At the stage where I need help

[cynical76]

Thank God someone's out there. I feel so alone.

 

No, I doubt very much he is sitting feeling bad about it. I'm just crippled by the thought that this has happened again.

 

I'm having crazy thoughts of what to do. I feel like I'm trapped in a cycle of terrible feelings and terrible things happening to me.

 

My dad died four years ago and I'm nowhere near over it, I miss him all the time. My ex helped me through at the beginning and he was a connection to my dad which I can never get with anyone else. I think that's one of the reasons why I can't let go.

 

But what makes me angry is that I had started to let go when he turned up again. he said all the stuff I'd literally been dreaming about, that he loved me and wanted to start again and wanted to get a house together etc,. And then he's ripped it all away. Again.

 

If you're still there, please reply.

 

I haven't felt this weak in a long time. I just feel I've come to the end of my rope, it's been a hellish few months and it just keeps on and on. I thought I wouldn't have to feel this way anymore, and it's back. I'm alone again.

 

He says he still wants to work it out but I just don't believe him. It's his birthday tomorrow and my dad's on friday. I used to love this time of year and now it's torture.

[annie24]

Hey - don't worry - we're out here for you. (((((BIG HUG)))))) I lost my dad 14 years ago - I know how hard it is. Go with your gut instinct - if you don't trust your ex, don't go along with whatever it is he wants.

 

Focus on healing yourself. Go treat yourself - go get a manicure, a massage, etc. Rent some funny movies, drink some wine with friends. Take care of yourself right now.

[cynical76]

Oh, Annie. I've been doing all that, trying to move on and heal myself and concentrate on myself before he came back this time. But I just feel like I can't do it anymore. I don't have the energy.

 

I don't care about myself anymore. It's just all too painful.

 

I don't want to have to pick myself up and start all over again, it's too hard. I feel like I'm done. Finished. I feel like my life's over at 29.

 

I know it sounds dramatic, and I'm not usually dramatic, but this feels like the final straw. He's been back and forth for months now, and this time, for some reason, I thought he meant it. I thought I was finally good enough for him.

 

Should have realised it was all a bunch of bull.

 

Question is, what do I do now?

[annie24]

I think it's time to go into No Contact. Don't take his phone calls, e-mails, text messages. Get some space from him - give yourself time to heal. Keep busy, get a puppy. Time is on your side

[needhelp]

hey

i hope u r still on line..

please please..i really know what you are going through.

Its like this is so strange. My ex just came to my work. Yesterday he was all lovey dovey with me.. today he got here and started saying some mean things..I was so happy to see him. When he left i balled..

Babes they dont care..they have some thrill as they know how to make us and break us and they enjoy the control.

PLEASE PM me if you wish..

[patience]

100% no conact is necessary now for you to heal

 

no contact = no new hurt

 

spend time with family and friends (not mutual friends)

 

Have you considered counselling? You deserve the support that you would get from face to face counselling.

[cynical76]

I'm already in therapy. It is helping I think, if i could just get some kind of peace of mind about this. I don't care anymore what happens, I just want to stop feeling like this.

 

I want to get my backbone back and tell him where to go. Because that's the only way. That and just ignoring him.

 

Thanks everyone again for reading and commenting. One day I will get off this nightmare rollercoaster.