Mature advice about aging father?

[QBwannaB]

This site's grown since the last time I was here a year ago. With mostly adolescents posting about relationships, can any adults relate to my situation?

 

I'm 24, and moved away from home since college. Back then my father would call too much... like those "helicopter parents" you hear about. He started a family later than most people, so he's past retirement age now. We'd used to argue constantly on the phone, yet he'd keep calling. Now that I've graduated, he continues to call and keep tabs on me almost daily.

 

I've matured enough to stop arguing with him, but I can't help getting annoyed. I understand that he feels insecure at his age, and feels the need for constant reassurance. I love him, but he's so overbearing. I've talked to him before about it, but we can't relate because of the generation gap. How do other adults deal with their aging parents?

[ElektraHere]

Hi QB,

 

I know an overbearing parent can be annoying but if he is older you should enjoy these moments with him. If your Dad has always been like this and you have talked to him about it I think you will just have to get used to it. You know when he is gone you will look back at some of his overbearingness and probably laugh about it.

 

Not sure if this helps any but I would cherish the moments you have with him in your life. BTW is your mother still in the picture?

[QBwannaB]

Elektra,

 

Thanks for replying. It's always tough when parents and children switch roles as the years pass. Fortunately, I don't have to be financially responsible for them, since I'm just breaking even on my own. My mom's more of a "normal" age, so she still remembers how it is to be young. She tells my dad to lay off sometimes, but he's still got me on speed-dial. They're almost like the parents from Everybody Loves Raymond.

 

Thanks again for the thoughtful advice. I hope all is well for you in 2006.

[Shadows Light]

I LOVED THAT SHOW... and my MIL was like that very much. I related well to that show. I remember thinking.. is somone looking through my window, writing my story and syndicating it all over the US.

 

LOL. incidentally.. I did find out one of the writers from the show WAS from my area !!!

 

I love my mom. She's my right hand. She's my anchor. And yet.. .yes there are times I just want to be left alone. Thats when an ANSWERING MACHINE.. is priceless.

 

I've lost my dad. He used to get on my last last nerve at times. I wanted to scream. yes..there was role reversal going on... I used to think.. geeeze This is the man that raised me.. by SHEER luck did I survive to be who I am.. LOL. yes.. and guess what, everytime I remember now and anecdote he told me, or something he taught me. I smile.

 

He used to say.. if you don't have something nice to say.. or you are about to say something mean.. get yourself a glass of water and drink it.

 

lol. You can't very well say anything while your mouth is full of water now can you?

 

My mother... well.. she doesn't run my life. My believes in letting us all make our own mistakes. She gave us life.. now our job is to LIVE it. She helps where ever she can.. but not in a "do as I say, I know better" tone. She gives me enough rope for me to hang myself. She always did.. and then she's there to help me to pick up the pieced. And doesn't give me the "I told you speach".

 

With your dad... the best thing to do is to try to grit your teeth, have a glass of water ready next to that phone.. and just "YES" him. Take what he has to say. Thank him for his advice and move on.

 

And make sure you tell him you LOVE HIM as often as you can.

 

I'm sure that he was a wonderul doting caring father. YOU really are very very fortunate to have him care for you so much.