difference in treatment

[skittles]

I have a question, maybe someone can help me.

 

I have a guy friend who is really funny and we have a lot of laughs, which is great but I get confused on how he treats me compared to how he treats his girl. He treats me with so much respect and he always pays me compliments, whereas he will not be that way with the girl in his life. One time we were with some other friends and he was talking to her on the phone and he got my attention and made a gesture like she was talking too much and she wouldn't shut up and instead of him helping other friends lift something he made her do it. I don't see how he can treat me so nicely and her so bad, is it out of lack of respect for her or what? If he doesn't respect her then how can he "care" about her?

[feelingsad262]

Well, with fear of taking my mouth full here, I think he's just showing off to you.

 

Maybe he thinks you're better looking than her, and has been with her for long enough to "get used to her" and he's just forgetting how much his g/f means to him.

 

The reason I'm saying this is because I think I've been exactly where this guy you're describing is. Not treating my girl respectfully because I know that she's there, but however, "investing" in other girls. It's a cynical thing to do, I know, but I guess that's just how guys work sometimes. Almost likea backup-plan. It's just like flirting in many ways.

 

For all you know, when they're alone, he might be a completely different person. Only when you're around he wants to show off (because as I see it, that's basically what he does with those gestures you mentioned).

 

I've seen plenty of guys do the same thing, guys in good relationships. Now, I don't know for how long they've been together or what their relationship is, but if this is something that has happened very recently and only when he's with you, I would dare say that he might like you a lot - because if I was in a bad relationship and was really keen on a another girl, I would do just these things in front of her to make a statement - but then again, be aware that his girlfriend would notice this behaviour in him every time you are around. If she doesen't react in any specific way when he does this I think it's safe to say that he's like this all the time, I definetly think you should keep clear of him. I mean, would you like to be in her position? If that's how he treats "the woman in his life", would you like to be that woman?

 

Anyway, if this is something that really bothers you and you have feelings for this guy (which It might seem that you have, having posted this) my best advice would be to bring it up and talk to him about it. Not in away that suggests "maybe we should get together" but first in a casual way, and if he replies in a way that suggests he's not in a happy relationship, convince him that there's nothing to gain from such a situation and let him know how you're feeling. In the long run I think that would be the best for him, you, and his girlfriend. It doesen't sound like she's having much fun anyway...

 

So you're right, "If he doesn't respect her then how can he "care" about her", and if this is true, which I guess is up to you to find out, then she can't be happy, he can't be happy, and you're not happy: you'd be doing everyone a favour by doing something about it. If that's what you want.

 

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Hunger hurts, but starving works when it costs too much to love

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