Am I wanting too much?

[lilly10]

I have been in a sixth month relationship, and we really have no problems. We never argue, and we have a great time when we are together.

 

This is the first time I have truly loved someone, and I'm finding it really hard to cope with. I just have become so atattched to him. Lately, he has been very busy and for the past four weeks, we have only been seeing each other on average, about twice a week. Sometimes only once. (He lives a good drive away, so we have to plan when we see each other.... we just can't "drop around" for a bit")

 

I feel like I am not high enough on his priority list. I know that sounds selfish, but it makes me really upset. Because I hold him so high on mine, it upsets me easily.

 

When we do see each other, it's actually better than it was when we saw each other a lot. Because we both appreciate seeing each other. He tells me how much he's missed me, and we really have a good time.

 

I just can't handle the wait in between. I feel like for a couple of six months we should be seeing each other more often. I really cannot see anything wrong with our relationship apart from that.

 

Am I wanting too much from him? I think I am probably being too over sensitive, and needy.

[romantic sweetheart]

Hi Lilly. I just read your note, and I want you to know that I don't think you are being too selfish or needy. Six months is enough time to begin feeling very much in love and attatched to your sweetheart. Naturally, you want to spend more time together to strengthen and enrich your relationship, and to gain new experiences together. Long-distance love, even if just a little distance, is difficult to cope with. Being apart for even a few days makes it a challenge to find a natural rhythm and security in the relationship. I don't think you are wanting too much when you desire to spend more time together. I once had a relationship where I experienced a similar problem. My boyfriend only lived 6 miles from me, yet he could only find time to see me on the weekends. He was too busy with his band and work to see me any other time. At first, I tried to deal with the minimal time together as graciously as I could, but after many months, I became increasingly frustrated with the situation. The relationship had many more problems than this, but that was a large part of our problems.

 

The key to anything in love is communication and respect. Try talking to your boyfriend about how you are feeling and suggest that you spend more time during the week together. My past boyfriend and I did not have good communication whatsoever, but I have a feeling your sweetheart will be more receptive to you. If he is in love with you, as I think he is, he will most likely feel flattered that you want to spend more time together. It probably would be nice for you to feel he is hurting over the lack of time together (we all want to feel wanted) so ask him to talk about his thoughts and feelings, too. Perhaps this is just a busy time for him, and it will soon be over so you can resume more closeness.

 

I feel no one can be so busy that they can't make enough time for a special someone in his/her life. If he isn't willing to devote more time to you, he needs to reassess what his priorities are. If you aren't one of them, he need not have the priveledge of having your love!

[whitelilly]

Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it.

 

I have spoken to my boyfriend about it, and he has agreed that he wants to spend more time with me.... but things are just too busy. He has a band also, and they are trying to record, so they have time limits etc. I don't expect him to give up something he loves doing, and when he is working, I don't even consider that a problem, as I know that he has to work. Whenever he does have a free day, we will see each other. It just so happens those days where he is free, are not as often as they once were.

 

Breaking up with him over something like this is totally out of the question, because we have no problems, so I'd just be even worse off - never seeing him!

 

I think perhaps, you are right that this could just be a busy time for him. I think I should wait and see how things resume.

 

I really don't want to make an issue about it, because I don't want to make him feel like I am suffocating him or being too demanding. When we started going out, it was the opposite, I was really busy.

 

I probably need to make myself a little busier, because sitting at home bored, doesn't help the situation at all.

[tobigahart]

Ahhh that last line of yours is exactly! why you feel this way. It is soo important that you don't use a relationship to fill the gaps in your life alone. This will only leave you ever the more vulnerable if ever things go wrong. If you can focus on what you are missing in your life as an individual, you will be a much happier person, single or not! I apologise if this response was a but brief but really this is all there is to it.

 

How do you think people can be happy alone? They have control of their life and live it to the fullest

[babycristy456]

U are obviously not asking for too much. It just seems that way because of the situation. It's only normal to want to be around the person you love. I also think that you are on his top priority it's just that he is also living his own life. He is managing to cope without you. You should do the same. Live your own life so that if anything might go wrong, you will have something to fall back on.