the way if you still have feelings for someone else. However, blueangel made a good point in saying that in time you will heal. Perhaps being with this amazing guy and time together are good for you. It's your choice, you're the one who knows best.

[luci_26]

well DUH sweetheart... you'll probably always have feelings for your ex... that doesn't neccasarily mean that you shouldn't move on. but if your feelings for your ex are WAY over-bearing and getting in the way of your new relationship... there's a problem. i agree ^ i think you should go to NC with your ex... because even though you say you miss your ex.. you must really like this new guy if you talk so highly of him... ditch your ex... and keep this new guy... he sounds like a winner.

[littleone22]

You have all been of great help.

 

Some good points were made too. When there is someone who involved, like my ex, who did have a good side, but only when I was on my best behavior. I don't know this new man too well, but I can see he is different in SO many ways from my ex, and I couldn't imagine him yelling the expletives at me that my ex did.

 

My ex was so very sweet, but his temper and his cruel words still ring in my head. Yes, I need to have more respect for myself, and as hard as it may be, and as much as I may be scared to do it, just do full on NC.

 

This new man has been so kind to me, and i need to be fair, and let me ex go 100%..

 

Thank you everyone.

[luci_26]

that makes me very happy that you've come to a decision.. this guy sounds a lot better than your ex... and i wish you both the best of luck...