Pleeeeease help. Dying. What to do?

[goghan]

I went out with my ex gf for 10 months, but I always pushed her away by calling her mean names, never calling her, never emailing her, etc. Over the summer, she left for 2 months, and she realized it was easier without me. Exactly a month ago, we finally hooked up when she was drunk, after not talking for a month and a half. We talked the next day, and hugged a lot. Since then, we've hung out a couple times, and we've always hugged. Last week, I let out all my feelings how I want her back. She said she never felt close to me, and she didn't feel that we connected. I was her first bf, so she wants to experience new guys, and she doesn't think we'll work out. However, she said when she's with me, she wants me. When I'm not hanging out with her, she feels that she doesn't need me. She feels guilty for hugging and kissing me because we won't get back together, but she says she can't help it when she's with me. We've kissed a couple times now. But she never calls me, IM's me, or emails me anymore. Now, she seems to be ignoring me. Today, I went to her room, and she kicked me out because she couldn't study with me in the room. We used to always study together. Any hope? What is going on? What should I do?

[butterflycloud]

what was your motivation for calling her bad names and being mean to her?

[Dregnought]

easy. you treated her like dirt and i dont blame her one bit for acting the way she is.

but i agree, why were you just a jerk in the first place?

[chai714]

Goghan,

Withdraw from her for the time being. Her defenses are up, because she knows that you want something from her, that she does not want right now. Also, take note that you should never tell someone how you feel about them. When you told her your feelings, it put some pressure on her because she was expected to reciprocate. Well, that didn't happen, you became hurt and became even more needy.

 

Let's look at some of the basics of attraction. First, we tend to go for those who sastisfy our emotional needs, exhibit some degree of aloofness emotional independence, as human nature says - people want what can't have. This is sort of a calculated dance that one performs in order to raise another person's interest level. You give some emotional fulfillment, watch her reaction, then back off some to help her value that emotional high you just gave her.

 

If you have been abusive toward her, I suggest you fix yourself before trying to use any tactics though. You can do this by working on your self-esteem, because people with high self-esteem don't feel the need to negatively control other people's lives. Good luck.

[goghan]

i was insecure and pushed her away