whitelilly

i know. its a hard one hence me coming here. i dont want to lose him over this, i love him so much and it hurts so bad to think of us breaking up. i guess it's up to him, if he cant stop this and i cant break up with him i'll have to deal with it. i might wait a week or so to cool down, and if its still bothering me ill confront him about it. if he brings it back onto me about snooping, i guess if he wasnt doing anything wrong in the first place it shouldnt matter eh?

I said "I know you wouldn't appreciate me putting photos of myself naked up online" and he said "i probably wouldnt like it too much, but it's your body, you can do what you like, i wouldn't tell you you had to remove it" that's when i said, that I wasn't trying to control him by telling him what he can and cannot do, but more that I was really hurt by it.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year now. We get along well, but sometimes our fiery tempers means arguments. Its never anything too serious. We are in love + it's really great. He makes me feel special, and looks after me well. The only problem is, he has an extremely high sex drive. Our sex is wonderful, no problems there. He has told me it's the bext sexlife he has had, and it's not like I am not satisfying him... but then he has to watch so much porn! It's not porn that bothers me, really.. I know a lot of guys enjoy watching it. But recently I found he has an online profile at a porn sharing thing, kinda like myspace... with all these girls added to his list. Reading what he wrote about these "everyday" girls made me feel so sad. He even had naked photos of himself up. I confronted him about it, as I stumbled accross it by an accident, and it caused a fight. I told him the reason I felt so bad is that it made me feel like I wasnt enough for him, that if you love someone why should you be going online to perve on other women like that? and have photos of yourself up? and write such things about them? He had issues with me, like I was snooping around. He tried to tell me it was all a joke, even though I didnt believe him. (with what he wrote to them, it was hard to believe its a joke) when I told him I didn't believe him, he told me I had to trust him or we would break up, because he doesn't believe in relationships without trust. He deleted his photos, but can't delete the profile (it deletes when it hasnt been used) Problem is, I went to have a look today and his photos are back up! New ones, more explicit! And he's back to what he was doing before. Is this normal to feel hurt? He didn't exactly "LIE" to me, because he never said he was going to not use it anymore.. but even after he knows how hurt I was, he still went back to it. Like he can't help himself. I know he wouldnt cheat on me, but I still feel hurt. I don't feel like I can confront him about it now, as it will look like I am snooping & will make him angrier. But I can't get it out of my head. It's really hurt me. What should I do?

I have known him for about a year. We have been good friends for about 6 months, and for the last 2 months we have been seeing each other nearly every day..

Hello.. I agree with morning_star. There is no time limit at all, when it happens, it happens. When two people are new in relationships, things take a little longer. I remember my first boyfriend, it took ages to kiss! I ended up making a joke about how we hadn't kissed, and that's how we ended up kissing. As you get more experienced and more comfortable with kissing people, things tend to speed up a little. Just go with the flow

Hi, I previously posted regarding liking my friend and not knowing if he felt the same way.. Well, the other night we went out with some friends, and he got extremely drunk. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing and it nearly led to sex. He told me that he really liked me, and that he knew we would end up kissing.. (As I previously mentioned, there had been what I thought was sexual tension in our friendship) He even said he really wanted to go out with me. Then the next day, he was oblivious to it all! He says he can't remember anything after a certain point (which was quite a bit before we got together) I don't know if he's saying he can't remember because he is embarrassed (he was extremely drunk, and was saying and doing some pretty funny stuff) or if he really doesn't remember. I told him that we kissed.. but we haven't talked much about it anymore. Do you think that him being drunk means that it was meaningless? Or the other way around, that he was speaking the truth because he was drunk? I can only assume that this is going to happen again, but I don't want to make any moves if it was something he can't remember and didn't really want to do!

Thanks guys! Really great advice. Darkblue, when you say that we all miss friends.. this is different. This is definetely a "missing a crush" thing, where you get all anxious because you start wondering WHY they haven't called etc. Hehe, funny things, crushes. But, all of your advice has been great. I will wait it out and see how it goes, if the feeling is still there after a while longer, I will pursue it. I have flirted with him, and he flirts too but we both are pretty flirty people by nature, so I won't base it all on that. He was pretty full on one night, and I had this feeling he was going to make moves.. but I wasn't sure what I was feeling at that point and didn't want to make any rash decisions, so I kind of avoided it all. We have mutual friends, and one of his friends, I dated for a little while.. I am not sure if he knows this.. but if he does, it could be holding him back. Anyhow, I will wait it out and I'll let you know what happens for sure! Thanks again

I have been friends with this guy for a few months now. For the past few weeks we have been seeing each other nearly every day.. and it's been a lot of fun. Lately, I have found myself attracted to him, sexually. There have been moments of tension, where I feel like something is about to happen but I have backed off because I am not sure if it should happen. The thing is, he is nothing like what I usually go for in guys. He is into really different things to me, and isn't what I "want" in a guy.. but I still feel these feelings. I am so confused though, as to whether or not he likes me as more than a friend. And how can I tell if all these feelings are because I have been alone for quite a while, and it's actually companionship that I am missing? Or that it's actually him and something that I should pursue? In the last few days I haven't seen him, and he hasn't sms'd me or called or anything, and I have found myself anxious! I really miss him. Yet, I am still so confused as to what I am feeling? I don't want to ruin our friendship though. Any advice as to what I should do would be appreciated! Mainly on whether or not I should pursue it, and if so, how? Thankyou!

yeah he kissed me, but i backed off because it was in front of my lecturers and other students (it was at this graduation thing) BUT i did explain that was why, not because i didn't want to.

Last night, I met this really cute guy out at this party. I have seen him around my college and always thought he was cute, but never had the opportunity to speak to him. Now, we got introduced and from then on we hung out together all night. He seemed really interested, saying things like he had noticed me around college, that he thought i was cute, and when i found out he was a few years younger than me.. he said he hoped that didn't change things etc etc. When it got a bit later, he said that he might not get the chance to see me again, (as i have completed college now) so we exchanged numbers. I asked him if he would call (so many guys get numbers, but never call) and he seemed enthusiastic about calling. Problem is, I was really quite drunk.. and wasn't acting like my normal self. So later on tonight, i sent him a text message just apologising about being as drunk as i was. He hasn't replied though. I later remembered him saying that he hoped I wouldnt wake up today and put hanging out with him and flirting down to alcohol. I immediately regretted sending that text message, because he might have thought that I was hinting at being drunk meaning I wasn't interested! I realise it's still early, and most people won't call for a few days anyhow. I am reaaaally interested in him. We got along so well.. I was thinking maybe I should call him in a few days if he hasnt called (as i get the impression i might not have let him know i was as interested as he was) Please give me any advice.. i am new to meeting people out and about, as all the guys i have dated have been mutual friends! I really want to give it a shot, because i dont have anything to lose really. What do i say, and how do i go about calling?

Only a few hours ago, I made the choice to end my relationship with a boy whom I have been dating for 7months. I have never ended a relationship before, and before this one, I came out of a very painful relationship, where I was dumped. Basically, I think I jumped into this one too fast, and as much as I hate the term "rebound" I feel he could have been one. The problem is, I don't know how to deal with it properly? He is absolutely crushed, telling me I am his one love and life isn't worth living without me. It killed me to have to do it to him, I care about him a lot, and I hate to see him in so much pain. I felt I had to end it, because he loved me, and I wasn't in love with him. I was causing a lot of pain for him. I started to become less interested in the relationship, and the more he clinged to me, the more I backed off. I became less affectionate, and our sex life basically was non existed. Generally, I was doing what my ex started to do to me, and I know how terribly painful it is for the person you love to do that to you. I just hate myself for doing this to him. I don't know how I should go about things from here on. I would love to be friends, but he doesn't think he can do it, which I totally understand; as I've been there before. As hard as this is going to be for me, I respect his wishes. I don't want to do the complete "no contact" thing though, as it all ended so suddenly. And I dont want him to think I don't care. Should I send him a SMS or drop him an email in a few days, just to see how he is going? I became friends with all his friends, so I know I'm going to have to give up my social life, to allow him space. This was a massive decision for me to have made, and now I have actually done it...I'm just unsure of how to go about it from here on...

It's been just over 2 months since the breakup with my ex. (He broke up with me) About three weeks ago, he contacted me and said he wanted to get back together and try it, as he misses being with me. Then I found out he was drunk, and that he doesn't want to get back together with me. Although he still misses me, he said when he was drunk he didn't think of WHY he broke up with me in the first place, which was because he didn't love me, and knew it wasn't going to be long term. So getting back together with me just because he misses me, and misses being with someone, he doesn't want to do, as he doesn't want to hurt me again. He told me that it was partially sex driven also, which hurt me SO much. I felt like I was back at square one again, as I was starting to get over things. I told him a lot of things I probably shouldn't, but I was just so hurt, and I was really honest. I am feeling much better now, as in, I am not "pining" over him anymore. Or crying often about him. Nor am I continuosly going over all our "good times" in my head like i was previously. And I am over wanting him back, after he contacted me again, I told him we couldn't be together. (when we first broke up i told him he had to tell me if he regretted it, but the fact he used that chance when he was drunk and didn't mean it, means i don't owe him any more chances) But I still think about him everyday. When we chat at college, I end up feeling upset afterwards - but more because he's friends with all MY friends now, and hearing about how much fun they are having without me is not making me feel much better. Basically, it's getting to the point where I want to stop thinking about him. It's starting to drive me insane, as I know it's coming up to 3 months now, and I just want to move on with things. I know I have come a long long way, from when we first broke up. Things are easier, but things have slowed down in the progression stage. Is this normal?? I was just wondering if this is how it works, that the first few stages you can notice how you are moving along, and then it kind of just slows down? I just want to feel ok with things again. Is three months a long time to still be thinking about your ex everyday? People have told me to "just not let it bother me" but it's easier said than done.

Well, things are the same pretty much as I posted my reply as that was only the other day. When we see each other at college, we chat. If we are both waiting for classes, we will sit down together and chat. It's mostly light talk about what we have been up to, and it goes quite smoothly between us. I still get upset, because I hear all about how great things are going, or he'll talk about what someone did, at that social event that I couldn't bring myself to go to alone. I guess I am upset that it can't be a stronger friendship, but really at the same time, I know that it can't be. It's too painful. I am under the belief that ex's can't be close friends, unless the breakup was entirely mutual. While there is pain, there is going to be awkwardness. At the moment, what I miss is his friendship, but if I was friends with him, I'd then miss the intimacy. Then it would just hurt too much. We shared too much, our relationship was too intense, for me to be able to go back to something, where I'd be constantly missing that extra step. So we do talk, and it's not bitter. I'm glad of that, but it still doesn't make it much easier. Sometimes, I wish I didn't have to see him as often as I do, because it would make it easier for me to get over things. Same as if I had other friends, because it's them that keep reminding me on what I am missing out on. But this is my situation, so I have to deal with it the best that I can. My future seems really unsure right now, as in, I can't vision how things will get easier with the friends issue, but I guess time will tell. I think my next biggest hurdle is when he starts dating someone else. I am really dreading it. But who knows? I could be with someone myself, or it could come around and I might handle it much better than I expected. I hope that things with your ex-girlfriend remain civil, at least. I think knowing that your ex could possibly be angry with you, hurts more than not being with them. If what you shared was as special to you as it sounds it was, you want it to remain civil. I think you really just need to distance yourself for a while. Talk to each other when you see each other, but I think the close friends thing is something you have to let go for a while, at least until you are properly healed. I found it SO hard to distance myself from him, and not message him on MSN for so long. But now I have him on block, only because everytime I'd speak to him, I'd bring up the relationship, or I'd take things the wrong way and get upset. Now I can unblock him when I want to speak to him. I know that sounds quite rude, but I really have to concentrate on getting over this. Plus, I am not blocking him because I dislike him, it's actually because I like him too much still. Goodluck, and keep me posted!

I think perhaps my post came off a little wrong. Most people seem to think he isn't treating me nicely. He is polite to me, and he does talk to me when I am out. He was very honest throughout the breakup, and although said some hurtful things (the truth) he said some very nice things to me also. I guess what I meant to say, is that all of this social awkwardness is really my choice. He doesn't care if I go out with them, it's me who thinks it's maybe a bad choice, and incidentally, I am sad that I can't bring myself to do it. I guess I have to think about my feelings now though. Thanks for the advice though, everyone. I think I do need to try and make some new friends, or simply take some time off and get over this pain before I try to hang out with that circle of friends again.

I'll try to keep the background info short........My boyfriend broke up with me 6 weeks ago. This was both our first loves, and we were best friends. Basically he broke up with me because he didn't know what he was supposed to feel in a relationship, and that he wanted to be able to just have space, do whatever he wanted, when he wanted and not have to worry about upsetting me. Plus, he didn't think he loved me, whereas I loved him so intensely he felt as though I deserved better. So things didn't end bitterly at all. Anyhow, when we broke up, I said I didn't think we could remain as best friends, as it was just going to hurt me too much. He begged me to remain friends with him, even said he wouldn't break up if it meant we couldn't be. We both agreed that we wanted to be able to talk and see each other at college OK, as we had no reason to be bitter towards each other. So for the first few weeks, we hung out at lunch time, and it really felt like we were still together. (Conversation wise) Everything was going good, and I'd feel good when I got home. But then I realised I was on a high from seeing him. And when I would then realise I wasn't with him, I'd just cry so much. Slowly, things died down, and now we see each other and our conversations are still fine, but they are about assignments and what we did on the weekend. This just makes it hard for me, because we shared so much and this all seems so weird to just be talking about such boring things. Plus, it's so hard hearing about how great his weekends are, and how terrible mine are. We are friends with the same people mostly, and we met by going to local shows. (bands) He was in a band that would play, so it worked in well. Anyhow, as much as I would love to go to see these bands, it just hurts too much now. I went a few times after we broke up, and I realised how many people I thought were my friends, are really now HIS friends. Even some that I introduced to him, are now closer to him. When I go, he talks to me, but then there are also moments where he will go off and socialise, and there I am left standing there watching how much fun he is having. Everyone talks to me, but for like 5 mins before they walk off. It's like they feel awkward knowing I was the dumped one or something. So i decided I shouldn't go to shows anymore, if it makes me feel so sad afterwards. It's no use hurting myself more, right? Then I sit home, and I'm so sad that I am missing out on something I enjoy doing. It's like a catch22 situation. It just hurts SO much to watch him having fun and getting along with everyone, and me to know that I am no longer a part of that anymore. I am also scared that he will meet someone else, and I don't want to have to deal with hanging out with him and his new girlfriend, I couldn't do it. So this leaves me here..... 6 weeks on, and hurting so much. The first few weeks I felt I was coping, but all of this social situation stuff is really hurting me, and I feel back at square one again. I have been out with some of my work friends, but it's not the same. I still wake up the next morning feeling terribly sad. Because I know what I really want to do, I can't. Even though I am not ready for another relationship, all the people I get along with so well, and have the same interests as me, go to see these bands..... so I can't even see myself meeting anyone new! After 6 weeks is it supposed to get easier than this? I feel like I am at the worst stage, it feels even worse than the start. I guess it's all becoming reality, as I am realising how much he's not in my life anymore. I don't miss the intimate side as much as I just miss his company, his friendship. But I know if we were to be friends, I'd then long for the intimacy. (I mean I do miss it alot, it's just everything about the person he is, that i miss the most right now.) I know so many people are going through this, but I feel so alone!

Hi there. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. I too, am going through the same situation. My boyfriend broke up with me about 6 weeks ago, for similar reasons. It was a mixture of him not knowing what he should be feeling in a relationship (it was both our first relationships) and that he just needed time to be selfish eg; do things when he felt like it, having a lot of time on his hands, being able to cancel plans without me getting upset. (which you can't do with a girlfriend) For a while there, I held onto the hope that he would realise what he needed to, and he would want me back. So for a few weeks, I thought I was "coping". There wasn't a lot of awkwardness between us, and I really couldn't grasp the fact we were over. You see, we also were best friends. And we go to the same college. When we broke up, I told him that I didn't think we could remain best friends, because it would hurt me too much. (especially if he started to date someone else) He cried, and begged me to remain his best friend. He even said he wouldn't break up with me if it meant that, because he couldn't lose me as his best friend. Also, we have alot of mutual friends. And it's not until now, that I am realising how even some of my friends, have become his friends. I tried going out with him and them, but I would just wake up the next day feeling so terrible, like I was back at square one. It's hard seeing someone you love, having fun almost from a distance, and realising you are not a part of that anymore. I feel terrible when I sit home and know they are all out having fun, and I am SO scared of missing out on something, or even worse, him finding someone else. For a while there I thought if I was around still, he wouldn't meet someone. But you can't do that. If it hurts to go out socially with them, like it did with me, you can't keep doing it to yourself. It's only been 4 days. You say you are finding it difficult to move on... it's OK. 4 days is not very long at all. It's still very new to you. I didn't go out for weeks, and even now, I'm only going out every so often. To be honest, I'm not even having fun when I do go out. So I can't even tell you when it will get easier... but I know it will. Slowly, you start to live everyday life easier... and then I guess it takes longer to get used to social situations, and the whole friends issue. I really have no advice as to how you can go about the friends issue, because right now, I'm in it and I'm very lost. I think that's what hurts the most out of it all, because for me it's a constant reminder that my boyfriend and I are no longer. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone, and not to worry too much about moving on, after four days.

I think that your best friend is not only feeling a little jealous, but a little left out also. Even if she trusts you both, she's still going to feel a little left out. Have you considered all three of you hanging out? If you are all friends and get along well, perhaps that is what you will have to do. Your best friend should be very important to you, so you should respect her feelings. I am learning now, how important my friends really are. My boyfriend, who I love very much has broken up with me, and I still have my friends there to support me. Guys should never interfere with your friendships, because in the end, your friends are who will still be there for you. (or should be anyhow!) I think you should explain to her that she should trust you both, and you can even say it hurts you to think that she doesn't trust you, that she should know you wouldn't hurt her like that. But explain to her that you still would like to be friends with him. If she can't deal with that, I think you should settle with hanging out as a group. That way she won't feel left out either. You two will sort this out if you are the best friends you say you are. Just keep the communication up. Make sure you tell each other how you feel, and most importantly why you feel that way. Knowing why she feels the way she does, makes it easier to understand how you should go about it.

i guess because i know i haven't accepted it yet. i just feel for me to move on, the reality of it all has to have hit me. and it really does not feel like it has. i thought perhaps some other people had the experience where it came a little later.

I don't know if this is much help... But I have just got dumped by my boyfriend. Now he was really secure, and I was really insecure. I sounded like your ex. I was clingy, and I would stress out about him leaving me all the time.....but I didn't break up with my boyfriend like she did with you. My explanation for my insecurities, was because HE was making me feel that way. I kept blaming myself, but it was because of the way he was acting that made me feel so insecure. His actions were not following his words, and I was getting so confused. At the time I didn't know it was this though... What made me realise, is that he said he started having doubts about our relationship about 4 months in. Ironic, that's when I started feeling REALLY insecure. When I would bring up stuff though, he would make it sound like I was being unreasonable, and that he was happy.... that i was just being insecure. This just made it worse for me. But now, I realise if he had of not only reassured me with words, but done it with actions also, I would have been a lot better. This may not apply to you at all.......... but just make sure you are 100% happy with things before you tell them you are. Because it's when you expect the actions to follow the words, and it doesn't that us girls start feeling very insecure.

I wrote a massive post before explaining what happened with my relationship and how it ended. But I now only have one thing that is still bugging me. It's been five days, and it still hasn't hit me. It's almost like it hurts so bad that I am completely numb. The only noticeable difference now, is that I am not expecting him to come back. Before I was analysing everything, trying to find reasons that could mean he didn't want to do it. My friends have talked to him and it does sound like he still thinks he made the right choice.... even though he is very sad about it still. Is this normal though? I always thought it would just hit me straight away. It doesn't feel real. It's like, I am not really missing him yet, because we would go 4 days without seeing each other sometimes. I have been having lots of short crying bursts throughout the days, but I still feel like it hasn't hit me. I can't make sense of it all. It's like my head is this massive jumble of thoughts. Does it take a few weeks to proplerly sink in? I want it to sink in so I can work on getting over this. This is my first time in love.

Four days ago my boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me. We became more than just boyfriend/girlfriend..... we are best friends. I love him with all of my heart. I am 19, he is 21, and this is our first relationship for both of us. He and I both lost our virginity to each other, and he was the first guy I even kissed! So you can imagine how special he is to me. He had a tendency to cancel plans, and this really would upset me.... as it felt like he didn't really care that much. Like I was not that high on his priority list, just there to fill in the gaps. I didn't expect to be #1 (afterall we are both young and don't want SERIOUS committment here) but I just wanted a little more than what I felt I was getting. Anyhow, I used to bring it up with him quite often, but he always would make me feel like I was over reacting. It happened on Thursday, and I got very emotional. He thought that I was over reacting, and then it turned into me feeling insecure and asking him if he cared. He said he thought that was the biggest insult, me asking him that and he practically hung up on me. After attempts to get him back on the phone, I had to settle with the internet, and that is where he told me he was having serious doubts as to whether he wanted to go out with me anymore, but he wouldn't end it because he didn't want to regret it. thereforeeeee, we planned to meet on Friday in person to talk properly. Online he told me that he didn't think he loved me, even though he had told me he did when I said I loved him. He told me the reason he had said he did, was because he didn't want to hurt me. But he feels if he doesn't love me, and I love him so much he is wasting my time almost. Like there is no future, yet he is still with me. I was so confused.... as he still told me he is attracted to me, and has a great time when he is with me. I explained I was willing to be with him even though he didnt love me, because it actually made things clearer for me. As before when I thought he did, so I was expecting more from him, and when I didn't get it, I got insecure. I wasn't planning on getting married, if we have a great time together and are attracted to each other, i didn't see the problem. Either way, we met up Friday, and that is where he told me it was over. What I can't understand, is he just kept telling me he couldn't do it, because he didn't want to regret it. (it took him almost an hour and a half to actually do it..) And that I was the best person he had ever met, and he was so angry that he felt this way. He said there was nothing wrong with me, and not to blame myself... that he thought I was everything he ever wanted......he just said something didn't feel right. He said that because he had never been in a relationship before he wasn't sure that it was supposed to be like this, he wonders if it's supposed to be "amazing" all the time. He said for three or four moths it was amazing...it just sounds like he isn't used to the whole honeymoon phase ending. When I told him I couldn't remain best friends with him as it will be too hard, he said "we won't break up then, because i can't lose you as a friend, you mean too much to me" I told him that was silly, we couldn't go out on that. It was extremely emotional. Both of us were crying, (he's not an emotional person either) and he was gripping me so tight. We just lay there for an hour or so crying with each other. We go to college together, and I found myself avoiding him today and yesterday, because I just am so scared of seeing him and not being able to be close to him. I feel so sad, I am numb. It really hasn't hit me yet.... i'm still planning when I'll next see him, and I'm still checking my phone for messages. I guess, I can't expect it to hit me just yet. It will probably take a few weeks, until I realise I have really lost him. I know this is so bad, but I am kind of living in hope still, that he will miss me and want me back. I am fully aware this is not the right thing to do, but at the moment I am still in disbelief. I think when I realise he isn't coming back, that is when It will hit me properly. People have told me he is cut about it also, and he told me the other day before work was really bad for him. This is somewhat a relief for me, that he too is having a hard time with it, but I am scared of the day when he starts to feel ok with it all, and then all the other stuff like when he dates other people etc. I just don't know how to cope with seeing him around. Am I right in saying that I can't remain friends with him? It hurts so much not having him in my life. When we have talked online, (only twice) all we say is "how are you feeling..." etc. The conversation seems so strained. For the 4 days I have just been thinking about it non stop it won't get out of my head, I am even dreaming about him. I am scared that if it hurts now, how much will it hurt when I actually accept it. Sorry this is so long, I just need to vent to some people. I would love to hear about how some people have coped with similar situations. He tells me he feels so terrible, because he hates to see me so upset and it's he who is causing it. He says I am someone he will never forget, and making me sad makes him feel like the worst person on earth.

Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it. I have spoken to my boyfriend about it, and he has agreed that he wants to spend more time with me.... but things are just too busy. He has a band also, and they are trying to record, so they have time limits etc. I don't expect him to give up something he loves doing, and when he is working, I don't even consider that a problem, as I know that he has to work. Whenever he does have a free day, we will see each other. It just so happens those days where he is free, are not as often as they once were. Breaking up with him over something like this is totally out of the question, because we have no problems, so I'd just be even worse off - never seeing him! I think perhaps, you are right that this could just be a busy time for him. I think I should wait and see how things resume. I really don't want to make an issue about it, because I don't want to make him feel like I am suffocating him or being too demanding. When we started going out, it was the opposite, I was really busy. I probably need to make myself a little busier, because sitting at home bored, doesn't help the situation at all.

Because I have written about this in a forum, does not mean that he is not my best friend. Nor does it mean we do not communicate - we do. Sometimes you need to talk to other people to help broaden the advice you need. I have talked to my boyfriend about these sorts of problems. I have no fear of talking to my boyfriend about these problems, he just doesn't do too well giving me the advice I need, because in this case he does not relate to me. He is a strong person with high self esteem, whereas I am not; so he finds it difficult to relate. My friends have also given me good advice. But I find that the more advice you can get the better.

Does anyone else relate to being a little more attatched to a relationship then the other half? With a lot of thought, I have realised that the reason I have been getting so upset over certain things within our relationship was because I felt I was putting more effort into the relationship than my boyfriend. At first I was angry at him, then I was sad that perhaps he wasn't as happy as I was with "us". Finally I have come to the conclusion that it is not in a bad way at all. He never shows any signs that he is not happy with me. In fact, he seems very content, and he tells me this also. His personality just is a lot stronger, and he does not rely on me as much as I rely on him. Because of my low self esteem, I perhaps rely a little too much of my happiness into him, and I probably depend on him a little too much also. This may prove to be hard at some times, me coming to terms with feeling a little out of place - but perhaps there is a positive here. My best friend is very dependant on her boyfriend..... but he also is not very independent; so together they can be inseperable. I don't think their relationship is a healthy one. Now I see that opposites can balance one other out. Hopefully now I understand this, it will help me to be more independent. Now I just have to remember this when I start feeling insecure about things!

In my case, the worse thing that could happen may be splitting up, but that gives me no comfort at all. I really can't imagine myself with anyone else right now. I know that if we were to break up, one day I would find someone else... but this does not make it easier for me - just harder. My boyfriend is my best friend. I love him so very much, but I feel if we were to break up, I wouldn't be able to see him as much as you would with a best friend because the pain would be too strong. thereforeeeeee, I would be losing my boyfriend and my best friend. There is nothing wrong with our relationship whatsoever. It's me. And it seems a devastating price to pay (breaking up) because in the end I couldn't act on my own self distructing behaviour. (especially that I know I am doing it) I think you are right about thinking positive thoughts when you get down. I think my main goal is just to stop saying things when I am emotional, calm down and start to put everything into perspective more before I just fill my head with more silly worry/stress.