Pleasing Your Partner

[Puddle]

How far are you willing to go to please your partner?

 

I'm basically talking about submitting to what your partner wants. If he wants you to make him a sandwhich, will you go make it? If he wants you to wear certain type of clothes, will you wear them? If he wants you to have sex with him, will you do it? Will you quit your job? Or stop seeing some of your friends? Etc.

 

I want to know how often you are willing to do these sort of things, if ever? Where do you draw the line? What is something he can't seriously ask (or expect) you to do? And what exactly is healthy behavior here? I've met people who'd do pretty much anything for their partner, and some who would never submit to anything just out of principle.

[HajiMaji]

well it depends. Sometimes people who love us know when they should step in and tell us we are sort of acting out of line. Or that maybe our job isnt fufilling our soul's like it could. In those cases I would trust my partner and think about what shes saying.

 

But if shes being petty and manipulative i wouldnt change. And i wouldnt keep her around much longer!

[jna35]

It sounds like you are talking about control and the various degrees of it. I will do what I can to make my husband happy within reason. I mean, I don't have a problem cooking for him, he does it for me too. If I am getting a drink, I always ask him if I can get him something and he does the same for me. As for letting him control every aspect of my life, down to the types of clothes I wear, to quit a job, and when we have sex, that's a BIG no. I wear what I like (although I value his input; he knows that I will wear what "I" like) and sex should be a mutual decision. I'd say I would draw the line if he expects me to give up who I am as an individual. Relationships are give and take, but I am not going to give up who I am for ANYONE.

[cinderelly]

i would do quite a bit for my partner if it makes him happy, but i think it should be mutual.

[darkblue]

I wouldn't do anything that they wouldn't do for me.

I'd also never give up things I feel strongly about due to their influence or disapproval.

 

I have my life and I'll live it how I want - if they can't take that. They know where to go.

 

A partner should be complimentary. They shouldn't have to ask you to do things.

[melrich]

If the request is not contrary to my values and is reasonable in its context then I'll pretty well do anything my partner would be likely to ask me to do, as she would for me.

 

I think while you are in a relationship it should be as close to unconditional as is feasible and within the confines of what I said above.

[Shadows Light]

submitting to what your partner wants

.

I hate the word SUBMIT. It denotes a subserviant tone. Dominence. There should not be an one upmanship in a relationship...

 

If he wants you to make him a sandwhich, will you go make it?

If he asks me nicely. lol. Please is always nice to hear. But I sure as heck better get reciprocity somewhere down the line... like the next time I want a snack.

 

If he wants you to wear certain type of clothes, will you wear them? I

Are we talking about everyday wear?? or are we talking lingerie?? I think I'd draw the line at everyday wear... my style is my style. Lingerie.. ok, I'll bite. I'll wear it within reason.

 

If he wants you to have sex with him, will you do it?

Sex is a mutual thing. If I'm up to it... yes. On command? Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you.

 

Will you quit your job?

Why would I quit my job? Did he just come into a huge pile of cash, win the lottery, find a windfall somewhere?

 

 

Or stop seeing some of your friends?

errrr.... exactly what is wrong with my firends? It'd better be a valid good reason. I think this one would be negotiable considering the circumstances.

 

Where do you draw the line?

Where I draw the line is where I start losing my sense of self. And where he crosses the line of respect.

 

What is something he can't seriously ask (or expect) you to do?

Anything illegal. My children are out of the equation. Switch religions...my beliefs are my beliefs. And as I said... he can ask all he wants and I'll draw my line in the sand.

[Puddle]

I was trying to find out if you ever do anything unselfish? If you make him a sandwhich it's not unselfish if you expect him to make you one next time. I'm talking about making the sandwhich (or whatever) only because you want to please him and that alone makes you happy.

[darkblue]

As long as you know he would do the same for you and you're not allowing him to be a dominance in the relationship.

 

You're happiness is just as important as his.

[Shadows Light]

Agree with DARKBLUE... as long as theres no dominance under the thumb thing going on.

 

But I think that you do a lot of little things for each other that arn't asked for. That would be unselfish.. unexpected things for each other. And yeah.. I"d do things for him within reason. I'll add the codicile here that yeah.. I"d expect reciprosity.. I've been this route, and when the scales are out of balance then... its human nature to start feeling a bit resentful and then NOT want to do for them anymore.