Is this normal?

[maryale]

Is it okay if I keep daydreaming with a boy who isn't my boyfriend? I keep DAYdreaming with him, and I'm not talking about stupid daydreams. I do this boy in my daydreams and I really prefer doing it with him rather than with my boyfriend. Besides, in real life me and this boy have this really heat up friendship. It's kinda obvious he wants to do me in real life and hey if I didn't have a boyfriend, I'd probably do him too. Is this normal or what?

[cichlid]

Lust...just figure out if it is worth hurting your relationship over. I don't think it is a good idea to dwell on these thoughts since if your BF knew he would probably be very hurt.

[FATKID]

If I had serious thoughts of being with someone else, I would try to re-evalute the relationship I was in.

 

It might be a sign that your needs/wants are not being fulfilled.

 

Under ANY circumstances, break up with your current BF before you try anything with this fella. Cheating on someone is the worst thing you could do to them in a relationship.

[Bigbilly]

Alright, well ...how old are you? You sound young. If you're going to do stuff with this new guy, have the decency to at least break up with your current boyfriend so he can move on.

 

It would be best for him in the long run, and it sounds to me like you've never had a boyfriend dump you for another girl? Do what you gotta do, just spare your current bf any more indignity.

[cichlid]

If I had serious thoughts of being with someone else, I would try to re-evalute the relationship I was in.

She wants to "do" him...not necessarily get together with him. She has also suggested that she has a heated up friendship with this guy. This is a huge cheating risk to the relationship she is currently in if she even wants to stay in it.

[PavPPZ1]

You are young, do what ever you want, the only to learn in life is to break things and fix them, might as well try it now... I say cheat... eventhough its a terrible thing its a good lesson in life. Dont kill me people

[PavPPZ1]

Alright, Since I have already made this reply, I will preemptively devend my point and develop on it further.

 

Here is the basic reality of this situation:

 

Regardless of what may or may not happen the reality is such: This girl is young, she is just starting to get a taste of life, as it is out in the real world. I am guessing she is 14- 15, I hope not younger. Then parents should really be stepping in and my advice should not even be for her eyes.

 

Regardless, the reason I say she should cheat is this: She stands to lose nothing, and everyone involved only stands to gain something from it. I dont like to deal with ideas, theories, concepts, or hypotheticals. In actuality maybe 5 years from now, this girl will not be in here asking us for this advice she will have already cheated and moved on, and this will not have phased her. There is nothing wrong iwth that this is the reality of life. Some people cheat some people have morals some people dont some people care some people dont. People get hurt people suffer people learn and peopel move on.

 

I am looking shearly at the benefiting factors for this girl, who by doing this will gain a few things right away. If she will go through with this she will see what deciept is like when you use it against someone close such as yoru significant other. If things go wrong, which hopefully they will, she will be in a conflict, she will be forced to think her boyfriend will be hurt she will be hurt. It is giogn to create some kind of a small disaster, and everyone involved will have to learn something and come awaywith something learned. I will add that in reality as far as I am conserned this girl has already cheated on her boyfriend without going forward and performing the actual act which will be the actual "cheating" The main thing is why not go all the way and actually learn something from this. That is what life is, you dont know not to touch fire until you actually get burned by its heat. Anyways, this is where I stand on this. I hope again that this girl is not too young, because then Its not up to us to be giving her advice on this in the first place.

 

Lastly, on the most important aspects:

 

To the girl:

 

You seem to be already sexually active:

 

If you plan on having sex or doing these acts you must use protection

condom/ abstinence do not put your self at risk at such a young age for early pregnancy or disease, this is perhaps the worst thing that could come out of it.

 

Other then That Good Luck,

let us know how it goes.

[FATKID]

You are young, do what ever you want, the only to learn in life is to break things and fix them, might as well try it now... I say cheat... eventhough its a terrible thing its a good lesson in life. Dont kill me people

 

Murder is wrong, but I don't need to kill someone without provocation in order to heed this as a lesson learned. Just what are you getting at?

[PavPPZ1]

I am sorry, but you have a highly incorrect interpolation of these two very different acts, Cheating and Murder the implications and consequences are completely different.

[FATKID]

I am sorry, but you have a highly incorrect interpolation of these two very different acts, Cheating and Murder the implications and consequences are completely different.

 

Very true. But my point still stands: people need not perform terrible acts in order to appreciate the value in abstaining from them.

 

Either you were misunderstanding me or, most likely, I wasn't conveying my point adequately.

 

Good day.

[FATKID]

An after thought:

 

Regardless, the reason I say she should cheat is this: She stands to lose nothing, and everyone involved only stands to gain something from it.

 

While I can appreciate what you are saying and even empathize with it to a certain degree, I would have to say that this advice is irresponsible for one very simple reason. You mention that she has nothing to lose and everyone involved has something to learn from the situation. To a certain extent, what you are saying is accurate. However, while she MAY have nothing to lose, the other person, namely the boyfriend, has a lot to lose. He has his girlfriend, first of all. Secondly, he may and probably will lose his ability to trust in the short term. Some people, unfortunately, never recover fully from something like this. And, if in fact she is young along with her counterpart, this can be crippling. We have no idea what kind of mental state these two (or three) people are in. This hypothetical act of her cheating could act as a catalyst for her boyfriend to engage in a downward spiral of depression, or worse.

 

I see what you are saying. Sometimes we have to face consequences in order to fully appreciate the seriousness of situations. And the analogy of burning one's self was an appropriate example of your point. However, that scenario differs from this one for one very stark aspect: she's not the only one who will be affected by her act.

 

If she burns her hand, she will be the only one hurt. If she cuts herself, only she will experience the pain. If she intentionally hurts her boyfriend by premeditating infidelity and acting upon it, she isn't the only one hurt or affected. Moreover, what you are suggesting is that she intentionally hurt someone for her benefit. She has no way of knowing how another individual will react to something simply because she is not that individual.

 

Intentionally hurting someone for your benefit is the most abhorrent thing I can think of.

 

If she has an inadequate appreciation for the cause and effect aspect of relationships, she should be urged to read some of the posts here from men and women who have betrayed. She shouldn't be tempted to add another casualty to the list. Then she can see how these people are really being affected. It isn't pretty.

 

She shouldn't have to hurt someone to learn that cheating is a thing that should be avoided and looked down upon. She has plenty of examples at her fingertips at this very site.

 

Good day.

[PavPPZ1]

I agree, and furthermore disagree.. I agree that morally this is an improper and a reprehensible act. From which her boyfriend stands to be emotionally hurt. Although I still stand on the notion that her boyfriend will gain from this perhaps more then anyone. Because Trusting people as much as it is a good thing it can very often be your greatest failure.

 

 

People by nature are evil, and will do harm onto others when the opportunity presents itself. Having blind trust in others is a very bad and potentially dangerous to an individual. The act of this girl cheating on this boy will in fact be the best thing that could happen to him. He will learn a very valuable lesson for the rest of his life. The fact that to say that this will have irreversable damage to either of the two of them is highly unjustified and highly not likely. The mind is a very complicated piece of flesh, which can not simply be damaged by whitnessing or interacting with something. In fact I believe that even murder is good for the mind. Although in that case I would never advocate killing someone, but I do think someone should have the ability within them to kill another if necessary, for the purpose of preservation. The same will apply here scaled down several degrees, but no less important in value. This girl will do something "morally bad" for the purpose of experimenting at a young age, and as I said if you explore phsychological research, you will also discover that any new interaction for a person will only expand their understanding of life. We as people learn by example and trial, this is not a secret. I do agree that people can learn from example, instead of personal actions, but reality teaches us taht most people dont learn from example and will not learn from example. thereforeeee infact she will be better off by actuallydoing it.

 

Again I see your points and morally they are very accurate, this will cause pain and discomfort for many. But in the bigger picture this will be a very highly valuable lesson for everyone involved.

 

 

Best regards,

paul

[FATKID]

Forgive me, but I think that you are assuming too much about the people involved in this situation. You have somehow gleaned from her singular post that this female is very young, most likely a teenager. You are assuming that this fellow NEEDS to be hurt in order to learn something and, ultimately, become a better person in the process. And lastly, you are also assuming that all parties in this case are intellectually inept to a point to where they have to actually perform despicable acts in order to appreciate the seriousness of them.

 

I am not trying to be forward here, but are you assuming these things because you find this situation familiar? I would hate to assume something like that, hence my question.

 

How you can come to these conclusions based on one vague post is beyond me. People react differently to different situations. Assuming that this guy will automatically benefit from being betrayed is a major leap of faith and, in my humble opinion, very irresponsible.

 

Your point has some merit, theoretically speaking. However, advocating a reprehensible act in order to "better" you and, most importantly, the people around you is just irresponsible. This is especially true when you consider that she doesn't know how this guy will be affected, let alone you.

 

Good day.