Why am i supposed to need a woman again?

[Derek]

*brain dump of thoughts follow...*

 

I had a nice summer romance for a few months, then got the "lets just be friends" thing a few weeks ago. I had met the parents and family and it seemed like everything was going well and we were at the point of really investing in knowing each other but I guess some "chemistry" was missing, she didn't explain.

 

You know an unwritten rule in society is that people are supposed to need a partner right? It's not good to be lonely they say right?

Even the bible says it's not good for "man" to be alone.

 

But I don't feel particularly lonely, I am close to my family and friends.

I shrug my shoulders at this girl and figure it's her loss. I just feel indifferent. Perhaps I am indifferent so that I don't let myself feel hurt.

I don't need someone to cook for me or care for me, I don't need a second income to pay for my toys. I have an established career, car, house etc. Of course none of those things keep you warm at night (except maybe the car ... ) I'd be happy with a fun conversation partner that wants to grow and learn together in life. I dunno what expectations people have for relationships these days anymore.

 

But if sex and children were taken out of the equation, I look at the relationships I have had and those around me and I wonder that they are a source of drama and complexity that seems over-rated.

So I look at the cost-benefit analysis of most women and I have yet to find a woman that comes out positive for me. Perhaps I have yet to meet "the one" that does come out positive but I seem to be turning cynical. And in my heart I still want the romantic ideal... I'm crazy.

 

Sure I've had female friends that I've had great conversations with and enjoyed the companionship. But I don't need to have a girlfriend or wife to do that either do I? I can have those conversations with guys friends too anyway. Is it supposed to be that I need to commit to a long term relationship so that I reach closer intimacy (emotional/spiritual etc.). Is that the benefit that I am missing so far? Who needs that kinda vulnerability either? What is it good for? Why be vulnerable to each other and then fall apart anyway? Is it really true that it is better to have loved and lost?

 

I've heard people say that humans need a "witness to our lives" or something like that. And people want partners to make families together (more drama?)

 

Why am I supposed to need a woman again? Someone remind me...

 

 

[lillady898]

I guess it's all a matter of priorities. Some people want a family with kids, others don't. Some want intimacy, others don't. But hey, if this works for ya', more power to you!

[FCTex]

I only wish I could be that strong..

 

I feel like it's a goal to find a women and be with one as long as possible..

 

Then again, I'm on the upside of a break up, so I'm just missing it all.

[melrich]

You don't necessarily need a partner. My uncle is 74 and never had a long term partner in his life. who told you you need a partner?

[FCTex]

it's just how I feel I think..

 

I love the connection with someone.. The ins and the outs of a relationship, the companionship.... I dont know. I like being with someone. I'm definitely, not a person that likes to be sitting around alone..

 

However, I dont need a women, to validate my life...

[Derek]

LOL, probably I shoulda posted in the Break Up section, I guess the Dating section is full of hopefuls =)

 

Perhaps I just was venting a bit...

 

Sure, I would like companionship, I just don't feel I *need* or *crave* a relationship to be complete. I wonder if something is wrong with me.

 

Maybe what I am getting at is I wish I had a woman that would remind me what true love is. Where I can't live without them in my life. Where life is almost physically painful without them. Yet it is true guys shouldn't need a woman to validate their lives. On the other hand, it does a male psyche good to hear encouragement from a good woman.

 

*shrug* maybe I am not articulating what I'm thinking enough.

 

Is love worth the effort?

 

 

[lillady898]

Is love worth the effort?

 

If it's a true form of love that is actually going somewhere and the other person is putting in their fair share of effort. Otherwise, it's a waste of time and energy.

[Derek]

Well, she didn't put in much effort... so I guess it wasn't meant to be, but I am trying to keep my thoughts straight so I can get it right the next time.

 

=)