I hate knowing what to do... but it so hard to do it!!!!!!!!!!

[krissy]

I need help. I'm in a relationship with someone and it isnt healthy. He is verbally abusive, calls me down to the dirt, tells me i have no friends, i'm always depressed, i'm stupid, i'm a * * * * *, i have problems, i'm a headcase, i need to check myself into a mental instuition, etc. Also tells me he wants to beat my head in, whats to kick my teeth out, wishes i would just run myself off the road, as he tell me this he grabs me and puts bruises on my body.

 

He tells me that I make him do this. He tells me that if i didnt make him so angry he wouldnt have to do this. And that i'm the only person in the world that he does that to.

 

Today I threatened to go to the police and charge him with making threats against my life and physically hurting me. He just started to make fun of me more and told me that he hates me and that I'm the one with the problem.

 

WHY in hell would i EVER want to be with this person?!?!?!!?!? yet i cant leave. i feel like i have no one else. i feel like i'll just have to put up with this crap so I wont be alone.

[Bethany]

I don't know what advice you're expecting to receive and I won't talk to you like a victim because you have a choice that victims don't have. You're just plainly being weak so you don't get my sympathy and I know being the strong woman that I am, that deep down inside myself that I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than be in a relationship based of fear and control.

 

I personally think your a fool if you stay with a menacing, threathening man who may do those things to you and of course you can leave. You lived without him before, and you will again, unless of course he kills you before you see sense.

[jaiva]

You are definitely worth more than this. Each day you must look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love you and that you are beautiful and that you deserve better. That is to help you boost your confidence in yourself which will help you leave.

Another thing you must know. Verbal and emotional abuse are just the start of physical abuse. You must leave the relationship because he might actually physically harm you one day or even kill you. Your life is more important.

And please also seek professional help.

Hope I've helped.

[krissy]

I just want to say that Bethany that not everyone is so blessed as you. I want to tell you that when someone puts your self esteem down sooooooooooo low that it feels impossible to move on.

 

I hope you do not respond to this post.

 

I thought this was for support and not pretty much telling someone they are as weak and their boyfriend tells them they are.

 

Thanks alot for you confirmation that people really do care.

[Bethany]

I want to tell you that when someone puts your self esteem down sooooooooooo low that it feels impossible to move on.

 

I disagree, I've suffered more tragedy already in my life than most will ever know and I find the strenght to pick myself up and carry on regardless and I am sorry you find my blunt and honest opinion hurtful but I can't compromise on being me or in my opinions.

 

You can either stay or you can reach down into the very depth of your soul and say to yourself.. 'Enough is enough. This man doesn't care about me, this man doesn't love me,he might even kill me and I deserve better, I deserve a man who will love and cherish me, a man to have a family with without the fear of me or my children being beaten in the future'..... The choice is yours.

[SeaBisquit]

OMG! i was in a relationship that was very similar. for your own safety break free!

[Mrocza]

A lot of people stay in bad relationships because they are scared to be alone. I can relate. Being alone may be a scary thing when you feel alone in the first place- because he isn't helping you in any way. Maybe you're scared because you feel you don't have the support of your family and/or friends, and I don't know your personal situation to comment on that, but staying with him is emotionally killing you. If you keep listening to what he's saying, you might start believing him.

 

But you're better than that- you KNOW you are. You ask yourself why are you putting up with it, you realize it's wrong, now the next step is to ACT. You shouldn't have to put up with his abuse. You are stronger than he is, because he has to feed off of you. Making you feel like * * * * is his energy source. Why don't you make yourself YOUR own energy source. You don't need him.

 

Being alone is not a scary thing. It's scary because right now you feel alone. Trust me, being on your own will open your eyes to the fact that you should have left a long time ago. Only you are holding yourself back from personal happiness. Get rid of him.

[krissy]

thanks so much. i know the reason why i'm with him is because i dont want to be alone. but i've learned that its easy to just say something like "leave him" but its actually hard to do.

 

well actually, today he told me that he hates me and to get the * * * * of of his life so I'm pretty sure he ended it today. so now its just the getting over him part. for some reason i think the first little while is gonna be hard but then its gonna hit me, why was i letting him do this to me??

 

thanks again

[jaiva]

There is a possibility that he will come back to you. He will not be able to find someone who he can use to make himself feel better. He might apologize for all that he has said to you and he might even bring gifts or whatever but do not fall for it because he also needs help. He needs to boost his own self esteem so that he will know that it is not okay to help lower others'.

Hope I helped.

[krissy]

I've tried many times for him to get help. I wanted him to go get help for anger management issues. He agreed one time but then later told me that he doesnt need help because it is me. He would never act like this with anyone else and the simple solution is to just get rid of me. I've never in my life had anyone treat me like he does. No guy I have ever been with has hit me. Not one.

 

Some how I dont believe him when he tells me he's never been this angry with anyone else.

[jaiva]

Like I stated before. The reason you do not believe that he has not been that angry with anyone else before is because he has self esteem issues and you sense that. He is not willing to get help because he is too afraid to admit that there is something wrong with him. Men are like that. They do not like to admit when they are wrong, or hurt or anything that might hurt their image. Do not worry about him. Worry about making yourself a better person.

Hope I helped.

[krissy]

Yes you have help. thanks so much for responding to my posts. its just such a difficult time for me. cause i know this is the right thing (breaking up) it just hurts so bad.

 

I know I've tried to fix him because I love him when he isnt mad. But the thing is there needs to be love all the time. I know that.

 

Thanks

[Gracelove]

I'm sure you don't want to be with this person. You are probably just hurt and scared.

It takes strength, or support from strong people to leave a relationship like the one you are in. And if you are feeling too weak to leave, reach out to someone.

I don't know if many people make it out on their own. I know I didn't. Tell someone around you what you are going through. Tell a parent or a friend that is strong enough for you to lean on. Those who really care will work to help you get out.

All you need is a little help. Don't give up, k. Nothing is wrong with you. You are just vunerable. I've been there. Just because you are in that state right now, it doesn't mean you aren't a strong person. It just means you need a little time to gather your strength. Once you get away from him you'll find yourself getting stronger.

Everything will work out. Ask for help, k. There is no shame in asking for help, espicially if you really need it.

The person you are with is an angry, insensitive, abusive, violent, person who gets pleasure out of harming someone he believes to be weaker than him.

He is the person with the issues.

Don't let his words damage your spirit. Save yourself. You are worth it.

[1824blue]

I was in a very similar situation, and he ended up breaking up with me about a month ago, which was also really hard, because it is just my pride but I couldn't believe that in the end he was the one to end things. I knew through out the relationship that I was alot more unhappy than happy with him, but I too was scared to leave due to alot of different reasons. I loved him, and felt scared to be without him. When things were good they were really good, but near the end those times were few and far between.

 

Now that it is over I am beginning to find myself again, it is hard though, and I know its stupid but I still really miss him. Even if you do leave him which you most definintely should it won't be easy. Abusive relationships are like an addiction, you become depended on the highs and lows. But believe me, that is a very twisted way to love someone and be in a relationship with them. You need to get out, so that you can begin healing and become whole again.