What to do now? She left but wants to continue with us

[eimono]

Hello all,

 

I'm sorry if this is long just have a lot on my mind.

 

Here is a little more background if you want the reading

link removed

 

Basically, my GF of 9 months moved out yesterday. She claimed that she needed a place of her own to feel secure since she moved with me we kept saying "maybe we shouldn't be together." And she would have to always worry about if she was going to have to leave today or not. As with most things, she makes them into something bigger then they needed to be.

 

In any event, I've begged her to stay and work on things. I asked her to go to counseling, both together and individually as we both have some past relationship issues. She said she would, but only after she left. I asked her to read book, everything to try to get us to stay together. She refused and left. I told her that I felt that this was an act of giving up or running from our problems. You see, I feel that too many people quit when the relationship gets hard. They run away hoping to find a Hollywood Mr/Ms Perfect happy ever after. Life is almost never that way, and I feel that you have to work hard for something good.

 

 

Then I think she lied to me too...

The night before she left, she got home at 2:15am. She had to close at work and would normally get home around 12-1. So I asked her if she had to work late. She said yes, and went on about how the manager made them stay. I asked her what time she clocked out, she said 1:45am. We live 1/4 mile away, takes 3 mins to get from her work to home. So I asked her why did you just get her at 2:15. She said, oh I went to Josh's birthday party for 5 minutes. I said there is a 30 minute difference there and he was supposed to be just accross the street. She said, well I don't know exactly what time I clocked out. Already worried about the truth, I asked her for her clock-out receipt for that night. She said, "oh, they had to do something different with the tips and I don't have one tonight." When she left in the morning to go get her new place, I looked and found a clock-out receipt. It said 1:15am. So when she got home I confronted her about it and she said that wasn't the "real" one. They just clocked her out to do her tips and then clocked her back in, and "they do that all the time."

 

I want to believe that so much, but it just doesn't seem right... I feel that she is lying to me here... Could this be true?

 

She has insisted on getting her own place. Every time we "talked" she always said "I'm moving." She didn't consider anything from what I can tell. Even though she told me the whole time we would talk and she would decide for sure.

 

 

Well as I said, she is gone. I'm heartbroken and feel as I've been lied to, that she has someone else. This new place would allow her to see someone and I would never know. Why would you move out and then continue to pretend to want to have a serious relationship? We were planning on moving into a house I just bought two weeks from now. And this happens...

 

I'm so hurt that I haven't really eat or slept in the last 5 days. Losing a lot of weight so that's a good think I guess... but I'm a total wreck. She then comes over today to get some more things and has the nerve to tell me that I'm the one who is breaking up with her. I try to talk to her right now but I'm just so hurt I can't say anything but how she has hurt me. She then just interrupts me and walks of saying It's all my fault. I haven't said that I want us over, just that I don't know what to do or feel about us right now.

 

I do love her so much, but I'm not sure I can be with someone who is going to run if things get difficult again. I know part of me wants to make her feel bad since she has hurt me, part of me just wants to be with her, and part of me is so afraid if I let her back into my life she will hurt me again.

 

Please, give me any advice on this.

[heloladies21]

If you're strong enough to do it, No Contact and let her come back to you. It will give you both a chance to calm down and decide what you really want.

 

But I suspect you might not be able to do it. In that case call her and tell her how you feel whenever you want to. Don't hold back. She won't come back to you, but it will make you want to go No Contact eventually anyways from all of the rejection.

[RandomAdvisor]

I can admire wanting to work out problems in a relationship instead of just leaving at the first sign of trouble, but honestly, you've been with this woman for less than a year. Maybe the two of you just aren't compatible.

 

And you're right to be suspicious of her. It's obvious that she lied to you. As to why and whether or not she has someone else...who knows?

 

I also agree that NC is the best option for the time being. Probably permanently as well.