Should I just tell him to leave?

[santacruzen]

I am in my mid30s have been married to the same man for 11 years. We were highschool sweethearts. However, for the past six or seven months, he has made comments like he would rather live as a hermit than to live in society. Or he says he wants to move to a very small town in a far away place and just exist somehow. We have a little debt. I asked him if he were to leave does he realize that I would be stuck with the debt with no help and without hesitation, he said yes and that he doesn't care. However, he hasn't left yet and he is being extremely nice to me right now. The way I feel is I almost want him to just go ahead and leave so I don't have to worry anymore about when or if it is really going to happen. I know there is no infidelity going on, I think he just doesn't want to be married anymore and doesn't want to hang out with his friends. We have explored the possibility of him being very depressed but he refuses to go see a doctor or counselor about it. What should I do? Should I tell him to just leave? Should I leave? I just don't know.

[Beec]

It seems as if you are feeling insecure because of his comments. His actual leaving does not seem like it would help at all. The only thing it seems like it might do is end the tension and give you the worst outcome. You lose him, you end up having to bear all the debt, etc. So, maybe you can find a better outcome.

 

It's easy to dream about a life lived in isolation, waking up form your cabin in the woods, walking out with a bucket to the stream, breathing the fresh air, foraging for a living among the wild plant and animla life, etc. It's tougher to live it. Living through the winter on root vegatables and dried meat you smoked over fire and your own sweat in the hot summer, lugging the bucket of water in a frigid morning when you want to remain bundled in bed and crapping in a stinky outhouse.

 

Maybe, you sit down and dream the idyllic life, and then when he joins the reverie, you mention the reality. And maybe you also discuss the life you want to live together in the future and how to get to live it.