Moving forward?

[NotMyself]

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[the_dude007]

Here's my thought:

 

As you said in your post - "I'm giving you space." Continue doing that, by placing zero demands on the situation. Man, it sounds like you have what you want here - I'd just continue moving along as you have been.

 

Maybe play "copy cat" to her communications. She's going to need you to make some efforts too or else she is going to walk away again.

[rikki_tikki_tavi]

Having a discussion seems a good idea. I mean no offense, but she seems to be making assumptions of the status of your relationship, and it's important to have clarity if you want this to stablize and continue. You're right not to take this all too seriously - that's when people get confused and overreact - but I think it would be a mistake not to be very clear with one another where you are and where you want to go in terms of your relationship.

[Myrddin]

Two questions that need answering first:

 

1.) Do you want her back?

 

2.) What does she want from you?

 

The first question - well, only you know the answer to that one! If it's yes then it sounds like you are getting all the right signals from your ex.

 

Meet her. Ask her what she wants from you. You don't have to wear your heart on your sleeve to do that - play the ice-man til you're sure she's genuine. Then pretend to cave and watch the expression of relief on her face.

[nataliejulie]

I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!! \

 

I think she's finally letting you know that she's comfortable with you.

 

Take it easy and work with it. I think you should wait off on the conversation with her till you see her again. Maybe mention, "You told me you don't want space right now.. I'm just curious to what you DO want?"

[heloladies21]

Well nothing she's doing shows me that she wants anything more out of you than a friendship (to be an emotional crutch for her until she finds a new man). Then she will surely start going cold on you again, this time for good. Us guys have a bad tendency to misread signs, thinking a girl shows interest when there's nothing there.

 

You deserve to be clarified on the subject, if she wants to get back together with you or not. Don't hold back. Talk to her tonight and find out where she stands. Don't just sit back and wait and see what happens. She'll never make up her mind then.

[Ripples]

I disagree. That conversation must be done face to face. Any other medium will destroy the interaction.

 

I think she is sounding a little insecure with you being away. Be careful. Obviously she has feelings for you but equally she is mixed up and not sure what she wants. give her 60% of you if thing improve then give a bit more.

 

remain a challenge and mystical but at the same time be cool, friendly and a man. Even if nothing comes of it this time she will have taken note of who you really are. Above all else continue to communicate with her but be aloof. Without communication you have no future.

[NotMyself]

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[NotMyself]

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[Ripples]

This is what I think.

 

Become her best friend. Be happy, fun and lively. Show her good times. Continue to work on you - physically, professionally and emotionally.

 

Do not hold her to ransom. The all or nothing approach is not very sensible. Be aloof and let her come to you. If she wants any physical intimacy with you say "no" you dont want to get hurt again. Intimacy can only happen in a relationship. Keep being happy, fun and lively and let her come to you. Let her figure out. I guarentee she will, based on the interest she is showing you.

 

But stop giving her the opportunity to say "no" to any of your demands. Make yourself attractive in your actions not your demands.

[nataliejulie]

My dear friend, you should have seen my jaw drop when I read your post. Again.

 

All I have to say.... is do not expect a single single single thing from her. Keep your guard up and don't give in so easily. You are not a ragdoll and something to be played with. It's time to be chased.

[NotMyself]

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[the_dude007]

I believe she is taking it slow, gauging the situation, and trying her best to gingerly explore what could happen.

 

What happened between you two did in fact happen, she was hurt by your absense at that wedding, and needs to make sure in her own way that things won't fall part again

 

This is face value advice my man, and I'm going through my own disaster right now. But if your ex is making contact, and spending time with you, that's all you need to know.

 

Patience is key my man. She knows what you want, and STILL chooses to spend time and contact you. That says it all right there.

[heloladies21]

my ex's efforts to contact me this week and spend time with me, is her way of showing me she does want to work on things without explicitly saying it.

 

This simply cannot be assumed. In her mind, she hasn't agreed to anything and she is free to see other people as well as you with no strings attached. She feels free to leave you at any time and will explore other options with you as a security blanket.

 

She didn't have to work too hard to get you back giving her all that romantic stuff. You've set a trend that she can leave and still come back with minimal effort. She'll remember this the next time she gets confused and thinks about breaking up with you.

 

And nobody makes up their mind in 3-4 days, not enough time for what's happened. She's still confused and will give you hot/cold behavior. You let her know that you only want her in your life if she wants to work at a relationship again. You still need to get an answer out of her mouth.

[cb2000]

Shes getting something emotionally out of keeping you uncommited I have no idea what it might be maybe you do. Remove the preasure of commitment from the situation like everyone is saying.

 

I think that you should go back and reread all of your posts since you first came here. Listen to all of the things that you said and felt how you've changed and look at your situation from when you first posted till today. Take a look back and see how far you've come in a short time.

[NotMyself]

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[NotMyself]

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[NotMyself]

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[chaos]

I would just say to tread carefully. I would continue to plan your life without her until she says she wants to get back together. Even then I would proceed with caution. She ripped your heart out once...

 

I wish I was in your shoes, but it's only been two weeks for me. Even now though, I have to wonder if I could take her back. The pain that she's put me through is not something I'll ever forget and I would be scared that she could do it again.

 

Keep your guard up until you know for sure one way or the other.

 

Best of luck!

[Ripples]

I agree with chaos.

 

She needs to let you know what she wants from you. in the absense of that you are a free agent. If she asks where you are going, tell her you have a date. Be honest and make her think. She'll either disapear and never talk to you again (her problem) or she'll shift in to top gear rapidly and be all over you.

 

Just remember - you are single. Her words are all you have at the moment. You need actions not words.