Why do (some) guys do this?

[cranberry]

Just a quick question here.

I noticed that when I go out with a female friend and she sees some guy(s) she knows, so we go up to talk to them...and then when she introduces us and the guy shakes my hand, he looks away/diverts his eyes away from me, while he is shaking my hand?

For some reason it makes me feel a little hurt...should I be a little offended?

Out of 4 guys I've met this way, 3/4 have done this...

[DiscipleOfChange]

Yes, you should be offended. Every gentleman knows that whenever he shakes anybody's hand and througout the course of any ensuing conversation, he must maintain eye contact. This holds true especially with regards to women. Unfortunately, many people do not maintain eye contact in this manner.

 

~Mark

[PersonalMe]

ALOT of guys r shy, wether they look it or not. and i dont knwo what u look like...but if u r pretty, they r probably just intimidated and get a bit nervous, and if your "not so attractive" then they might just be REALLY rude and superficial, and think that since u dont look good, your not "worth it" sry to be so direct, but thats probably how they r thinking...hope i helped bye

[Tigris]

I agree with Lonesome.

 

If they do this to you then I wouldn't bother talking to them ever again. Secondly, it's their loss not yours.

 

 

[Aueft]

I agree with Lonesome.

 

If they do this to you then I wouldn't bother talking to them ever again. Secondly, it's their loss not yours.

 

 

[cranberry]

Not to sound "___", but I don't think that I am unattractive--so unattractive that a guy wouldn't look at me while shaking my hand...But you can bet that I am feeling really self-conscious now.

 

I first thought it might be b/c my friend is attractive and that the guys she knows like her, so they are focussing on her...but one of these guys I met one time was her brother and he did the same thing.

[Blackmsmithdave]

dont get too offended if they have a problem its there not yours, right!

 

They should keep eye contact bt if they dont then they could be shy and or something else. just try and not to let it effect the way you treat them.

[Jinx]

I doubt its a matter of being unattractive here or such.

 

I've found certain people (men or women) have a presense which may discourage eye contact. Sometimes you'll have this in a dominate/submissive, confident/underconfident and among other attitude pairings. If you notice, in most cases if you're approached by a man whom introduces himself, he will initiate and hold eye contact. If a woman approaches a man she will keep eye contact usually. The confident/dominate party so to speak.

 

I personally can keep eye contact with almost anyone, but there are a handful I've met which I divert my eyes because I just can't hold the eye contact, too much to do so. Most of us have someone or something which causes a situation where we feel obligated to divert our eyes for one reason or another. Certain individuals can hold eye contact easier than others too. Some can hold eye contact almost no matter what their internal emotions are. Whereas some are taught eye contact is intimate or fear/challenging and thereforeeee look away to avoid an early sense of one and threat of another.

 

It may indeed actually be you're an attractive woman and it correlates with the above factors. I wouldn't take it too personally. I can't. I've met Counselors, Journalists and Psychologists (people people so to speak) and they'll divert their gaze because they can't keep my constant eye contact. I've even met some whom have commented they meet few which can keep near constant eye contact while talking like I do. Yet, when they become comfortable enough with me, eye contact becomes easier almost fluid.

 

You can always test this, find a man whom appears very confident, and approach him. Even if you're not interested in a relationship take it for observing the eye contact and non verbal signals, see who looks away first. I personally like men and women who can hold eye contact but like I say, people are taught so many things about eye contact and so many more have different interpretations of eye contact you can't quite be sure.

[DiscipleOfChange]

I think I may have been a bit harsh earlier. A lot of people don't realize that they're not looking at you directly or at least they don't see it as so bad. I had to train myself to keep eye contact for my job this summer and walking around camous and watching people talking I notice an interesting phenomenon: a lot of people walk looking down or if they look up as they walk, they look away or check the time when they get close to another person (perhaps unconsciously). When people have conversations, often times, people look at each other for a bit but not the whole time.

 

I still think however that at least when you shake someone's hand there should be no question, eye contact is a must

 

~Mark

[cranberry]

No, I didn't think you were being harsh Lonesome.

 

I still think however that at least when you shake someone's hand there should be no question, eye contact is a must

 

I agree with you--I share the same belief also, this is probably why it peeves me a little when ppl don't maintain the eye contact. You make a good point--a lot of ppl don't even realize they are doing it or think it is "bad"...thus I shoudln't be so irked, lol.

 

And Jinx, wow that was some excellent insight and I really appreciate it. Yes I think I am one of those ppl that find it easy to maintain eye contact. In fact as I was reading your post, I realize I always look at ppl in the eye and this why I may come accross as intimidating. Ask me the eye colour of anyone I've ever met and I could tell you what colour they have.

 

Thanks for the input everyone.