Mending Bridges and Burying Hatchets

[moogleman]

A couple of years ago I was basically obsessed with a girl at school. I used to be her friend for a while but then started to break the trust of a basic friendship and I began to have a main goal and aspiration to kiss her...nothing else mattered to me.

 

I never took advantage of her like that, but she began to not be open and friendly with me (and rightly so). I remember that I stared at her, said crazy things just to say anything, and always tried to sit next to her...(stupid clingy and stalkerish things like that). I remember feeling that I would "die" without her and crazy stuff like that.

 

During our earlier interactions she had given me her IM screen-name and about 6 months after having met her, she told me about all the terrible things that had happened to her. She was nearly raped twice, her mother told her how she didn't want her as a daughter anymore, that she would be moving away (which she was forced to do much of in her childhood for her parents' occupational reasons), and that a couple years earlier, her best friend had died.

 

I instantly felt horrible and something hit me. I believe that I learned that "love" is wanting what is best or better for someone else and doing whatever you can to make that a reality, and that "love" comes in all shapes and sizes...and that it never fails unless you decide to never try to love again.

 

With this knowledge that had hit me almost like divine intervention, I knew I had to do something but I was scared still of the situation, for now I knew of how bad things were between me and her...everyday I could see how she didn't trust me and was frightened by my over obsessive actions towards her.

 

I decided to try and tell her that I cared about her and "loved" her (as a friend of course) a couple months later but she wouldn't speak to me face to face (which is what I was prepared for), and I had to try and convey what I felt and learned online on IM. It turned into an absolute nightmare and we were both angered and hurt.

That summer she moved away and I never heard from her again.

 

In high school retreats and the like I have told the story and I can see how what I have learned from that girl has true bearing and that it can help people in someway to live better and more happily.

 

This was roughly 1 and 3/4 years ago and it still haunts me. It was the one time I tried to do something that was actually GOOD...and I failed. I want to finally finish what I set out to do for that girl because I think it could really help her...but I don't know how...or if I should.

 

I have some contact with mutual friends of ours, but its quite limited as they are in college and don't spend much time on IM.

 

so...any suggestions?

[moogleman]

cmon guys...please help me.

[Alabama]

Okay, you really did like this girl and became friends at first, that's good. I don't think that your possible friendship with her is ruined forever. If you still want to help her that's good! I would see through the mutual friends if you can still contact her. Take it slow though. If she still feels that your a stalkerish type again, then it won't work. Approach her when you can and talk to her. See if you can't help her get through the pain that she has felt in the past and is still feeling. You can do it. Good luck!

[moogleman]

I hope you're right...but parts of me have trouble believing that maybe I can make a difference.

 

Despite how badly things went between us, I can't say that I wish I never met her, because of the person it has molded me into...but if I could "feed the flower I robbed" (y'know...give back to something that somewhat empowered and enlightened me) it would mean so much to me, even though the ways it has influenced my actions with old friends and new faces has been more than I could ever hope for.

 

The only thing I have given in the past 2 years is to stay away...and I don't believe that such is all that I'm capable of....at least now anyways.

[Alabama]

But if you've realized this much about yourself already and now know what love is, than you have come far. You've had time to heal your wounds it sounds like if you've stayed away for 2 years. I suppose the best way to give something back is to simply be a friend. That's the best way I can think of. It can be hard to give equal treatment for what people have done. But as long as we at least try, the effort will be more than appreciated.

[moogleman]

Has anyone ever gone through anything like this before?

 

I'm somewhat insecure still...I hate to say it but I'm scared that I will aggravate things. If anyone has any good ideas and has been in such situations before, I would appreciate the help.