Mixed signals..PLease help, this is really bothering me.

[SuperDuper]

Hey everyone, lately my ex and I have been getting closer to each other, since about a week ago. She started talking to me on IM about 1-2 times a day, and coming up to me at school, and talking and things like that.

 

Last weekend we hung out and had a good time at a friends house, watched a movie, bonfire, it was fun. Everyone asks me if we're getting back together, and are like "awww, you guys were so cute im glad you are" .. but I haven't said anything about getting back together, and I think she's mentioned some thigns to her friends.

 

Anyways, Im having a small gathering this weekend, and there will be drinking (responsibly) and my ex says she's really excited, and I got some inside info that she wants to do stuff with me then..

 

But here's where I need help, I noticed it today that she didn't really talk to me as much as she has in the last few days.. she didn't come up to me and start a conversation.. I went up to her and her friends in the gym and started talking about my party. Then later on our next break we talked in a group for a few minutes, but then I went and looked for my buddies.

 

I feel I am getting slightly mixed messages from her, and I don't really know what to do from here, should I start talking to her, or should I just make it seem as if it doesn't phase me at all whether we talk or not, or what?

 

Please help.

[RescueDiver]

Dunno what to tell you SuperDuper... could you give us a little back story as far as how long ago you broke up, why you broke up, who did the breaking, etc...

 

Just be careful because I am in the same boat as you right now and in my case the gal started IMing and e-mailing me more recently (even going as far as mentioning missing me and so forth). That's starting to give me mixed signals as well. In my case too it seems like she's backed off again. So, if I were you I would go on as if she's still not interested in you. If you're feeling really bold, maybe if you can catch her alone, ask her what's up and tell her you feel like you've been getting mixed messages from her. Chances are she'll say something like she has been thinking about you more or something but nothing's really changed. Girls seem to do that after they break up with you and it can be VERY frustrating.

[Day_Walker]

You have to know what you want from your ex, do you want to get back together or do you just want to be friends. Think of what you want then you will have a better idea what you want to do.

[SuperDuper]

Well right now, I feel I want to build up the relationship we had, and then get back together with her. She broke up with me back in the beginning of summer, and we hung out a bit in the summer, actually quite a bit, and then we went our separate ways until about a week or so ago, when she started talking to me everyday.

 

It's like, whenever she comes up to me and starts talking to me, and we leave on a good note, I am in the BEST mood and the rest of my day is great because I think back to us talking and remember that she must care if she's initiating conversations again.

 

So when I feel she's backing off slightly and not talking to me as much, I feel the complete opposite, and get down in the dumps.. and I dont' like it. I don't feel I have the right to ask what's going on yet because we haven't really done anything that would suggest we're getting back together, despite the things she told her friends (saying she really likes me again, etc..) except she doesn't know I know these things.

 

Sometimes I go down her classroom hallway just to see her, and if she smiles, i'll feel good until we talk again, or something like that. I don't know what to do...

[PocoDiablo]

Anyways, Im having a small gathering this weekend, and there will be drinking (responsibly) and my ex says she's really excited, and I got some inside info that she wants to do stuff with me then..

 

But here's where I need help, I noticed it today that she didn't really talk to me as much as she has in the last few days.. she didn't come up to me and start a conversation.. I went up to her and her friends in the gym and started talking about my party.

You know, I usually try to tell guys not to "ask around" what's going on with friends. Why? Well because friends talk, too. I wonder what got back to her, you know?

 

The reason why I say this is because it *seems* like she backed off after you talked to these other people. Do you think she does not like her personal life being the topic of conversation among all these people? I know I would not. And maybe, just maybe (I don't know though!) that is what is happening?

 

The thing I like to do is think about what I did when a woman backs off. Usually if she does it's because of something I did. So I say "Hm, what did I do right before she backed off?"

 

One other thing that comes to mind in your case is that you are talking to friends, they've said she wants to do things (sex?) with you, etc. But maybe she doesn't. Maybe they are just making this up or guessing, and now she feels like they are making her out to be promiscous? I know that a persons reputation is very important to a lot of people, and maybe this is what she thinks? Of course, I really don't know, I am just taking a wild guess.

 

The flip side of that may be that she is just trying to be friends with you. Personally, I never get back together with ex's (that's just me, again) because it never seemed to work out for me. So if she is just trying to be friends, and now suddenly the rumor is she's going to sleep with you at this party... she thinks she is sending the wrong signal.

 

Personally, I would recommend stop talking to friends about your private relationship issues. It's none of their business, and it often will come back around and cause problems.

[SuperDuper]

Thanks for your post,

But it's not really like how you said it, the only person that told me 'anything' about what she said, is a very good mutual friend of both of ours (female), and she wouldn't lie, and she didn't tell me, she told her boyfriend, who happens to be my best friend. So it's gone through 3 people in total that would have no reason to share it to anyone else.

 

I took some time to think, and didn't really worry about it too much after school, and then she suddenly IM'ed me again an hour ago or so. She's the type of girl that can send signals like these, without even knowing, she probably didn't even realize, because she was talking to me like she usually does. So it seems okay, I will see what the weekend, brings.. and I'm not expecting sex, I don't know what to expect.

 

Thanks, again.

[PocoDiablo]

I'd be interested to hear how this turns out, so please do update us.

 

I personally think actions speak louder than words. What is she doing? Is she coming over to hang out from time to time? Is she making herself availale to be with you? Stuff like that? I mean, I know it's early at this point, but I am just talking about in the future. Unless she is spending face time with you, then it might just be a friend thing.

 

People who are interested in each other spend time together.

[SuperDuper]

Well since we're not officially together we haven't hung out through the week yet, although we used to when we dated before. But so far we've hung out last weekend and we're both looking forward to my house this weekend, and I think i'll just see how things go then, and see how/if it changes my perspective on the situation.