Need advice with relationship BALANCE

[Skippy]

Hi all,

I know this question is lame compared to all the other postings but i need this answered.

I have been in relationships in the past where i have lost myself in the relationship. I am kinda in a new relationship and have been told that i need to balannce myself and have my own life.

 

i know it is hard.. but i dont know how to.... when i am in a relationship with a person i want to be with the person.... i dont mean that the person is attached to my hip but yes my life does revolve around the person somewhat. Now, i am being told that i need to have a life of my own and well be in a relationship and i am finding it hard to do... to be honest i dont know where to start, and i do have a hard time understanding it. I am able to have a life and be with a person but aybe i am too suffocating. i dont think i am but maybe someone out there can give me an example on what is BALANCED.

 

Another question is this, i have been in relationship for 3.5 yrs but my gf has come out of a relationship that has been 6 yrs (about 4 yrs back). Obviously, the skeletons that come out are different between a 3 yrs and 6.5 yrs relationship. Does a breakup from a longer relationship make you want to be more independent and also what you new partner to be more independent thus protecting yourselves from hurt?

 

Some input will really help! Thanks all.

Skippy

[xmrth]

This is actually what I need to do, too, is balance my relationship with my own life.

You don't need to cancel on the person you're dating to do that, but just find things to fill the time you are apart, and sometimes they may be available whne you're busy, and that's what shows them that you have a life of your own and that they know you aren't suffocating them. It doesn't really work if you just tell them you've gone out and whatnot. I've tried doing that and it's not as fulfilling as actually being out and doing things.

It doesn't have to be with other people all the time, either... it could just be time you have with yourself doing a hobby, but I'd say being out with other people is better to try to accomplish because it's always good to have friends.

[Skippy]

xmrth...

thanks for the reply, i feel fustrated and to be honest lost... i am very socialible person.. i have the ablitiy to have conersations with most people i meet.. it is just when i meet that someone i just want to have to person in my life.. simple.... i still have friends... i suppose she is frightened that she will hurt me if she breaks up with me cos i up" myself to be with her?? To be honest i know she likes me... i know i like her.. i can say 3 months from today if everything remains the same i will still like her... but she cant say that.... and i dont really understand...