breakups

[nicoleisconfused]

I am looking for advice from an outside source. Here is my dilemma... I was supposed to be getting married on July 18th. We lived together down at college and things were good I thought. 2 months ago my fiance left with only the reason that we are not right for each other. He also quit college three weeks before getting his diploma. His mother called and said that I should not give him any sort of rules because he was her baby and she never told him he couldn't do something. THis was all because I told him he should maybe think about limiting his drinking because he was doing it every night and failing school. We "kind of" live together still. We have two dogs together and he comes home about once a week here. When he is home he takes me out and we talk about every other day on the phone. He acts like nothing has changed and the only difference is now I'm not getting married in two weeks. I know I should not talk to him and such but no one understands that I have zero closure and I want to talk to him because everything feels the same. I seem to be blocking out the idea that we will not be getting back together even though I know that that is true. I know i'm giving him the best of both worlds, but the only time I'm happy is when i'm with him or talking to him. Otherwise, I am depressed and crying. What should I do and how should I interpret his behavior? are we finished or what? He says he is still completely in love with me but he is going to ignore it. Please help.

[speedracer780]

First off, I think you should stop the wedding countdown. He ended it 2 months ago, so you are not supposed to be doing anything in 2 weeks. I think this guy is being selfish. His mommy said he could do anything. Is using you one of them? I rarely am this blunt on here. however, I'd tell the momma's boy to go stuff his independence up his ass and while he's at maybe he can grow up and be a man. Do you really want tied down to this loser? They guy obviously can't go through with anything. Drop him like a bad habit and start moving on with your life. Be strong. Take this time to learn about yourself and become an individual instead of a victim.

[RobbiGee]

Ive only been around here for 2 days and already I can see the on going theme! Yes we have to move on, and no it isn't easy but it is the only way.

 

When you talk to him how do you act ? Do you just make small talk and then still feel crap when you hang up the phone ?

 

These things are never easy but you can't allow him to rule your life if he is not going to make any commitment, sometimes, like in my case they don't even admit you arent meant to be but your guy has said this to you and Im afriad thats probably all the closure you are going to get.

 

Open to PMs etc if you want any advice .......

[Evilphil]

I'm sorry you're in such a volitile situation. What you have to understand about him is that he truly hasn't dedicated enough time to himself to figure out who he is and what he wants. This is not uncommon, but offers little help in the way of advice. The problem isn't you though. Things you say to him he may see as you trying to control him. If you care about him that much, you'll have to decide if it is better for you to be with him and possibly take such lack of emotion from him, or give him his space to figure out what he wants. It is a longshot that he'll come back if you give him space, unless he figures out who he is before making a rash decision.

[bzborow1]

Sounds to me like you need to just let him go. I find more women do this then men but he has in this case, the old "i need to figure myself" routine. So take this as your closure, "he's said it's over, so it's over". Case closed.

 

Another note here, from what you've mentioned about his mother it seems there is a reason for all this. It sounds to me that his mother has babied him, given him everything he wants, and in the process has not tought him how to be a man....How to be responsible....How to make decisions for himself...and how to be self reliant.