lack of sex is ruining everything!

[quirkyturkey]

Both my bf and I are having problems with our sexual health, and it is ruining what could be a great relationship if only we could get it right! we are both in our mid twenties.

 

The first time we were together was the first time I was with a guy in a few years. We started fooling around on our second date but were unable to have sex because I couldn't get wet enough. But he kept trying by rubbing my clitoris until I told him to stop because I was getting frustrated because nothing was happening. but he would've kept it up for hours he told me because he liked me.

 

The second time we were together he couldn't keep an erection and I found out this was a "problem" he has had for awhile (not sure how long) all i know is that he used to do a lot of drugs and he also told me his last girlfriend told him he had a tiny penis (it is average 6 in is average, right?) and told him to get some viagra, and he was hurt by that. so I told him, if you want to do something about it, then get a prescription, i just want what you want either way, but he says he's too embarrassed because of his young age.

 

well we are now 4 months into our relationship, and we have had intercourse 3 times for a total of probably two minutes! I get turned on but i get dry too soon and he can't keep his penis erect.and he thinks he has to make me come before we have sex by giving me oral sex or by masturbating me, but I never orgasm! I am starting to think that i won't have an orgasm. I explained to him that sex can still feel good to me without an orgasm but he is obsessed with giving me one.

 

the last time we "tried" and failed he was really upset and said all these bad things about himself, and I was just trying to be supportive by saying "I just like being with you, no matter what we do" but I think he's really getting discouraged. then he finally disclosed to me that part of it is performance anxiety, he wants to impress me, and it bugs him that he can't make me come. but he also said that if he were back on drugs he thinks he could do it because he would feel more "normal". and I know that I am the only one he has ever been with sober. then he told me "you think I don't want a relationship, but I do, it's just that I can't do it, i'm not real, i'm not normal". Now I am just concerned and depressed because I don't know what to do!

 

we started doing this thing where he masturbates for me and then he penetrates me afterwards (because when I masturbate him it doesn't work as well, and when i give him oral sex he doesn't come) . well the last time we had sex it was about 45 seconds long and the next day I got symptoms of a UTI, was diagnosed and am getting treatment right now! but then now I'm wondering, could my lack of lubrication and the UTI be related, since I could be dehydrated?

 

so I think we have a twisted psycological and physical problem in our relationship...help!!! it's just that nothing is working out! I don't want to try another sex partner, but he has been telling me I should go find someone who can make me happy(with sex). but really I don't know if I am even able to be with anyone else because of my problem (or if it's just that we aren't compatable) I have no desire to be with anyone else right now so it really hurts having to go through all this.

[Serendipity1607307077]

Everyone has problems with their sex life! I have my problems too... it's not even my problem - it's my bf's! He comes too quickly.. very annoying.. hehe

 

ANYWAY! I think you are both to the point where you are scared about your performance and this isn't helping when you decide you want sex. It's meant to be fun and experimental, just let yourselves go!

 

Use lubrication - it's nothing to be ashamed about - just make sure it's a water based one.

 

I would suggest he goes on Viagra for now, drugs and alcohol do reduce sex drive and all that sort of thing.

 

Make sure he is getting plenty of exercise too, as this increases sex drive and stamina.

 

Your boyfriend shouldn't be ashamed to talk to his doctor about this problem - ED and simliar medical problems are so common nowadays and there are plenty of treatments out there for people who seek it.

[quirkyturkey]

I wish I could just convince him to take it, but if he doesn't want to then I won't push it. the reason i told him I didn't care if he went on Viagra or not is because I don't want him to be ashamed, especially since his last girlfriend told him he had an inferior penis and to go on Viagra, if I said, yeah hon, you need that, I would be validating the inferiority in his eyes. I know it's rediculous, being the age we are, I am even too embarrassed to talk to my doc about some things, like i didn't tell the doc I went to for the UTI that I was having sexual problems....

[passions1]

Viagra may or may not be the answer for him. Erectile dysfunction doesn't just come with old age, but it could be secondary to other medical conditions such as depression, any psychological, diabetes & so forth since the blood vessels & nerves are involved for an erection. So he would need to seek medical attention like you said.

 

As for the UTI, it's very common b/c of sex for females. To prevent that would be to urinate after sex. That way you're physically moving out the bacteria that is exchanged during sex. Also what might help is to drink non-sweetened cranberry juice in the meantime b/c of the acidity level in it.

[Serendipity1607307077]

I know... but remember that doctors have seen it all before..

A few weeks ago I was getting another kidney infection so I went to the doctor, and he told me I should stop having vigorous sex... well I didn't quite know what to say! He was so open about it, he even went into the minor detail.. I think I started backing out of the room slowly!!!

 

I know it would hurt him, but if he wants to please you and you want to please him, something needs to be done about it!!

 

If he isn't confident to talk to his doctor about it yet, just get him to do regular exercise - makes all the difference! I have a nerd boyfriend who plays computer games all day and even convinced me to do the same, and after starting exercise again it made a world of difference.

[quirkyturkey]

yes, the doctor did tell me to urinate before and after sex and to drink water before and after. I was just wondering if lack of lubrication could be due to dehydration, which could also be another factor causing the UTI. I never had these problems before him.

 

I forgot to tell you, we have tried lube. the lack of spontaniety just kills it though, and then if I have to add drinking water, peeing, having sex, getting up to pee again and drink more water....I am not against any of these suggestions, i just don't understand how people stay in the mood. i wish we could do that.

[Serendipity1607307077]

Yeah I know, it's a bit silly hey..

 

I was given the same suggestion too - peeing before and after and all that.. it's close to being embarrassing..

 

It has to do with a lot of factors - including of course the time of the month, hormonal imbalances and the like. Are you on the pill? It should regulate your hormone levels and that sort of thing too.

 

Have you tried having sex in different rooms? Or outside even? Sometimes the thrill of things like that can make things more fun and interesting...Try dirty talk as well - all the stuff that men like to hear (remember he may be anxious from his last gf telling him how small he was!).

 

Try lingerie and all that stuff.. my bf is 23 and he can be a bit like an old man sometimes - just doesn't feel up to it.. but if I parade around in a cheeky outfit I am always guaranteed to get lucky.

 

Another thing - is your bf on anti-depressants or any other medication? Quite often this has an affect on winkys!

[PavPPZ1]

ouch, sounds like you guys need to get more creative about sex. From what I see there is just not enough sex drive on both your parts. The best way to remedy this is to be creative and make it into fun games. Iremember in college my gf and I would play games, and by the end of the game both of us would be naked, and then it goes from there.. just think of cool stuff and it should help...

 

GL

[Serendipity1607307077]

I think pillow fights are fun and sexy too... hehe

[ScreenagerX]

Try lingerie and all that stuff.. my bf is 23 and he can be a bit like an old man sometimes - just doesn't feel up to it.. but if I parade around in a cheeky outfit I am always guaranteed to get lucky.

 

Would you mind talking to my wife for me. I have the opposite problem

[Tigris]

I think your lack of lubrication is due to being nervous and suffering from anxiety. I suggest you use KY Jelly.

 

Explain to your boyfriend that 6" is good! It's the quality that counts not the quantity that's banging away at you!

 

I agree he seems to have an erection problem. This could be caused by the drugs he's taken in the past, the psychological effect that has been triggered off by his previous girlfriend and the fact he's suffering from anxiety because he's not making you orgasm.

 

You say he doesn't cum when you do oral? The truth is that not all men do! They have a way of controlling themselves.

 

Are there any Herbalist shops near you? In England there's a shop called 'Holland & Barrett'. They sell a product called 'Horny Goat Weed'. It helps with the sex drive!

 

Where are you having sex? Is that causing some of the anxiety? You need to be in an environment where the two of you can feel relaxed. Try going away for the weekend. Somewhere romantic. See if that makes a difference.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Tigris]

I think your lack of lubrication is due to being nervous and suffering from anxiety. I suggest you use KY Jelly.

 

Explain to your boyfriend that 6" is good! It's the quality that counts not the quantity that's banging away at you!

 

I agree he seems to have an erection problem. This could be caused by the drugs he's taken in the past, the psychological effect that has been triggered off by his previous girlfriend and the fact he's suffering from anxiety because he's not making you orgasm.

 

You say he doesn't cum when you do oral? The truth is that not all men do! They have a way of controlling themselves.

 

Are there any Herbalist shops near you? In England there's a shop called 'Holland & Barrett'. They sell a product called 'Horny Goat Weed'. It helps with the sex drive!

 

Where are you having sex? Is that causing some of the anxiety? You need to be in an environment where the two of you can feel relaxed. Try going away for the weekend. Somewhere romantic. See if that makes a difference.

 

Good luck and take care.

[quirkyturkey]

I think going away is a great idea. I am not sure if I can do that right now. we usually do it in bed. we both get excited in situations where we are "not supposed to" fool around, like while driving or if someone is in the room with us and leaves for a minute. he gets hot, but he can't actually go through with it because he's too shy. he won't even have sex if there are other people in the house because he gets nervous. so all those thrill seeking ideas go out the window, even though he likes the idea.

 

Well at the moment, i'm still trying to figure out if we are even together anymore, because he hasn't returned my calls and I haven't seen or heard from him in over a week.

 

I was going to try a female remedy they sell at drustores here (can't remember the name) I bought some cute lingerie, but then I got another infection! now I have to see a doctor again....nothing is working out grrrr.

 

I agree with you that if I were to come he would probably start to come around better. I will try to find the horny goat weed. I will try anything at this point!!

 

I have had some time to think about it, and I think it must be msotly a psycological prob for him because how come he can stay hard when masturbating for me and orgasm, he usually loses it when he tries to enter me. I think we need to have a good talk. just haven't figured out what to say. Thanks for replying

[Serendipity1607307077]

Not a prob - hope we provided you with some good advice!

 

That horny goat weed sounds good but I'd be afraid I would start frothing at the mouth and I think my bf would die! haha

[quirkyturkey]

yes I looked into that goat weed. They have it at the drugstores here to. and if we talk again (he has finally contacted me but we haven't talked yet) I will ask him if he wants to try it. now one web ad I saw said women can take it too, and others say it's a man's product. well I will experiment with it if he's willing and you you guys a full report. LOL. I bought some warming lubricant, anybody know if it's any good? I have been looking at sex products as well, but some of them seem to be a rip off, like oral sex candy, why couldn't I just use an Altoid or something and save 8 bucks? well anyways. I thought I was dumped, it's looks like he's wanting to talk, don't know if we are still dating or what. I just bought lingerie too, so i guess if not I use it on the next one! bye for now.