my girlfriend just sent me an email saying she wants to be friends...

[themysteriousone]

we met at a university as part of a summer school. we started as friends but by the end of the evening(there was a disco on a boat trip and we spent the whole time together) she had asked me out. tomorrow will be 4 months since that day and almost that long since i've seen her. we're meeting up on saturday so thats why she told me now(so i didnt have to find out "the hard way"). shes bringing her friend and her friends mum(she said both her and her friend have protective parents). we're alot alike. i really like her and thought she felt the same. i don't know what to think anymore or what i should do. any help is appreciated.

[Bethany]

If I were you, I wouldn't go. Ask her to meet up with you if you feel the need but arrange it so you can talk in private. And if she can't do that for you, walk away now. She obviously doesn't feel the same so why go and put yourself through all that with her mate and her mum hanging around?

[themysteriousone]

i already said i'd go so i need other advice. and she was the one who asked me out so you can understand why im confused.

[beanpaper]

She dumped you, man. Don't go.

[themysteriousone]

its too late for me not to go now. so i need help with how i can show her that maybe we shouldn't "just be friends".

[beanpaper]

Well, did she give any reason for saying she wanted to just be friends?

[themysteriousone]

she wrote: "I just want to let you know now so you dont have to find out the hard way: I'm not really interested in having a relationship at the moment. I hope you dont take that to mean that I hate you or anything, but I just dont want to have a boyfriend right now."

 

also she said her and her friends have very protective parents.

 

dose that answer your question?

[beanpaper]

I suppose. She really didn't give a reason for changing her mind, did she? That makes it kind of rough to decide what to do to try to change her mind, ya know?

 

It seems to me that if a girl really wants to be with you, she will no matter what. I'd say, just try to be really fun and interesting and make her see that you're quite a catch and she will be missing out by declining to have a relationship with you. Try to avoid talking about the relationship unless she shows strong signals that she's having second thoughts. Whatever you do, don't act clingy or desperate, just try to have a good time.

[themysteriousone]

thats the kind of advice i was looking for thanks. its just that i was also wondering if it was coz i said about it being cliche in films (when i spoke to her on the phonethe night before last) a guy and girl can't only be friends. it was where i was talking about the film sky high as it was the last film i saw, i said the girl who ends up with the "hero" reminded me of her and i also said if shes the girl then does that make me the "hero"? and before you say "thats a bad thing to say to your girlfriend" i already realised that but i wasnt really thinking.

[beanpaper]

So.. was she really officially your girlfriend the past months?

[themysteriousone]

well she did say right near the beginning after we returned home after the week at university something close to "but we're not proper bf and gf are we? with you living so far away" and i said "well i know other people who have relationships with people much further away".

[beanpaper]

I guess she never considered herself your "girlfriend". Oh well, my advice a few posts up still stands.

[themysteriousone]

i appreciate it anyway. what should i say if she mentions our relationship? plus i'll say bout how it went when i get back tomorrow night.

[themysteriousone]

i followed you advice exactly and i think it went rather well(especially with how bad it could of gone).

[beanpaper]

I'm glad to hear that things went well! It's always nice to hear updates!

[themysteriousone]

i've been abit busy so i havent spoke to her or emailed her since then. any suggestions on what i should say? as i normally say the wrong things and messing it up with girls. i sent her a poem and she said it was sweet so i thought that this relationship would last despite me accidentally doing/saying something that seems right at the time but i realise is stupid and making her feel uncomfortable or something.