ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN ABUSE, PLEASE READ THIS, I HOPE IT HELPS

[sorryJason]

Hello, I recently found these posts on another site, and I think they would be good for abused people, especially women, to read, it says somethings that some books I have read on the subject say that I find very true.

 

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Just to let you know I was the abuser in a past relationship, in which my ex broke up with me, it was the best thing she ever did for me, I think what most abusive men need is a kick in the pants, a real motivation to change, not just a short term motivation, but a long term, motivation. For me, my ex breaking up with me shook me to the core, when she broke up with me, she took a whole life plan away from me, and I have had to learn how to be by myself again, but the pain of her leaving me and taking all those good things in my life away has really helped me be and stay motivated to fix myself once and for all. I never want to lose so much in my life again!

 

I will continue to keep all of you out there updated as to my progress, and when and if I get into another relationship I will let you all know how it is going. I know that most people say that abusers never change, but that is just another motivator for me to never be abusive again!

 

Maybe my situation is special, but I can honestly say that I have made a promise to my ex's memory(no she has not passed away, I mean my memories of her), myself and God that I will never abuse ANYONE in any way ever again. I also have no illusions of getting back together with my ex, after reading these posts, I have realized that if I truly love her and only want the best for her, that she is better off without me, away from me forever.

[Finzsoftie]

I hope that my idiot of an ex boyfriend sees this the same way as you do! All the best

[girl_83]

wow..interestiing website. Thanks for that. As much as i hate to say this, a few points in there feel as though there describing me. The whole control thing.. wow, never thought myself that way.

[Hope75]

Hi Jason,

 

How are things going?

 

Are you leaving your ex alone now?

 

How about her mom, have you stopped confiding in her?

 

Hope all is well.

 

Hope

[sorryJason]

Hi hope!

 

Yes I have not contacted my ex for some time now, although she is supposed to contact me and we are supposed to meet one last time to sign off on a contract to finnish up the legal stuff and have everything totally done with. I haven't talked to her mom for some time now as well, though I did email her a couple days ago, just a link to a job for my ex.(still hard not to do that!) I know I am getting better, and eventually I will be able to have a relationshiop again, a healthier one this time!

 

Things are going quite well for me, I am getting full time hours at my job, i have not gotten angry since my ex broke up with me, and I am getting a lot out of my group sessions. 2 different women want to date me, and I have talked to both of them, I reall like both of them, but I have told them my situation and that I am not quite ready for a full blown relationship, both of them are quite nice and they said that it is ok, that we can still be friends for now. Wow! eh? I don't feel so bad about myself after talking to them, I know that if I want a relationship that I can have one right now, but I know that I am not ready for it, I still think about my ex when I go out with either of these women, and I don't memories of my ex to affect a new relationship.

 

I still catch myself driving past my ex's house maybe once a week, I think that is ok, I know eventually I will stop that, but it is on the way to my sister's house and I think I just make that an excuse to drive past her house.

 

Reading books on abuse for women and reading those posts has really helped me stay away from her and not contact her. I realize that the best thing for her is to be away from me, she needs time to heal and I still want the best for her, and I know now that it is not me. I hope that she is doing ok, and that she is getting help for herself. I know for me I thought the best thing to do was to get into another relationship, to try to build new memories with someone else to replace the memories of her, but I don't think that is how it works, you have to totally be over your ex, in order to be true to a new relationship, especially if the last relationship was as special as mine was.

 

Sorry for the long posts, but you know me, once I get talking I just can't stop! How are things for you? I hope that more people read those posts, I thought it would be better than posting book titles because sometimes you have to go through half the book to get one good paragraph out of it.

 

I also wanted to say to those of you that have been abused, I am sorry for all the abuse you have dealt with, I was abused as a child and I know how it feels, and for me to abuse someone I love(d) is such a shame for me, and I will carry that burden on my shoulders the rest of my life.

[Hope75]

Hi Jason,

 

Wow! It sounds as though you have made alot of healthy changes in your life and are living in a very positive way. I am quite impressed at the way you were able to turn this situation around and make it something positive and learn from it.

 

Well done! I hope you continue to progress and stay on this path and soon enough when you are happy and satisfied with yourself I have no doubts that you wil find love with a wonderful woman and make her very happy!

 

I am well, thanks for asking.

[melrich]

That all sounds really positive Jason. Stay in touch.

[Gracelove]

I'm so glad you realize that. If you love her, you will stay out of her life.

 

Good luck on your continued progress

[Mongoose542]

That's good to hear Jason and yes I think Ms. Tea was wrong in the other post saying abusers don't change and expect people to feel sorry for them. I was just like u Jason and my now ex b/f would keep taking me back and forgiving me for hurting him so badly until he couln't take it anymore and broke up. And no, I never expected anyone to feel sorry for me. Yes I came from a very abusive father who was everything, verbally, physically and emotional and yes, I know know that was no excuse for applying that to the guy I love. Now it's been almost 3 weeks since getting counseling and also anger management, it's really helping. Well as for my now ex, he say he might get back, but doesn't know. It's ok, I told him he can take all time he wanted.