Am I holding on to nothing? Is it over? Can u offer advise?

[cakes1979]

I have been with this guy for over a year now. I jumped into the relationship right at the end of a 6 year relationship with a different guy. I met him at work, he was my boss at the time. The first 5 months were fantastic. We had so much fun and got along great. He would say the most wonderful things to me ~ "I love you more than anything" "You are my wife" "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" ~ All the things he was saying I was feeling as well. But then things changed. I got a new job, which I really love. He is stuck in a job he hates and works about 80 hours a week. Anyway, he stopped saying those great things to me. When we were together he would make excused about not having sex, which started with him farting, his stomach always hurt, etc. I totally took it as a rejection and started questioning him about it. I think I have started coming accross as needy, and I don't think I'm a needy person. He has been pushing me away for quite a while and I don't know what to do to stop it. On Wed. he said to me "Get Naked" so I did thinking that we would get it on. He looked at me for about 30 seconds and then turned and watched TV until there was a commerical!!! Then he came to touch me and I got up to use the bathroom. When I came back he was watching TV again ~ again I was totally naked. I said to him, "Do you even want me?" And he immediately said I think we need to take a break. I agreed, I tried to talk to him about things, but it was like talking to a brick wall, he just didn't get it. So I got dressed and went home. What do I do now??? I really do love him but I don't want to be with someone who takes me for granted. Does a "break" mean we are broken up or just taking time apart? I feel like my heart has been broken.

[thoughts]

i understand you have strong feelings for this guy - but, he doesn't respect you. GET NAKED!!?? granted my man and i say things like that to eachother, but it sounds like if he said jump you would. not cool. get your self-respect back. as cliche as it sounds, if you and this guy are meant to be, then you can walk away and he will pursue you again. you said you love your job, then focus on that. go to the gym - do something for you. i don't think anything of jumping into a relationship right after another ended - so is life. what happened with that guy? that's a long time to break up after. you are a gem and should be treated as such - i lose sight of that myself sometimes, but i will tell you this - as soon as i have noticed i am becoming "that girl" i tell my man i think i need some time to myself because i don't like how i am acting. as soon as i put it out there, i regain my self confidence, he assures me he loves me and start to eat healthy and exercise. if you don't love you...no one will!

[cakes1979]

Thank you. I feel like you understand what I am saying. And you are right, he doesn't repect me. But for some reason I don't want to loose him. Our relationship has become all about him, doing what he wants, when he is available and I bend over backwards for him. I don't want to be "that girl." I am trying to take this time to concentrate on myself and I know not to call him. I have lost self-respest and allow him to treat me however he feels for that day.

As for the guy I was with for 6 years. We met in college and lived together for 4 years. I was really in love with him for the first 3 years, then that faded for me. He was my bestfriend but I wasn't attracted to him, thinking about sex with him made me sick to my stomach. I knew I didn't/couldn't be with someone I wasn't totally in love with.

[RayKay]

He was my bestfriend but I wasn't attracted to him, thinking about sex with him made me sick to my stomach. I knew I didn't/couldn't be with someone I wasn't totally in love with.

 

 

So on that same note and knowing that, would you want to be with someone whom was not in love with YOU.

 

This guy sure is not by the sounds of it. I think those early proclamations sounded more out of lust, and built up expectations then love.

 

A break in my books means you are broken up...plain and simple. It is very different then taking some space and still working through things, counselling, whatever, a break like this is not working on anything.

 

Walk away from this.

 

I had also heard the book "It's called a break-up because it's broken" is a good fun read, might help you laugh, heal and move on all at the same time.

[cakes1979]

It's hard because when I have talked to him about it in the past, he insists that he is very much in love with me...but his actions don't show that.

Obviously I don't want to be with someone who is not in love with me, but at one point it was not something that I even questioned.

Do you think there is any hope for things to change and have a better future, or a future at all?

[cakes1979]

OK, well he just sent me an e-mail. I'm not sure what to make of it, how or IF I should respond. What do you think?

 

"I know you think all of this is easy for me, but it's not and I hurt as much as you; I still love you as much as I ever did.

Anyway, hope you have a good day and I'll talk to you soon."

 

DO I take this as him stilling wating me? I know I shouldn't hold on to someone that is not giving me what I need...but it's so hard to walk away. Again, his words try to convince me one way, but his actions don't follow. Plus I have no idea what's going on in his head to know. My heart is officially broken

[sukerbut]

RUN AWAY as fast as you can..i have used that line .. and believe me it was out of pitty and guilt for my partner