How do you trust again?

[SDgirl1234]

So I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. He absolutely broke my heart! Small things like not being able to agree on certain things, but the biggest thing is that he let another girl come between us! and he had lied to me about being with her (hanging out.. he claims they never hooked up, but how do i know?) and the lying thing really tore my heart into pieces. I want to think that this isnt the end for us, and that we'll get back together... but i wont do it unless i see change and effort on his part. He's lost my trust... and he knows it, and I never thought you could still love someone if you didnt trust them? I'm really confused and am a rollercoaster of emotions.. i'll hate him one day, miss him another, and cry another. I dont know how to move on but to trust him and trust that he's trying to change (he wants to get back together sometime) but i dont know how im suppose to believe what he's saying!

 

he told me today that he talked to this girl (jeanette) that came inbetween us and in the end broke us up... and told her that he couldnt hang out with her outside of school and talk as much. i asked him what they said to each other (and u know how she felt) and he was really short with me! and from someone who says they want my trust back... single word responses isnt helping. i know they talked for over an hour but all he told me is that he said "we cant hang out anymore bc losing my gf and bestfriend isnt worth it" and apparently all she said was that "i understand, i'm bummed though but understand"... and i dont understand how u talk about just that for over an hour! i just dont know if im suppose to trust him with his short answers. and i asked him if he could send me their convo (they talked online) and he said no... i can understand that it might be personal, but he says he's trying to get me back, and if thats really all they said.. then what is there to hide? u know.. he should do it willingly and prove me wrong right? i dont know... i just cant trust his words, but i want to.. bc i still love him. i just dont think what he had done to me was right..

 

anyone have advice? or words of wisdom for coping with this... and how i should go about earning his trust? i know seeing is believing but we dont live in the same town.. and the only way i can see something to believe is this conversation that he doesnt want to show me...

 

ps: it has also come to my attention that this is now the 2nd time they've been sick together.. the first time was over a month ago (when he was secretly hanging out with her) and they're both sick again.. and i know that they hung out last thursday. is it a coincidence? or something more.. he said coincidence.. but again, i dont know what to believe!

 

HELP.. im so confused and hurt.. i'd appreciate anything u guys would have to say.. thanks

[annie24]

anyone have advice? or words of wisdom for coping with this... and how i should go about earning his trust?

 

I think that he should be trying to earn your trust.

 

I'm sorry to hear about this - I remember your previous posts. Honestly, I have to tell you that you should trust your gut instinct. Your gut is saying that there wasn't something entirely right with the relationship him and that girl had. And it's also saying that your now ex is being too strangely short with his answers.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would try to step back a little, like the previous poster said. When you do talk to this guy again, suggest maybe meeting for the weekend, so you two can have a long chat, reconnect. You know - speak from your heart to him. Like, you want to try to reconcile, but you don't fully trust him, and you can't have a relationship without trust.

 

How often did you two see each other?

 

(BIG HUG!!!) It's going to be ok, one way or the other. I think you did the right thing and time will tell how things turn out.

 

Take care!

[SDgirl1234]

when we were together we'd try to see each other every weekend.. but i guess somehow he still managed to lie and have no guilt. i appreciate both of your advice... its just hard u know! i've never been so confused and depressed. i thought HE loved me more than that u know?

 

and its really frusterating bc he wont send me that conversation... it lets me know that he's hiding something and still isnt being truthful.

 

i understand that HE should be trying to earn my trust... i guess its hard for me to admit it to myself that even though he says he wants to and he's trying, hes not, and maybe things were never meant to be.. it sucks when u think u know someone and u really dont u know? im just absolutely crushed

[annie24]

I'm so sorry - I know - this is a painful thing to go through - to have known someone for so long, but you don't really know them.

 

All I have to say is that you should really trust yourself and your gut. If you feel that something fishy is going on, then go with that gut feeling! Our instincts are here to protect us.

 

I think if he starts making a real effort to try to reestablish trust and a connection with you, hear him out. But, yeah, right now, the whole thing with this other girl smells a bit fishy to me also....