7 years and now over

[deedles]

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 years. We began dating when I was 15. We moved in together when we left for college, and lets just say i'm sure this has been a dead end relationship for quite some time, however I am very dependent on him and have not left. I am a shy person and he is very outgoing. We are now finished with college and I am finally feel strong enough to call the relationship quits. I know I have to move on and I can't string this along any more. Although I know this is the right thing to do I am terribly pained by it. I would really like to stay friends as we have been bonded for so many years and eachothers best friends. To make things more complicating, we are stuck in a lease together for another 9 months and I do not believe that we can sublease. Luckily we have 2 bedrooms so he will be moving on to one, but I am terrified that with my own insecurities I will run back to him especially that he lives here with me. Does anyone have any suggestions or input? I feel scared and extremely down by this whole situation. He has been my whole life for the last 7 years and I feel like I don't know who I am with out him, but I really want to try to make a life for myself.

[dzadze]

Geeze 7 years, that is a huge chunk of life, and a huge amount of bonding. May I recommend a slow process for parting each other. This will cut down alot of stress on both of you.

 

Start doing things in groups instead of by yourself, lunch, dinner, bowling, movies ...etc... have friends over ...etc

 

And slowly part, give it a month or two.

[DN]

Have you told him that you want to end the relationship? Exactly that, not general talk?

[kenneth05]

consider some way to get out of the apartment.

being in the next room really isn't "ending the relationship". you need to get away.

literally.

you need to be in some other building, some other bedroom, some other state.

make as clean a break as possible, and don't keep trying to hang on to something that you are trying to end.

 

good luck!

[dzadze]

If I may say, I think the quick way out is the easy way out. This couple has been together for seven years. If things end with a period, its hard for both partners to accept especially the bf.

 

SInce you two have been together for 7 years already, I don't think another month is gonna hurt. SO take things slow, hang out with friends, get groups together for lunch, dinners, etc, asked friends to spend the night ....

 

THe quick and easy way out isn't always the best thing to do.. It's what everyone wants to hear, but probably not what everyone needs to hear.

 

Luan

[deedles]

I appreciate all of your quick responses. I feel like i'm going through hell right now and it is so wonderful to have a place like this where others are giving you advice. I will take everything that you all said to heart while making my decisions. As of right now, we will focus on getting our own rooms set up, and eventually parting. I did discover today that we can sublease, so i'm taking it one day at a time and trying to pull a friendship out of all of this. I really think of our past and its heart wrenching. I just hope that I am making the right decision, and i guess nobody can tell me that because it is something that I must know. But I am only 22 and I feel like I should really make somewhat of a life for myself and maybe date other guys. We both have a lot of love for eachother, but our relationship has struggled for a long time, and I feel that we are stringing something along that we should let go of. I am just struggling with my decision right now as I feel so much pain and I know that I must stick with it. I apologize if this seems sappy and that it got so long, but I am feeling very hurt and I can't really talk about this anywhere else. So I thank all of you, and my heart goes out to everyone feeling pain.

[zcloud]

Tonight I can't stop crying, I heard this song on the way home:

 

'M SO TIRED OF BEING HERE

SUPPRESSED BY ALL MY CHILDISH FEARS

AND IF YOU HAVE TO LEAVE

I WISH THAT YOU WOULD JUST LEAVE

CAUSE PRESsense STILL LINGERS HERE

AND IT WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE

 

(CHORUS)

THESE WOUNDS WON'T SEEM HEAL

THIS PAIN IS JUST TO REAL

THERE'S JUST TO MUCH THAT TIME CANNOT ERASE

WHEN YOU CRY

I'D WIPE AWAY ALL OF YOUR TEARS

WHEN YOU SCREAM

I'D FIGHT AWAY ALL OF YOUR FEARS

I HELD YOUR HAND THROUGH ALL OF THESE YEARS

AND YOU STILL HAVE ALL OF ME

 

YOU USED TO CAPIVATE ME BY YOUR RESSENATING LINES

NOW I'M BOUND BY THE LIFE YOU LEFT BEHIND

YOUR FACE AT ONCE, MY ONCE PLEASENT DREAMS

YOUR VOICE HAS CHASED AWAY ALL THE SANITY IN ME

 

(CHORUS)

 

I TRIED SO HARD TO TELL MYSELF

THAT YOUR GONE

BUT THOUGH YOUR STILL WITH ME

I'VE BEEN ALONE

I'M ALONE

 

WHEN YOU CRY

I'D WIPE AWAY ALL OF YOUR TEARS

WHEN YOU SCREAM

I'D FIGHT AWAY ALL OF YOUR FEARS

I HELD YOU HAND THROUGH ALL OF THESE YEARS

AND YOU STILL STILL HAVE

ALL OF ME

[Magamar]

Hang in there zcloud.

 

Somedays even some hours I feel strong and ready to take on the world again. Then something happens, I hear something, I see something, I remember something and that's it I'm back over the edge and into despair again.

 

I've now learned that as quickly as the despair comes it does go again. And when I'm crying I just keep hold of thought until my crying stops or I fall asleep.

 

Keep going. You're doing great.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Zcloud,

 

Yeah, that's Evanescence. It's a beautiful but also sad song...maybe not the best choice at a time like this. I know I won't be able to handle a song like that for a while.

 

I think that a good cry is good for you, but try not to torture yourself with songs like that too much. Sometimes it's ok to say I can't handle this right now, and just change the station/cd to something more upbeat.

 

I remember when I was in 8th grade (long time ago), and my girlfriend of 3 days broke up with me...lol. I was upset, and put on Angel by Aerosmith. (Do not even dare!) I started balling, and one of my friends had called me, heard the song playing, and was like what the * are you doing to yourself? I am still friends with the same guy today, and when I told him about my breakup with my fiancee, he said listen NO AEROSMITH PERIOD!

 

I'm hoping you guys would get a good laugh out of that. The point is that yes you need to cry, but no unnecessary emotional torture, ok?

[zcloud]

funny about the Aerosmith. I don't cry easily so if it wasn't for these songs I don't know if I'd ever get these emotions out. but you're right, I need to stop torturing myself, by playing them over and over in my head. Thanks for the advice!

 

-Zcloud