a new life

[pierlessblake]

i see that on this forum many of you are going thru breakups, how do you deal with your new life when your relationship is over? It scary, i'm kinda afraid of being alone.

[charliek]

The best thing you can do after a break up and really get started on your new life. . .first and foremost start seperating you from your ex. Meaning start writing down what you want to do. . .not what you thing you would want your ex to do. . .or what you and your ex would do. . .but all of those things that were inside of you that you didn't do b/c of your ex. . .Then each day try to complete at least one of those things. My ex and I broke up after 5 years together not to long ago, like a month ago. I started right away to figure out what is going to make me happy w/o him. What excites me where I don't even have to think about him. . .and so I picked a city that is so different from where I live now, applied for jobs went on interviews and now tomorrow I have to decide if I am moving. . .Right after the break up I was irrate towards my ex. . .he had broken up w/ me 2 times prior to this and I knew that I had had it. . .So the best thing that ever happened to me, I dug very deep down inside of me and started to reinvent myself in a sense to gain all of my strength back. I wanted to prove to him (at first) and myself (now) that I don't NEED him. . .yes I WANTED to be w/ him but I don't NEED him to live my life or to define my happiness. And what's pretty funny is sense my ex and I broke up we have hung out and we've talked a lot and he knows I have this big decision to make and now he's scared. . .now he's admitting he messed up ( another girl has been after him for the past 3 years and he was unwilling to end their "friendship" even though she was telling him how much she loved him and wanted to be w/ him etc. He also lied and got caught about how much he was talking to and seeing her) I have finally these past few weeks been able to stand up for me and tell him I have so much more pride in myself, more self respect, and confidence in myself then obviously this other girl b/c I know I am going to be so OK w/o him. That I would rather be alone then to ever have to deal w/ a relationship where the guy I am w/ prefers the attention of more then one girl. . . .Anywho. . he has seen all of this confidence and now is second guessing our break up. Is telling me to stay, is telling me he's scared of me leaving etc. But you know what, almost every time after I come home from seeing him, I get online to look for apartments in this new city. . .b/c I am sooooooooo excited to discover and explore this new city and find out who I am w/o him so the next luck man that comes into my life, I know I will NOT compromise again who I am. So that if things don't work out btwn me and the new guy, it'll be ok and I won't have to question what am I going to do w/ my life now. . .Does that make sense? Also a friend of mine who was going through a break up as well told me to pick up this book. I HATE self help books so I refused and refused and then finally one day liek you I was searching everywhere for answers, for someone to relate to me and go through this w/ me, to find someone or something to tell me NOW WHAT I was going to do (which is how I found this site) well I went and got the book. . .it's called it's called a break up b/c it's broken. . .get it, read it and trust me its not a step by step here's how you're are feeling and here's how to fix it. It's a book by a husband and wife team who explains what they went through and it is so relateable. . .at times points out things that you are currently doing and calls u out on your behavior (those moments I threw the book accross the room. .. didn't want to admit they were right!!LOL) But it helped me alot to have to admit to myself. .they were right. My relationship was broken and that's why it didn't work. . . but try it!! And this site is awesome in helping as well. . .I am always willing to listen to venting. . .and always willing to dishout advice!! Good luck and remember, enjoy this time alone, the next person who comes into your life may be the one and you may NEVER be able to enjoy just you time w/o having to answer to anyone again!!

[acuraman]

It was hard for me to readjust to being single when you get so used to having that person around you almost everyday. I kept myself occupied by spending time with my family/friends, gym, running, and things that I normally didn't do when I was in a relationship.

 

To be honest with you, it sucks to be alone and no one wants to be alone and don't think your the only one that feels this way. However, it does allow you to find yourself again and improve on your mistakes from the past relationship.

[catgirl82]

the best way to start that new chapter of your life is with a positive outlook.

when i broke up with my serious boyfriend about a year ago, i was freaked out. but the one thing that really helped me was to really try and understand exactly WHY we broke up and understand why it was for the best.

 

once i realized that breaking up wtih my bf was for the best, i was able to start thinking about all sorts of things the future would hold for me- new, exciting relationships with new people (both in terms of dating and just friendships)

 

i really came out of my shell after my breakup and made a huge effort to socialize, make tons of new friends, and just rediscover myself almost. i flirted with tons of boys (didnt get into any relationships right away, but just had fun).

 

so, my best advice is to look at this as a new beginning and be optimistic and positive about your future. dont forget to look at the big picture of your entire life. your ex is just one guy, one experience out of the MANY that you will have over the next few decades