Things and my girlfriend

[Marcus Sientre]

Crummy title I know, I couldnt think of anything else. But here goes nothing. . .

 

This is sorta a lot of questions, thoughts, and stuff that. .. I dont know, I want to say, and hope someone has some advice for.

 

I feel kinda lost and dont know where to start. I guess I'll start with the most surface thing.

 

How do you deal with the NC No Contact rule when you. . .can't? I mean, I understand that-that is supposed to make the seperation easier, but what if you just can't? Ok, my girlfriend just told me today that she is going in for therapy. I completely support this because, well, I think she should have sooner. Of course you can't just tell a person that (well, unless they become self-destructive, which she hadnt yet), but she was just going down and down. Her therapists recommends that me and her take a 3 month break from eachother, and she's considering it. From a logical stand point, I support this. And I've told her (without just saying Logically and stuff, I said it like I meant it) that it might be a good idea, and that her therapist knows whats good for her, and that I'll stand by whatever decision they make. Hearing that, she said that she's going to think about it. . .but we've been dating for almost two years now, and I recognized "that" thinking. Its the thinking that means she just isnt ready to tell me, but she already knows. I'm sure shes going to do it.

 

The thing is, we absolutley have to remain friends during the whole thing. Ok, thats going to need some explanation there.

 

I love her, deeply, which is why I didnt say anything bad about this idea to her face. . .thats also why I'm posting here, But I mean, I wont hate her for doing this, nor would I reeeeally want to do NC for this seperation, even though I think it would be easier. But for her, we have to remain friends. Like I said, I wouldnt denounce or anything otherwise, but we're going to have to not just remain buds or something, but really close friends still. That means lots of time together, doing stuff together and in groups, talking, etc. ..just not as a couple.

 

I wont say I dont know what to do. . .I know what to do. . .I'm going to go with whatever they decide is best for her and I'm going to do it. But I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it myself.

 

Thats it. . .I'm sure I'll make some more posts. .. lots of things are swirling in my head right now. . .

[AngelOfDarknes]

if i was in her shoes i woudnt want my bf to contact me if i cant be with him, and just talking to him would be make me depressed, espaciely if we are gonna be just friends that would kill me..theres 2 way for you two, either u remain being whatever you are (which i dont know how that would work) with not talking or seeing for 3months, or just brake it off all the way no friends no nothing for awhile... goodluck and post away if that makes u feel better..

[Marcus Sientre]

It does, thanks.

 

And thanks for the advice. Its kinda one of those things. . .her therapist suggested it this way. Its kind one of this things, nc wasnt even and option. Its either we stay the way we are now (which is an option, but the therapist doesnt like the idea. She said it'll take a lot longer for her to get back together, she needs as much time for herself as possible, BUT one of her biggest problems is that she has major issues with being around other people, in groups, etc., so getting all this time to herself also requires spending time with groups. . .*sigh*).

 

See, the thing is, she's kinda in there for two reasons:

 

She cant handle groups at all. . .-at all-. . ., and thats probably the lighter of the issues.

 

She's also in there because of some depression (she never actually did anything, the major promt that got her to go to her therapist was some idea of suicide). Sooooo, I'm just guessing on this part, that the reason the therapist wants it this way is so that she doesnt get depressed about breaking up with her boyfriend (me ) and everything else that is going on.

[heloladies21]

This therapist sounds like a whack job. The friends idea doesn't stand a chance. Either stay together or cut ties.

[Marcus Sientre]

hehe, I like to think that her therapist isnt toooo nuts.

 

My girlfriend had some issues in her teens, and this is the same therapist she went to then, so they have a pretty good relationship and all of that, so I'm not real worried about the therapist being too far off on her advice and such.

 

That said, I actually imagined what it was going to be like, and kinda broke down a bit. This is gonna suck.

[Marcus Sientre]

*sigh* Ok, well. . .nothing has changed yet. Our usual date day (we try and set a day each week to get together, and its been Wednsdays this semester) is. . .like I said, Wednsday, and she said she might know by then. Or she might decide by the weekend, after her weekly appointment (Thursday).

 

I asked her today (nicely of course) how she wanted us to be (well, I gave it as a sorta option, I said "Is it ok if we just act like we always have until you decide?). And she said yes, we arent separated yet ("silly", she added that in).

 

So thats where we stand now. We're still dating I guess until the guillotine comes down and we spontanously separate.

 

I really dont understand how this is going to work. How can you go from dating, to friends -when- you both have every expectation of getting back together after a set period of time, and arent breaking up for any reasons of "dislike" (by that I mean, we're not breaking up do to cheating, anger issues, bad toilot habits, or just out of a sense of "meh, I dont hate you, but I dont like you anymore" thing that some couples run into). Our feelings are still going to be exactly the same. We just wont be dating. We'll be friends. . .who love eachother and want to get married someday. . . Its like (weird analogy, hang with me). . .

 

If you passed a starving child on the street, but didnt have any money or anything of your own to help them, they'd stay there and be miserable, and you'd probably feel bad and continue on your way. This situation feels more like. . .you're walking down the street and see a starving child, and since you have a couple bucks, you run over to the nearest Mc.Donalds, buy yourself a super sized Bigmac, and dangle it in front of his face for a long period of time then eat it in front of him. Its just cruel!

 

Well, I thank you for letting me get that out again, and thanks again for any words of wisdom and pearls of advice.

[Marcus Sientre]

Well it happened. It happened today.

 

She said it could be three weeks, or it could be two years. Or anytime in between.