growning some self esteem

[QTpie87]

How do you start to do that? Like if you are basically already outgoing with a few people you are close too, and you can stand up for yourself then but you still have trouble with certin people, and you worry about what people think, and weither what you are doing/saying is going to get you looked at in a funny way or not how do you fix that.

 

most of the time im ok, im just me, but it really depends on who im with. I need to learn how to keep my nervs under control and not worry about what others think, but it does matter to me, it matters a lot, i want people to like me for some odd reason.

 

does any one here know what im talking about?

[darkblue]

Yes. Everyone wants to be liked.

The only way to solve this is through some realization.

 

To an extent, it doesn't really matter what people think of you. And if you already have a circle of friends; you're not trying to attract these people you find uncomfortable around, as friends.

 

Be yourself and treat people how you would like to be treated as a friend.

If they don't treat you with respect - don't waste your time on them. They will push your self-esteem down if you let them.

 

But at the end of the day - you have to live with yourself; no one else.

[jna35]

I think it starts with self acceptance. That can be hard for some people, especially those who really never felt valued or heard. As for what other people think, try to figure out why it is so important to you. I mean, why would you care what a stranger would think of you? Does their opinion 'really' matter? My mom always told me that not everyone is going to like you and they don't need a reason because people are going to think what they are going to think, whether we like it or not. Now that I am older, I understand that, but I do feel where you are coming from. Dark Blue is right, everyone wants to be liked and feel like they fit in. I think you can consider yourself blessed if you even have one true friend that will back you up and be there for you unconditionally. Dark Blue gave you some good advice when he said to just be yourself. Your true friends will accept you for who you are and don't expect you to be perfect. That's the nice things about friends, they love us despite all our faults and occasional bouts of silliness.

[fantasia2004]

amen to that !

 

 

I still have to work on me too when it comes to loving yourself flaws and all.

 

If you don't you will become a personal prisoner to all those who show some type of opinion of you.

 

If you worry what they think they win. Don' t let anyone tell you or conduct how you think feel speak wear clothes or career direction you to their ideals beliefs and values.

end story.

[fantasia2004]

I prefer to love you as you are babe.

 

don't change!

[anonymous_presence]

Don't worry about whether people are judging you or not - let them think what they want, and don't let their opinions influence your own feeling of self worth.

 

You want to get rid of the awkward feeling when you're around others. From where I'm standing if most of the time you feel okay around others, then you're doing pretty well! But to appease the nerves, just don't think. Don't even think about thinking about being yourself (then there's that tendency to over do it). Don't think about being funny or sympathetic or cool. Just listen to what the people are saying, really pay attention - people respond to that. A response will come naturally if you let it, and let things flow pressurelessly like that. Just don't think, or think about something completely unrelated so that you aren't focusing on your every single move.

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting people to like you. Some people need that sense of validation from others in order to feel a sense of fulfillment. It's not the healthiest self esteem a person can have, one that's dependent on other people's opinion, but it's good in the sense that you are considerate of other people and have a sense of self-awareness to monitor your behavior.

 

Just work on accepting yourself regardless of what other people think. Start by becoming an optimist - don't think bad thoughts about yourself. That means don't dwell on regret and embarrassment. Appreciate your good qualities. With time you'll feel better about yourself and more secure around those certain people who make you shy.

[Cyndane]

Self worth cannot exist on the mere opinion of others. You have to start by accepting yourself and this include all your flaws and failures. Being self conscious is a problem I've had and, in my experience, will take time to overcome. But the key to it is practise! And don't be afraid to make mistakes either - you'll gain much more from learning than living with your fear of not being accepted/liked by others. All the best dear

[habitual_loser]

Figure out what you care about, think about why. Think about the things you do for fun and why you do them, the associated fantasies you've built up around the things you love.

 

Think about the things that upset you, that depress you, that make you wish humans didn't exist and everything wrong about the world.

 

It's a big world, and you're just a tiny thing that is there for a blink of an eye. You owe it to yourself to burn brightly and not have other people holding you back. That means good food, good drink, good friends who appreciate you for you, many more fantasies than you can ever live out, and living vicariously through others when you can. It means making mistakes and standing back up, losing yourself and finding yourself unharmed.

 

Self esteem is the journey to accepting that you ARE burning brightly and finding strength in that.