Advice needed... rebuilding with the ex...

[Jjasonn28]

Hi guys.

 

Heres the deal. She broke up with me two weeks ago. Not an abbrasive relationship, (I dont think we EVER raised our voices at eachother.) Emotional and Phsyical Distance took its tool on both of us. Apparently long distance relationships are known for this?!!

 

I did NC for a week, and that didnt work, because she called and emailed daily. And quite honestly, when I did answer her MSN messages, I was overwhelmed with excitement. I do love her. Without doubt.

 

So at dinner last night, we talked. About everything. I know we arent officially back together, nor are we making ourselves available to other people. She wants to keep the lines of communication open, and continue to see eachother. She also wants to make an effort to try to not only be a part of eachothers lives, but include one another more. I mean, not just talking for the sake of talking, but involving one another in the happenings of our lives. She wants to celebrate her birthday with me... She wants to come see me play hockey... I suggested that we read the same book, and discuss... and she likes the idea.

 

She realizes she has some issues, and I realize the same for myself. She proposes seeking proffesional council individually, and then together. I also proposed the idea of opening up, and attending church with her. This is a huge step for me. HUGE. But I am willing, because I WANT to be involved. I want to be more open. If its important to her, the least I can do is approach it with an open mind.

 

Like I said earlier, we are not officially back together, and after giving it much thought, I really wouldn't want to jump back into things without caution. But I can see this as a positive step right? I mean, we have agreed to put in an effort. Its all I can ask.

 

So what is the best way to approach the coming weeks. I will most likely only see her once a week, and generally we will talk once a day. Any suggestions or ideas for activities that would help bring us closer together? How would you approach the meetings, and conversations? I know I am not going to be too needy for affection, but is flirting a bad idea?

 

I want to do this right.

[Dregnought]

So why did you break up for exactly? because you 2 couldnt handle the distance? if anything, you 2 are handleing it extremely well. As for handling it right.. just stay in touch, no more NC, and defently keep interested.

[Jjasonn28]

Her reason for breaking up for me is that she doesn't feel the same she did before she moved to go to school. We both sensed a void, but being passive people, avoided it and unfortunately grew apart because of it. We do love eachother, I know this. I dont think its too late to rebuild, but she is a little more doubtful. This is why Im thankful that she is willing to put an effort to 'try to get to know eachother' all over again.

 

Im positive that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. No one has ever made me happier, even in the sadness of being without her, and growing apart from her, I am certain that we CAN be completely happy together again.

When we were together, we just 'fit'.

[Dregnought]

Sounds like my girl, the second paragraph anyway. I think what she did wasnot a smart move on her part - of couse she is going ot feel different, it would of taken her some time to get used ot it. However, now that she is happy with you , you need to reassurre her that this relationship will work, if it is to succeed. Talk whenever you can, sound interested, thats it really.

 

Best of luck!

[Jjasonn28]

Well, thats the thing.. She isn't completely happy. Hence our situation. She wants to be, but is unsure if it will or can be the same or better than before. She has reservations. And I understand. Im trying not to expect anything. Take it a day at a time... and I dont just want to 'sound' interested, I want to be involved because I am interested..

[Dregnought]

it wont be the same, you 2 have to build up from now, you have no choice.

[heloladies21]

The way this is happening, it's not going to work out. You're going to give her the emotional support until she decides to drop you for good. I know there's nothing you can do to stop it though, we've all been there. Just do whatever you feel is right in your heart. It's all you can do at this point.