Relapses

[Pebek]

It's been a while since I last posted on this forum. Some of you may know my story. To make it short, my gf of 4 1/2 years broke up with me 18 months ago. Yes, it's been over a year and a half since that horrible day in March and I am not fully healed yet. In fact, I am nowhere near being healed. I have maintained 100% NC and I'd be lying if I said it didn't work. It does work and I feel better now as compared to how I felt a year ago, but it's the emptiness and the memories I can't cope with. Some of the relapses are so hard to take that it seems to me she left me only yesterday. I don't know what she's doing now or if she's dating anyone or not. The only thing I know is I'm still missing her so much it hurts. I know I'm rambling but I just needed to vent. For those of you who don't know my story - there's this huge 16-year age gap between my ex and me. Another bad thing is that I can't see myself dating anyone, not that there is some such girl around me anyway...

[johnagent1911]

Hang in there man... Life gets a little better. I hated getting over my ex. But in the end. I feel better. Not much I can say to help... See the good in your life. Look for it if you have to.

[novaseeker]

Yes.

 

The best advice is to get out there and do things you enjoy to do and live life ... the things that YOU enjoy to do. Find friends to spend time with and do fun things with them. Fill up the space in your life with things you enjoy doing. It's not magic, and it doesn't work over night, but over time you will find that life is bearable again, and then that it's good again, and you may even meet someone else along the way.

[heloladies21]

Dude, all your feelings are normal. Stick with the NC and it will get even better. But you do need to start talking to other girls. Force yourself if you have to. You can't say she's not out there if you haven't even tried.

[Pebek]

Thanks guys for replying. As always I know I can count on all you wonderful people on this forum. Yeah, I know I should do this and do that, but believe me it's so d...n hard to do. Besides, when you take into account my age, you'll see that the pickings are very slim. Add to that the way I feel and you get the picture. I am broken, mentally that is. All my energy's been sapped and my self-esteem is at an all-time low. The truth is I'm running out of time, if you see what I mean. To top that, a part of me, quite a big one unfortunately, still wants her back...

I'm afraid there's no light at the end of the tunnel.

[heloladies21]

Your age??? Age does not matter, especially for guys. Ex. You see that show on VH1 with that brady bunch guy and the supermodel? 47 to 22 so don't gimmie that. Plenty of women out there for you so stop making excuses, stop imagining your failure, and get out there.

[novaseeker]

Yes I would agree with heloladies in that age does not matter really. 41 is not old. There are many women who become available, again, in the age-range of 30-40 once the first wave of divorces hits the folks who got married in their 20s (I know it sounds cynical, but it's true), there are plenty of folks out there if you get out and go for it.

[Pebek]

heloladies21 - thank you for bringing me back to my senses. I guess you're right. Most of the pain I'm feeling has been caused by my sick mind. Maybe 41 isn't old but I am feeling old right now. Wherever I go I'm faced with memories of us together. It's so hard to escape from the past. Moving out might do the trick but it's out of the question, I'm afraid.

Anyway, I'll hang in there hoping that I see the light eventually. Thanks folks for the kind words again.