Should I tell him?

[KellyWyndham]

Hi, got a problem thats been killing me. Went out with this guy for a month, it was really going somewhere, we spent everyday together and he told me how much he liked me, that we were perfect together bla bla bla. I really fell for him and was so happy. I waited three weeks before having sex with him, he'd asked but I said I didn't want to be cheap. Anyway after we had sex it all went wrong, he became distant and eventually told me 'nothing could come of us but abit of fun'. I was heartbroken. Now three months on, we've got back in touch and have started hanging out, not dating though. We've talked about happened, he said he didn't want anything serious and that hes sorry for the way he acted. We've said we stil both fancy eachother and he's been suggesting sex alot though I'm refusing. Basically, I'm geussing he just wants a casual relationship, no strings sex. But when were together we're like a couple and we have such a strong connection, last night we stayed up talking for five hours. I like him so much, I'm crazy about him and I secretely wish we could be serious. I can't go on seeing him casually because I'm afraid I'll just fall in love with him when he doesn't feel the same way about me. Should I cut off all contact with him or tell him how I feel?

[jevonj77]

Look, guys can do amazing things when they want sex...you get it, they can be amazing when they want sex. After his first initial reaction after having sex with you, you should kind of get a clue that five hours of conversation is just his way of getting sex with you...he's going to break you down and then pounce on you...then leave you again...

 

Look, I think you should look for someone else that truly loves you and isn't talking to you just because he can smell that it is just a matter of time before he gets in your pants...

 

I think you should do both...tell him how you feel and why you are going to do what you do...then do it. I think it's the best...or just limit the amount of time you spend with him...

[Mun]

I think Jevonj is right. If you know this is not the kind of relationship you want then don't spend too much time with him. He should know that you are serious and so you have to behave that way---no freebies . The biggest mistake you can make here is to say no and then give in.

 

Tell him clearly what you want ( just don't say you want that from HIM) and if he starts in about why he just wants something casual then you will know that's your cue to let him go. Why waste each others time right?

 

Best Wishes

[lunatic]

I agree with the others and don't waste your time. He sounds like he is trying to get in your pants again. I would tell him that your looking for something more serious and not looking for something casual.

 

DO NOT TELL HIM HOW TO GET INTO YOUR PANTS. You know "oh I really like you and wish we could be a couple" NO NO NO...

 

tell him that your a person who has ambitions and goals in your life. Tell him that your not a free ride (excuse the pun). You want more and if he cannot give it to you then it is time to cut off contact.

[KellyWyndham]

I agree that he might be trying to get into my pants. And I also agree that guys will say anything when they're after sex. But (and this probably sounds really niave) the stuff he was saying really seemed genuine, he says he's kicking himself now for not treating me right and although I keep refusing sex, he still invites me over so maybe this could be real? The thing is, during the three months after we broke up I felt really empty and down and even when I would meet a great guy I would compare him to Calvin (this is his name). I've never known anyone like him, and I feel that this connection is too rare to just throw away, you know what I mean? I'm happy to hang out with him because that means I get to be with him, but I'm so worried I'm falling for him badly and that if and when he does eventually drop me, I'll just be so heartbroken I wont be able to cope.

[Mun]

Hey this is all good, maybe you can just keep yourself from falling back in bed with him by making sure you are never alone together at home.. because the bedroom is right there. Unless you know yourself to have immense willpower don't put yourself in a vulnerable situation like that.

 

So....Meet in public places, have him pick you up instead of coming over or going over to his place... you get the idea.

 

He could be genuine or not, you will only know this after spending much time with him where you do other things that don't involve sex-and he still keeps coming around. It's your call girl, so be smart about it.

[jevonj77]

Uhm...you have to discipline your mind...you are young and most likely the saying that you have never meet anyone like him is due to the fact that you have not meet that many men at all. He can smell that he is going to get into your pants and he is very hungry indeed...you have to think clearly here and don't let your emotions get the best of you.

 

Now what you should do is get to know more people and also build up more of your self esteem and such.

 

One thing you have to do is stop comparing the other guys to him and such...evey body is different and if you have tunnel vision you will not be able to see their qualities...there qualities might even be better but if you keep on saying well they don't say the same words that he did and don't act the same and such...you won't get any where with them. Why, because only he can act like he does...someone else can only be a copy.

 

Another thing is that you came on here for advice...if you already knew what you were going to do no matter what we said then why did you come on here? You have to clearly wiegh all the advice and make your decisions based on this. Don't just do what you thought of before you read our advice, but change it a little.

 

Most of the people that have given you advice are much older, meaning that we have seen and know how nice people can be and how sincire they can be just to get some. So if you decide to do what you thought of before you spoke to us...well let us know how it goes...

[djedix]

He will say anything he has to to get some from you, because he already did it once before, and he's going to do it again. HE knows he can do it again. Unless he seriously changes, you should be very wary of anythign he says, or promises. He could be like yea, let's go out.. get what he wants, and then dump you the next day.

[babycristy456]

If you think his words could be genuine, then tell him you need him to prove it. Refuse him sex until you are completely convinced that he might take it a step further than just casual. Tell him straight out that you dont want a casual relationship, you really like him, but if what he is saying is true, then to prove it.

Anyways, when a guy is really interested in you, they never ask for sex in return until they are officially together. If he does not give you that, then don't give him sex. Unless of course you want to lose your self respect and let him use you as a sex object...

[Princess18]

Is this guy older than you?? does he seem too good to be true?? handsome, popular?

 

If he is then i guess he's after sex- Ive had strings of boyfriends like this who wanted more than i was ready for- they soon got bored and moved on and IM SO GLAD I NEVER GAVE IN TO THEM.

I was convinced that one boyfriend of 3months (the same as you) loved me and i was obsessed with him I THOUGHT he was the one- he kept strangely inviting me round to sit in his room when his parents were out- i got nervous an scared so made excuses- he realised he wasnt going to get what he wanted and moved on- i was HEARTBROKEN. I dont see how guys can actually do this to girls but they do.

 

I have a steady boyf of 3years now and we only had sex when we were ready- he NEVER made me feel like i had to- and i knew he'd never leave me if i didnt want to

 

I think you can tell if i guy really likes you- he'll always make contact and want to do things with you make you feel special- it shouldnt be about sex- thats lust- maybe he thinks your hot but doesnt really want commitment

 

Only you can judge the situation

 

Just be careful- and dont let him re-break your heart

[KellyWyndham]

i really appreciate all the advice here. I was confused about what step to take - should I cut off all contact to save myself from getting hurt? but then i realised that i didnt want to let him go, and if I don't want to, chances are I won't be able to.

I just came back from his. We didn't do anything serious, mainly kissing. It was really passionate and I realised how much I'd missed it. I refused to go all the way and he seemed ok with that. But when he walked me to the bus stop, we didn't hold hands or anything. When we waited for the bus he put his arm around me, but I asked what he was doing tomorrow and he gave a short answer, said he was busy, and I felt so rejected and awful. When the bus came, he went 'bye dude' and hugged me. i broke down in tears when i got back, i feel like he's using me and doesnt care about me. i always have to watch what i say around him, so i don't say anything that might scare him off. i can tell this will end the same way, but believe it or not, i'm so attracted to him i can't let go. i geuss this is a lost cause which cant be helped, i just feel so lonely tonight.

he's 4 years older than me, handsome, very into himself. we get on so well but im so paranoid hes using me. this is the worst feeling

[lunatic]

Who the heck wants to walk on eggshells all the time? Not me I can tell you that. If you cannot be yourself infront of him then it is time to say "see ya would not wanna be ya". =-)

 

Remember it's his loss anyway and you should have some more respect for yourself then what you have been putting yourself thru. Your young and your going to do what you wish but, I am telling you nothing will come out of this but a broken heart. I am sorry... you can do better for yourself.