Should I go the NC way or not ? unusual circumstances here..

[ash1973]

Hi there.

 

I'll try and cut a long story short. Split with my Girl of 4 and a half years in January this year 'cause I didn't have the right commitment. Realised I'd made a huge mistake straight away and that she IS the one I want a family with and spend the rest of my life with. I didn't contact her for a month (except once just to make sure she was ok) 'cause I wanted to make sure I wasn't just thinking these things because she wasn't there. I didn't want to mess her around if I really didn't want the whole family thing. Anyways... turns out I don't want anything in life but to be with her. So in March I go to see her to ask her out. (her sister told me she was single... not that that would have mattered to me !!) She's really happy to see me and the night goes great. I ask if we can get back together.... again, cut a long story short she doesn't believe I've changed and doesn't want to get hurt by me again. So that was that.

 

April, May and the first two weeks in June there is no contact. None. Then some mail comes to my house addressed to her, I go round and post it. Again, no contact... even though it's killing me. Then I get a text from her saying cheers for dropping the mail off, how are you, blah blah. I reply blah blah and this goes on for days. Then she text saying she's unhappy because she has a deadline to meet with some work so she's working all day, having a bit of dinner then working till 3am every night. So that night, I go to the florist and buy a bunch of flowers and get a box of chocs. (I always made sure she was never without flowers when we were together so I wasn't being cheesy or putting on a front). So round I go at about 2am and she's really happy to see me. A couple of hours fly by so I leave. As I walk down the drive she calls me back, grabs hold of me and gave me a hug that said 'I love you'. Great I think.....

 

On 18th June she text me. I give her a call 'cause the text didn't read right. She's crying her eyes out and tells me her sister (who was like a sister to me) of 20 years old had an epileptic fit and died. We spent the rest of June, July and August together only leaving each others side to work. About 4 weeks ago she woke me up to say she loved me and gave me a kiss... the kind that wasn't just a kiss but a loving kiss. (we'd had sex a couple of times in August too.... as horny adults do so I didn't read too much into that)

 

Then at the end of August I had a really busy time with work so didn't get chance to see her. She obviously hasn't been herself since her sister's death so I thought I'd give her a bit of space, let her think about things, see her friends, hang out with her family etc so didn't text her either, she knew she could have phoned or text anytime, but no. She didn't. 2 weeks went by and still nothing. So last Wednesday I went to her Mum's house for a brew and I ask how, (I'll call her Nikki), is. Her Mum tells me Nikki is really depressed and unhappy and she's really worried for her. So after that I go to the pub were she works to see her. She asks why I've not been in contact. I tell her I was busy and thought she may have been seeing family/friends etc and she hadn't text me either. Then she gets busy and serves a few customers and gets chatting to this lad. She goes over to another barmaid, has a whisper in her ear, the barmaid looks round at me so no prizes for guessing who they're talking about and they both go quiet. I hang around for another half hour but the atmosphere seems really cold and she hardly says two words to me. All the time this lad is hanging around the bar, chatting to her and she's chatting to him but completely ignoring me. I end up leaving... in a polite manner not in a jealous way.

 

The day after I text her saying 'hi, it was a bit busy in the pub last night so do you want to meet up for a brew and a chat'. The reply was I'm just getting ready for work but come round and have a brew at mine. I end up taking her to work and she tells me the lad she was chatting to 'was a friend... but... he really likes me and I really like him, we have a lot in common'. Nothing I could say to that, lucky I was just pulling up to her works.

 

I saw her brother last night and he says she only met him last Saturday and they really are not together.

 

I've been getting mixed messages from friends... just leave it be and get on with your life.... fight for her, tell her how you feel..... one mate said don't worry about it, the only reason she's interested in this guy is because she hadn't seen you for two weeks and he showed her a bit of attention.

 

Okay, I said I try and cut a long story short... guess I failed !!!

 

I'd like people to give me a bit of advice please. I don't know what to do. I'm not going to fight for her and tell her how I feel because she knows how I feel, although I get the impression she still doesn't believe I want kids and commitment ! I was thinking about NC again but feel this may be the wrong desicion because she's so down and depressed about her sister. But if I do keep contacting her she may just think I'm doing it because this lad's on the scene.

 

And with this lad on the scene it just makes my confusion worse..... my mates are too involved so I'd love some advice from you out there... complete strangers who I'll never meet, in different countries around this world... funny that isn't it ? But your advice would mean so much to me. Thanks.

 

 

And you're surfing this forum yourselves so I hope everything works out for you.... whatever your problems may be.....

[Amannamederic]

this is a sketchy situation in my eyes, the girl did a complete 180 there didn't she mate.

 

Did you bring the subject of a life together and kids up again? or was it just that one time you mentioned it to her...

 

Honestly, it seems to me that she was trying to make you a bit jealous, a family's opinion of a person can go a long way. Judging by her brother and sister (r.i.p) talking to you the way they had, you are a popular fellow.

 

Have her over one night, if she still hangs onto the whole, "I like this guy and he likes me" thing, do the NC and start planning for life without, no need for a girl who plays games with you.

 

If she doesn't however, mention the life together and all of that, remind her how close you've been to her when she has needed you most and use that as evidence that you think you are ready for the entire committment. From the sound of things, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, especially if you haven't mentioned your future together...shes probably thinking you forgot all about it and is done waiting.

[ash1973]

Hey Eric.... I guess that's yer name.

 

I never actually mentioned it directly again to be honest but feel I talked about kids and marraige enough to drop the hint. She know's I truelly love her more than anything and my words and actions were enough, you'll have to believe me on that. I know your point how I should mention it but I honestly know she knows I want the whole thing. More than words and all that !! I can't tell her directly again because I'd lose her as a friend. She can't take anymore hassle in her life and if she's down, she's likely to get angry rather than listen. I would be prepared for that and risk losing her as a friend but, for her sake, with the loss of her Sister if she ever does need a shoulder to cry on I want to be an option to her. I'll just have to live with the pain. Thanx for your reply.